Social drinker to the point on weekends only friends I had were drinking buddies feel alone but 3 days sober and dealing with first time being in trouble since my 20s. Scared I’ll lose job, home just scared. Anxiety has taken over today not wanting to leave house. Live in small town will be judged and rumored about. Lost feelings but wanting to just be me and feel good again. Got to where I’m not recognizing myself. A lot of changes since Covid and I’m just stuck at the moment. Any suggestions on what to do tonight while I’m feeling lonely and scared.
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Glad you here and i am sure alot us here understand how you feel but i will speak only for me. That feeling of hopeless and feeling like everything i ever had was about to be gone. For me that’s exactly what drinking does it takes everything away from me. Since you asked what to do tonight i would say a meeting, reach out to some trusted friends and post here is good that’s somethings i do . Thanks again for sharing and keep coming back,take it one day at a time.
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Welcome @Kat23 this place has been a lifesaver for me. I used to wake with guilt and shame on the regular. Im sure alot of us have. But when we become sick and tired of being sick and tired and try something new a whole new life is possible. Just focus on getting through the day sober and do it again tomorrow.
Maybe a hot shower. Healthy dinner. Tea? Anything but booze.
Read around lots. Distraction was key for me early on and theres plenty to read here
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Moment by moment, day by day. You only need to not drink this moment, and all those moments will add up. Taking some time to read around the grateful for thread and other threads on here helped me a lot. Journaling what I am grateful for and getting out of my own head helps me too. I’m glad you’re here 
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Hi Kat, so this really resonated with me I feel where you are because after covid and lockdowns I was in a bigger cycle of depression and anxiety and drink. My life changed significantly i lost a lot. But you know the issues I was having then (not even so very long ago) were never going to be solved by drinking or continuing to drink because my judgement was so heavily impaired. What I kept saying to myself was if you keep doing this to yourself won’t make it out alive. If you need a distraction for tonight try a good book. Hope this reaches you well.
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Thanks to all for the comments. Cleaning dishes and staying busy. As for tonight the couch and the tube. I lost my husband in 2015 and it’s been a wing it kind of thing since. I’m tired of being tired. I can start from here even though I have a lot on my plate. Will read any thing you have on here. I have been. I do not have any trustworthy friends so that’s out. Family not much left and whom I don’t speak so that’s out. Just me for tonight and I’m ok is what I keep telling myself. Just feel like o failed in life after my husband died. I cannot keep up with everything and I was trying to. I decided last Sunday to quit drinking then a drinking buddy said one last go round before you give it up. I got a dui trying to come home after a fight broke out where I was at. I’m beating myself up because I don’t have anything else or anyone to help get me through this. No lawyers no people no nothing. So I’m sitting here trying to see how to keep my job and forward from here and I’ll do it but without going backwards this time I’ve got to or I’m just going to be nothing.
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Shame and guilt and regret are totally normal valid feelings. But try your best to look after your mental health first breathing exercises, running, meditation, whatever clears your mind so you can focus, try that for today. Tomorrow you may find you have a different outlook.
Given your situation you may need help. Have you ever thought of meetings?? Andor grief counselling? Instead of drinking buddies you’ll start to have sober friends and people can relate to what you’re going through
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I’ve tried grief groups in my town to no avail just depressed me more. It’s getting late now. I’ll go for a walk in the morning if it’s not raining. I work so much never can get to a therapist. Plus affording it isn’t in the plans either. I like to journal and do art. Got things out to do a painting tonight. Thanks for the support…really enjoying talking to people. I can’t talk to anyone else and the silence gets too much at times
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You can utilize some of that time and money you drank and invest it in yourself. Its odd how you get hit with a dui on your last horrah…kinda like a kick in the butt. I had a dui 10yrs ago and thought my career was over. Have faith and put time in your recovery. Fyi the court looks favorably on those who proactively go to aa meetings. Lawyer up too…dont mess with the legal system alone
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Kat23: For me, keeping a journal has been a huge help in staying grounded. It helps to put your feelings down on paper, especially during your really low moments. This TS app has been awesome, too. I check in every day. Lots of encouragement here. Stay strong, Kat…you’ve got this. 
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Cannot afford one have to get court appointed. I haven’t dealt with the courts in over 30 years…haven’t had anything and now when I’m feeling good saying bye to things yeah it kicked me in the butt!! But everything happens for a reason. Feeling like this is the universe way of saying stop be still and get your shit together. Hoping I can…the guilt is just eating me up today.
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Hi Kate – 1st of all welcome to the community. This place is full of so much love, support, great advice and resources.
I am so sorry for your loss. Congrats on your 3 days! Glad that you are trying to kick this addiction to the curb - do know you can’t do this alone. Try meetings in person or any of the many 24 hour online meetings.
So messed up that what you were thinking was your last night out turned into a DUI - this could be the universe letting you know that there is no such thing as a last one (ie - don’t listen when your addict brain says just one more).
This app has a journaling section on the calendar - use it if you don’t have one already. Keep yourself active here as I find it to be an awesome distraction.
Nights were the worst for me being alone and having to deal with my addict voice - I found playing games (on my phone), drinking tea, doing puzzles, light yoga, meditation are things that helped when I was on edge. DO make sure you don’t have any alcohol readily available in the house - I had to pour a shit load down the drain (was very therapeutic).
You may also need to keep away from your drinking buddies or set some clear boundaries that you will not be drinking and they need to be supportive of your decision. I did have to leave a lot of social circles and am working on creating new sober social circles.
We are here - i wish you the best of luck and hope to see you around!
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I know that guilt very well. You are in good company with a bunch of brillant people in recovery now
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I had to laugh a little been playing games on my phone tonight. But seriously no alcohol in the house and no talking to the circle of buddies I’ve been talking to. And yes it’s better for me not to talk to anyone right now. Everyone I know at this time are at the bar. I got text last night wanting me to come down. Not are you alright not can we help no not any of that. When someone in their circle disappears they just say wonder what happened to that one. Yeah have myself in a pickle but I’ve got to stay strong and dig out. I haven’t texted back and not going to. I just want out and into something better. I live in a small town where you either go to church or to the bars. Views at both are where I don’t fit in. I live 30 minutes away from work and if I lose my license I lose my livelihood I’m scared and anxious and don’t know where to turn so I’m just staying in my house. I don’t even drink a lot but when I did it was usually way up into the night. I was cutting down this whole month but had to go one more time ugh. Going to paint some and try to sleep but it’s tension tonight and I’m just lost. Can’t help feeling this way.
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I can relate and many on here can. Take care and nurture yourself. If you feel Aline, be a friend to yourself and take care of you. You are worth it. You made mistakes. We all do. Please do not drink. Watch something funny. Get on this app. Eat your favorite foods. Get sleep. It will get better. Remember to breathe.
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I am so sorry to hear about your husband. That is very hard. Have you ever been to any AA meetings? Or other groups? They make you feel less alone and less like you are an anomaly. You can just listen with camera off.
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You are doing so well Kathy – glad you are not replying to your friends. I am sorry that this circle of friends is solely based around drinking and having fun only when drinking. Not for you!
We can chat here if you need someone to talk with (as you can already see, so many have already responded and many more of us here going through similar struggles).
I know the shitty feelings that you are experiencing and am sorry but they will be around for a bit - I do promise that they will go away but you can’t let those feelings turn you towards drinking. SO great that you don’t have any in the house so stay in tonight and you will have defeated another day!
You may need to watch some comedy and get yourself in a laughter frenzy - this may help loosen your tension.
As @Cjp mentioned - going to meetings will really help show the courts that you are making an honest effort and hopefully you will not lose your license.
You are making a great effort on your sobriety! We are all here for you.
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I had a DUI 8 years ago and didn’t lose my license. I wouldn’t stress too much over that right now.
I was given the options to have an interlock “blow and go” installed for a year, or lose my license for 90 days. I picked the first option since I don’t have a chauffer. You do have to pay monthly for it. I had a free public defender. I also quit drinking for almost 4 years after the DUI and attended AA meetings, but eventually relapsed thinking I could control it and had to start over.
But I would go to some type of meetings now and have something signed each time as proof you can take to court that you’re making an attempt to get sober. AA provides that, and can be helpful in other ways. Hopefully everything will work out for the best.
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Will do. I tried AA once and quit because I wasn’t ready. Now I am and yes it will be tough but everyone here have already shown me that no matter how far the bottom is you can go up. Thanks for that!
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Thank you so much. It just means a lot to chat with all and I do not feel so lonely tonight. I’ll look into meetings in the morning. I feel like going to places by myself now and taking control of my self care. Got to and tonight I’ve learned I have to do it for myself. Thanks all!! You
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