New in recovery

Hey my name is mersadise but I rather be called sadise I didn’t realize I was an addicted nor did I realized I had a diesease I was drinking since I was 11 but popping pills since I was 9 because I broke my ankle and then when I turned 10 I had my tonsils removed so they gave me liquid morphine my dad had a back problem and he had perk 5s so I would sneak them I didn’t know why I was itching for them I was only nine I didn’t know I could get addicted to them well my life goes on I started getting heavy and now snorting pills heavily I’m 15 years old I started drinking during school hours but never got caught I would bring joints to school and go for short walks and come back I would spray my self so they couldn’t smell me and I would put mint gum in my mouth so they couldn’t smell the vodka I Loved my sew drivers but I didn’t drink to were I got wasted I drank so I had a buzz after then I but I I had to raise my brothers and sister because my step mom and my dad were odd partying all the time so who was left me even tho I was fucked up all the time I still cooked cleaned bath and put them on the bus while I went to school and we’ll I even found a baby sitter too for my younger brother and when I couldn’t I would skip school just to watch him after a couple years went on when I truned 17 my dad stoped drinking but he was a dry drunk he did coke and when he did have it he was mean so if that’s were I get it from well there no guessing … turned 18 I moved with my mom and not long after that a friend if mine well at the time gave me a piece of sub because I was feeling down he said it would make me feel better …I was drunk at the time I got addicted to that on Top of the alcohol pills bud … Well when I was 20 my grandma passed away I took that very hard she raised me as beat as she could my parents went they my dad was a navy seal so he drowned the ptsd with the bottle and my mom I was just up and left me so why did I move in with her I had to watch my niece or she would be in a foster home because her mother wanted nothing to do with her and my niece needed me I was always there for since day one even when my mom didn’t want me there well a year later I pulled the plug on my father I was to busy snorting Meth SMOKEING crack drinking snorting pills and subs… I started to do even more of everything 3times as much as I did before but still didn’t think I had a problem after 2 years of my father passing I get pregnant for my daughter I stopped everything besides Meth and you can judge me all you want but the thing is I wanted to stop so bad I really did but I couldn’t when I was 7 months with my daughter is when I new I had to stop so I did I stopped… Well I had my daughter and she wasn’t born an addicted witch I was very lucky when she was 3 weeks old I started shoot up crystal and subs I stayed up for weeks and still didn’t think I had a problem I started making Meth with my bf I had Meth MIT’s and end up picking and I got cellulites it went half way to my heart and I still didn’t quite my mom keptes feeding me my habit so fuck it right and when my mom didn’t give me money me and my bf would come up with a way to make it well he ended up going to jail after a while my daughter was 3 and a half months the old I went into my mother’s bathroom shot up 200 ccs of crystal went out into the living room of my mother’s house looked at her and I realized I wanted to stop so bad and I couldn’t and I new one of these times I was going to die my daughter smiled at me with a twinkle in her eye and I thought to my self I’m not about to take the only parent she has away from her she don’t deserve that because her father comes and goes I called my sister in law and asked for help she’s a recovering addict her self NY bf come home from jail and we called a rehab in new york and they didn’t have anything but new a guy who can help us and he flew us out to California… I’ve been in rehab since 8-17-19 we don’t say our recover dates to drag we say our recovery dates so we know we’re we came from and the reason not to go back to that place


WOW! Your story is intense and heartbreaking. Your in a great place here and everyone is kind and helpful. My sober date is 8/16/19 and just got out of rehab about 3 1/2 weeks ago. My DOC was alchohol,benzos and opioids. I was addicted to coke in the 90’s. I’m here if you need to talk.


Thank you this is hard but if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it I never thought I would ever be sober but here I am killing it here we are killing it

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Hey there Hun,
I read your story. Thank you for sharing such a deep part of yourself and your life. You have such resiliency to be able to move forward and confront what you have experienced.

I would encourage you to look at trauma therapy. It may support your quest to recovery and heal the past traumatizing experiences you have endured.

I understand as I have gone through my own traumatic experiences as a child.

We are here to listen and support your voice as you make known what happened you do. We are here to witness it and validate you.

I look forward to seeing more posts by you.

@LovelyLya she is a great person to talk to about your childhood trauma and pain. Please message her because I think she could help you and help one another. :kissing_heart:

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Thank you so much @ReneeAnn

Wow, you are Soo insanely strong to come back from all the demons and the shit hand in life you were dealt! I can definitely relate to the shity home life and using early on due to an injury. It’s not easy! But you are rising above and that gives me Soo much hope that I too can beat this! :blue_heart: Sending nothing but good vibes to you!