Today has been one of the hardest days for me. I’m stuck between living the life I did when I was drinking-going out to the bars, socializing, going to parties, and living a new life where I’m distanced/completely removed from these environments. Tonight I went to a bar with some of my friends, didn’t drink, but sat there silently craving a drink in the WORST way. It was agonizing. It felt like torture honestly. I’ve been on edge and anxious ever since. I’ve tried going for a drive/listening to music, journaling, praying, meditating, and eating my favorite snack, all which slightly helped, but the minute I stopped distracting myself I went right back to being anxious. Just trying to calm myself and take things one minute at a time. Looking for some advice or direction on how to move forward and avoid placing myself into situations that might make me feel worse. I know I should stay home and avoid situations where alcohol is going to be right in front of my face, but I’m also scared that if I’m invited somewhere and stay home I’ll also be just as anxious. Ugh.
I am getting tired (surprisingly) and I’ve been binging YouTube videos. Even writing out how I was feeling in my post helped me feel like I had a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I also want to get into reading, I just never have been so I’m trying to find a good book to start with. The hardest part of having anxiety is worrying about what tomorrow night bring or what the future might hold, so I’m trying to keep my mind as slow as possible.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!
I can’t go visit my closest friend because he’s a heavy drinker plus his mom passed a couple years ago so he’s hurt also. For my recovery I know to not go to his house but I talk to him on the phone and video chat. It sucks but possibly goin down that rabbit hole is alot worse so I keep my distance. Hit up an A.A./N.A group to try something new instead of bars you’ll go eat, excercise, whatever you’re interests are you’ll likely find people that enjoy those same things. This is a toughy because you do know somewhat you’re setting yourself up for failure in those situations which a relapse is inevitable. it’s not I’f, it’s when. You were blessed today but don’t push it. But you’re ready when you’re ready I suppose. Best of luck sis. I wish you well 
I may need to try audio books. I do have a hard time sitting down for long periods of time. I get anxious and feel like I NEED to be doing something and then the cravings start. Also need to pick up the Big Book. All of this is so new to me but I’m so happy to have support and resources as well!
I agree. Just still caught between what I used to do daily and what I really NEED to be doing so I don’t fall back into drinking. Constantly dealing with the “it won’t be that bad this time” or “just have one” temptations that I’ve been dealing with for years. I’m hoping they get easier to deal with with time and with me focusing on recovering/going to AA/reading the Big Book
That’s the beauty of the disease we do the same thing expecting a different outcome even though it never happens positively anyways. Well I’m not being pushy just a suggestion get a sponsor work the steps it’s very liberating. If for whatever reason A.A. isn’t you’re thing try N.A. it’s all inclusive alcohol/narcotics both drugs and focus on the similarities than the differences. I do both but work the steps from N.A. not gonna lie it’s a bitch to be rigorously honest, and work the program 100%. But it’s the best life I’ve had so far in the short time I’ve been getting some traction finally .
Thanks! It’s so crazy how manipulative my own MIND is. Sometimes I will find myself constantly arguing with myself over drinking. Even before I completely quit. I tried cutting down which was impossible and my mind would continue with the “just one more” “it’s not THAT bad” “everyone else here is doing it” “next time you won’t get that out of control.” Rinse and repeat. No matter how hungover or sick I was the next day my mind was up and ready to convince me to pick up again. At times I also found myself drinking just to prevent myself from withdrawing, which also just ended in me continuing to drink over and over again. Finally I had to suck it up and accept that I was going to HAVE to withdraw to get sober. Now I’m here! This will be my first sober weekend so I’m hoping I’ll be able to conquer that as well.
Welcome! I find in early days it’s helpful to read some quit lit, podcasts are good too, and just fill yourself with that sort of content.
Thank you so much! I would love that! And that’s a really good idea having someone in every time zone. I never thought of that. But that definitely is a really good idea. Especially because I struggle with sleeping sometimes when I’m anxious. And I used to work night shift so I’m still on that circadian rhythm sometimes. But I did pick up some overtime as work as well so at least my Saturday evening will be occupied as well.