So I’ve been sober now for more than 4 years and things were going relatively good.
Beginning was a struggle, and some days still harder than others.
What I have just experienced is meeting someone and sadly became very much obsessed with them, it was a 2 week marvelous adventure spending most time together and from then onwards everything has gone downhill.
He not being physically close, after those 2 initial weeks, has made me an extreme anxious person as far as messaging and waiting for responses.
I somewhat felt like I was being in active addiction back again with all that entitles.
Now I am being ghosted which is making it even harder for me to understand.
I will not relapse, I will be trying again one day at a time.
For some of you this may seem like a light topic but this situation has set me back to all those confusing feelings I had at the beginning of my journey stopping substance abuse.
Just seeking some guidance if anyone has felt the same, as in getting addicted to someone or is it my addictive brain playing tricks on me.
I am already on my second therapy session about this and also luckily was able to take some time out work as my anxiety is going extremely wild, again just like I was 4 years ago.
Thanks for reading
6 Likes
I’m glad you come here and share, that’s not a “light” topic 
What you describe is partly a biochemical reaction to oxytocin overflow. That’s the hormone our body releases when we are in love, close, on the happy cloud.
The anxiety peaking, trying to cope with clingy behaviour, loosing the focus on yourself and your own wellbeing might stem from abandonment fear, codependent issues, insecurity, past trauma or hundred other possibilities. I hope therapy can help you identify and work on the underlying issue(s).
Ghosting is a no go but unfortunately common. I’m so sorry you experienced this. Please know you are not alone, it is not your fault, such behaviour is bullshit and not grown up adult. Not having the balls for a clear talk is a red flag that no responsibility is taken and avoidance is the main life strategy. not the type of partner that could go for a honest deep relationship.
please share away, keep going, don’t forget to breath and stay sober. the emotional turmoil shall pass with time. sending calm & soothing vibes
5 Likes
Thank you, your message means the world to me.
After all tje work I have done on myself this should not take me apart like this.
This is a great example on how when I felt I was good and settled about my addiction, how this is really one day at a time, anything at any given point can just destabilize all the work done again.
I am happy I have reached out here as well as getting therapy.
I felt hooked to the person, and then to the intermittent messages, it was my high of the day. Now I start to see clearly.
4 Likes
I don’t have specific experience when it comes to a person like this, but I THINK this can also apply to anything in our sober journey that brings joy and suddenly takes a turn on us.
For me in my last stretch of sobriety it was coaching baseball. I got so much joy from it and it was a rock for me….until I let the people involved allow me to feel like I was a disappointment or worthless because we lost a big game. It eventually led to my relapse because I believed it was my fault and blamed myself for something so simple.
What I didn’t do is what you’re doing right now and that’s connecting here and making your sobriety a priority. I made the mistake of drifting away and letting go of my plan. So yeah my situation was/is way different but I admire you for having the courage and strength to do what I didn’t! Thanks for sharing your story it’s really inspiring as I am working in recovery again 
3 Likes
Thanks for making me feel a bit powerful, in a way I have allowed someone to strip me from that confidence I had built over years in the smallest period of time.
So I absolutely get your point and story, somehow it does not need to be a person is the way we have allowed others to have that kind of power over us, to think we are not enough.
Those are the cracks the addiction takes advantage of.
Glad you are back around fighting back
2 Likes
When i read your words i found myself thinking yes, been there…yes, felt like that…yes, done that aswell!
So i can really identify with what youve said…in past relationships ive done all of that, i think just like a substance or something that makes you feel happy in the moment like gambling you can also become addicted to a person, as @erntedank said those brain chemicles become involved but also your life experiences…i didnt have a great upbringing, i also had parental abandonment issues and so i lacked confidence in myself and felt i didnt deserve much…without realising it for a long time, my whole life really i placed my happiness and worth in the hands of others be that the other person in the relationship, family relationships, what others thought of me etc etc…we wire our brains into that well trodden path of needing others acceptance, to be wanted and needed by others because thats where our worth lies…eventually we realise that our worth comes from us and not something external but that realisation is not enough we have to work on ourselves alot to create a new path which takes time…our brain will continue to try the path its been used to hence with your situation where you know your doing the work yet off youve gone down the same path as before…ive done that too… id say its normal…youve done nothing wrong here, you have made progress because what you have done (which you wouldnt have had you not done the work on yourself) is realised what is actually happening here…yes it hurts but youve already armed yourself with alot of self awareness…this person isnt treating you well and you know that, chalk this one up to experience and continue on your journey, you dont need the acceptance of someone who treats you poorly, you do deserve more, continue to do your work on you and one day you might just attract the right person who will treat you how you deserve, im not the most articulate writer but i hope this makes sense to you
3 Likes