I go to meetings, I read recovery books, I meditate and have a gratitude journal.
Why am I such a miserable bitch lately? I thought sobriety would make me a nicer person to be around but instead I’m pushing people away more with my low moods.
I’m not romanticising drinking and do not think returning to my old behaviours is the answer at all but I do want to find contentment in my desision to stay sober.
About everyone I know experiences these damn things called emotions. And at first they suck. It’s like everything is BS but it gets better. It takes work and time.
I’ve experienced all of that. I guess there are all kinds of reasons why. I know for a fact, things are worse for me during PMS… or just whenever I’m slightly inconvenienced. Heh.
Sounds to me that you’ve got a little bit of time under your belt and are ready to take the next step (well 12 of them actually) of your recovery. Those feelings are actually a good thing. We all get them. If you don’t have a sponsor my suggestion is to find one and start your journey. I love step work because I can work on myself and it makes me feel like I’m progressing.
"The best part of sobriety is you get your feelings back. The worst part is, you get your feelings back."
It’s perfectly normal to be on an emotional rollercoaster in early sobriety. Unless you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness, I wouldn’t worry about it. Your brain is trying to adjust, and it won’t be comfortable at first. Hang in there and don’t give up! ️
That’s probably very good advice @Englishd. I’m currently doing step work at home but I definitely would love a sponsor. I’m starting a new meeting for younger people on Friday and hoping that I meet somewhere who could eventually be my sponsor there.
Argh so true. I am diagnosed with a mental illness which does impact my emotions and emotional regulation so I’m constantly trying to work out what is that and what is ‘normal’ to feel like during early sobriety. Thanks for responding!
It’s good that you are looking at the steps, but unless you have a guide to take you through them they won’t be of much value. Sponsorship is always a good topic to bring up at a meeting.
I hear you! I am a depressive, managed with a trifecta of miracle meds. Been on them since 2002, when they changed me into a functioning, reasonable, human being. But I’ve cried multiple times in the measly 17 days I’ve been sober, and it’s hard to know if I’m just responding to stressors like normal people do, or if my depression is rearing its ugly head. The thing is, mental illness is all about brain chemistry, and drinking affects brain chemistry. So does nicotine. So, now that I’m not drinking or smoking, my brain chemistry is different than it was when I first found this trifecta of meds. So, I figure that I need to ride this out until my brain chemistry stabilizes, then worry about if my meds need to be played with.
Wow feelings those things are quite something aren’t they? Especially if you’ve spent a long time covering them up with alcohol and drugs just as I did. They seem so confusing at first and why wouldn’t they? Aren’t all new things kinda hard and confusing at first? It’s completely normal to be going through what your going through. A lot of healing is ahead of you and with time these feelings will become more manageable and you know what the most beautiful part is? Your finally human again. Being able to experience all the emotions that come with it is the wonderful gift of life it’s self. We stay sober.
Ha! I know a bunch of people, drinkers and non-drinkers who exhibit the characteristics you listed, as a matter of “normal life”. I consider them “Nattering Nabobs of Negativism”. Remaining positive is a mental exercise, and projecting positivism a physical effort. I find I have to actively resist this. Sometimes these folks just plain exhaust me. I keep reminding myself that Jesus loves them, and I should as well.
That’s exactly right! Why wouldn’t they be? I have spent years avoiding emotions so it is expected that they would surface as I’m getting sober and more aware. Thank you, your message was very comforting to read and makes me feel a little more sane! It’s worth it. I want to be human and experience life, good and bad
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