New here and failed already

So after today it would be my 5th day of beign sober of alcohol. I didnt really had any trouble of not drinking and thought well i got this, this isnt hard.
But yet i started drinking again today, i dont know why…it wasnt like i really needed it or anything i geuss i just thought it wouldnt harm me that bad. And i geuss it doesnt untill i start drinking heavily again.
Ive always had the problem of no control when drinking and drinking too often…there were times i did had control and just after a beer i would stop cos i didnt feel like drinking anymore, but there are way too many situations where i drank waaaay to much and even a couple of times i ended up in the hospital.

I do wanna stop drinking but at the same time i dont…I feel like i need to get control back again and just enjoy a nice beer with friend and family and not having to worry about it.
I feel like failing but at the same time im still in denial and thinking just a beer cant harm me, drink it.

its so hard and i hope you guys can give me some tips.
(btw im not native in English, im from the Netherlands, so sorry for any mistakes)


Hi, you didn’t fail. My message today was " if you fell yesterday, stand up today."

1 Like

Thank you, I know somewhere i don’t, but this time of the year sure does make it harder to stand up since everyone is drinking.

I totally understand that feeling…wanting to not drink but not wanting to. For me I didn’t want to feel like I did after drinking but the idea of never having a drink again was not what I wanted. I wanted to drink like a normal person. For YEARS I kept drinking because I didn’t want to never drink.

Finally it hit me…I will never be able to drink like a normal person. I will only ever drink to excess. So here I am. I am an alcoholic and will never drink again and I am very happy with that now.

Now my issue is dealing with the people around me!! That’s the next step. LOL


@VSue Yes I have the same thing, I know i have a problem and cant drink like a normal person, but its always a fight with myself, thinking i can control it but i know in the end i will end up with having a problem again.
When i was 17 i ended up in rehab for 4months, i got out still drinking but not that much, maybe once a month a beer or two. Now im 23 and look at me now. blegh :confused:

@Oliverjava yep, my addict brain is way smarter than my normal brain, stupid addict brain!! Its like manipulating yourself! how crazy is that

I feel you. I ended up in residential rehab when I turned 21 and I ended up signing myself out after 5 days of a 30 day program because “godamnit I just turned 21 I just made a mistake” then 2 years later I’m 23 and I’m being rushed in an ambulance to the hospital because I drank rubbing alcohol because I ran out of money to buy real boo and I was so out of it I was going to do anything. As soon as I got out of there I thought “oh wow that was so dumb I got wasted and drank rubbing alcohol what an idiot, I should just drink on weekends and special occasion” three months later here I am 3 weeks out of detox for the 3rd time finally coming to terms with my disease. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to learn by failing or you will never get it. It does get a lot easier once you realize alcohol just isn’t for you. Your body doesn’t handle it like those other people and your brain craves it in a crazy way. Anyway Goodluck to you don’t feel bad iv been there.

1 Like

@Steve92 oh wow, thank god you are alright and still alive <3
Yeah its really hard, i just thought i would have a few drinks but im already searching for people to go out with…im such a mess! Thank you anyways for your support!

1 Like

It’s never to late to get your self and dust yourself off and try again. My addiction was crack and believe me it’s hard. Be strong get you a sponsor. Good luck. 1 day at a time

I have the same feeling! I know I’m helpless to alcohol but the thought of “never” having a drink again is…a little scary! I’m on day 4, longest I’ve made it in the last 2 yrs is 5 days! Tomorrow is Christmas, I’ll be with my family and the drinks will be flowing :persevere: but my children will be watching! They’ve asked me not to drink on Christmas, such a pathetic mom I must be for them to have to even ask that of me!! I’m feeling determined to get through it but in the back of my mind I’m thinking down the road to occasions that they won’t be around and maybe I can have a bottle of wine! That kind of thinking is dangerous and I know it but somehow the thought of “never” seems too much to bare! I hope to progress in sobriety and maybe these thoughts will go away?!
Good job to all of us who are trying, let’s make it another sober day; one day at a time!!!

My daughter’s did that with me once. We were at a restaurant for lunch and they asked “mommy, do you think you could do this one lunch without wine?”. At the time, the alcoholic me was annoyed, almost angry. Today I’m embarrassed that I couldn’t do just one lunch, not even for them.

I told THEM that for Christmas I wouldn’t drink. I think that made them happy. And that makes me happy.