Thought I would give an intro here and I’ll try to keep it short. I always told myself I wasn’t an addict because I was able to stop drinking for a few days or a week when needed. But I realize when I do drink it’s typ excessive. The number of nights a week that I drink have began to outweigh the number of nights I do not. This off/on alc use & abuse has gone on for a couple years and I’ve found myself being hung over and calling into work with some regularity lately. I feel vulnerable saying this but I’m afraid I am an alcoholic.
It’s seldom (although once is too many) but when drunk I sometimes say something smart aleck/mean/spiteful to the mrs that’s completely unnecessary. She said something this weekend and I realized I have to stop drinking before this permanently impacts my marriage.
I can’t “cut back” or “take another break for a few weeks” like I’ve done 100 times in the past. That’s what has gotten me in this situation. It simply has to stop. My relationship with my wife and kids is too important. I love them all too much.
I’ve told her I’d like to quit and have asked for her help. She agreed to stop offering cocktails and such.
I guess my question to you all is; what is my next step? What do I do? Where do I go from here?
2 days clean.
Welcome here Jay! Seems to me you’ve made the right decision in becoming clean and sober. Whether we call ourselves addicts, alcoholics, junkies, problem drinkers, substance abusers, whatever, it’s not important. We are humans who have problems with substances (or have problematic addictive behaviours). And we help each other. To me this place has been what made my sobriety stick for almost 600 days now, so my first advice is hang around here. Read, post, comment, support, get support. Learn. Knowledge is power. You already have some good insights into what is going on in your life. Good you are taking action now. And I’m glad you’re here. Together we’re strong. Alone it’s too much. Welcome again and success to you!
PS. here’s a thread with a lot of info. Hope it’s of some use to you. Frequently asked questions about sobriety for newcomers
Welcome Jay! Great job on deciding enough is enough. I started my sobriety journey two year on 29/01 this year. I relapsed after 111 days for some months then in that time I realised that I can not drink. Within 4 weeks I was drinking more than I was before and I found it really hard to stop. For me one is too many and 100 not enough. I’m at 533 days today and I couldn’t of done it without this place. I come here everyday, read and learn every time. Your wife sounds very supportive. Look after yourself and be gentle with yourself. Sober is the best way, I promise you you will not regret it. Look forward to seeing you around!
First…welcome. I’m glad you found your way to this group and to the realization that a “couple drinks” is never really just a “couple.” At least for most of us here…I am raising my hand on this.
I hear a lot of my story in your words you bravely spoke today, and like you I decided enough was enough. No longer did I want want to play this drinking mind F game with myself while hurting the people I love most in the process.
I have been AF for 1 month and 48 days…most days I feel pretty good, but the whisper of “go stop for lunch or why not quick have a couple” creeps in, and I HATE it…it’s frustrating, but that’s when I have to dig deep…remembering just how ugly I have been when so drunk I couldn’t even articulate words, and my husband would have to carry my lifeless drunken body to bed…staying up to make sure I’m still breathing; I don’t want to do that anymore…I don’t want to hurt his feelings by drunkenly telling him to leave, to nastily say get out, and face him in the morning…never remembering a word of my spite.
A lot of self talk, reflection, reading…encouraging when I can and walking…man do I walk a LOT, but it seems to help. Like I said, it’s hard…and I wrestle with myself at times, but I have proven to myself that I can do this…and you can too!
Believe, Fight and NEVER give up on you! YOU are worth fighting for! YOU are stronger than you know.
We’re all here…we all understand your struggle and if you need us you just need to reach out.
So glad your here friend! I’m looking forward to walking with ya!
I know that sounds scary but there are many much worse things that we could be. In a weird way becoming an alcoholic is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
Ultimately in the end we have to quit for ourselves. Plenty of people start their sobriety journey quitting for their significant others, their kids and that can be a great motivator. Speaking from my own personal experience though that motivation can turn to resentment unintentionally.
We don’t deprive ourselves of anything by not drinking or using, drinking and using deprives us if plenty though. Sobriety isn’t a punishment, it’s a miracle. I know things seem hard and scary right now but your life will improve dramatically in sobriety my friend. I wish you well.
@Feezy - can’t addd anymore to the good advice above - although, I’m also alcohol free for 14 days, my demons are meth, married with kids and they don’t know. I’ve opened up to my wife and I have support - but being expressive here is everything for me - re. Alcohol, it’s a disease for me. I just can’t have one drink - others have control - I don’t - just like my diabetes - I’ll always have it - but I have to control it - it’ll never leave me so if I don’t take my meds, control my sugar - “I will die” same with alcohol - not to mention - my meth use - so 2 days? That’s f’n awesome. Your sleep will improve - you’ll feel better and your intolerable behavior will be tolerable. And you’ve been given a 2nd chance to live for your family - it’s a journey - keep your head bro - and keep checking in.
Hi, John here, nice to meet you. Great that you found this place! I see you are getting some great feedback/advice akready! My only advice will be to suggest you visit here often for strength and encouragement. Welcome to the sober life!
Thank you all for the responses. I will chew on what you all have said as time goes and continue checking in on the forum. Appreciate the welcoming words and suggestions.
Welcome. I am glad you are here, and hope you will stay. Your story sounds a lot like mine, in that for years I was an alcohol abuser/high functioning alcoholic. I did many short quit, until one day I decided I wanted to quit for good. I had 30 days and then relapsed when my Mom died, and became a full blown alcoholic sometime during the next 11 months. I finally quit again when I realized how hard it was on my family. I’ve been sober now for over 3 years.
What’s the next step? It depends on you, and what you are willing to do to stay sober. I have come to this forum every one of my 1153 sober days, which I don’t think coincidental. Read, learn, share.
I would also suggest you examine your drinking rituals, people and places that you associate with alcohol, and find healthy alternatives.
You might consider a 12-step program. I haven’t attended any meetings…yet, but I would in a heartbeat if I felt the urge to drink.
The biggest thing is to say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. When you do, there can’t be a 2nd or 3rd or eighth drink. You win. First round KO.
When you need it, come here. There’s always someone here to offer support. These are some of the finest souls I’ve had the occasion to know. Really.
Welcome Jay.
Great start knocking out 2 days. Way to go!! Like others have said, I also check in here every single day since Jan 3 2020. At first I do my gratitude list. We got so much to be grateful for when we are sober. Every single day I log my gratitude list right here on the daily gratitude thread. It’s a great foundation to start my day. And with a beautiful wife and child you probably got a lot to be grateful for.
My wife and I have been drinking buddies forever. She still drinks. But she totally supports my sobriety. And there’s alway booze in the house. Although she cut back to just wine lately. So I’m grateful for that
Anyway. Read around. Join in when your willing and before you think about that first drink. Check in here. The lovely people here talked me through my 60th bday sober and I gave myself the gift of sobriety the next morning instead of a massive headache.
You are worth the benefits sobriety has to offer and so is your wife and child.
I hope to see you around.
Take it one day at a time and stay focused and strong. It will get better, I’m on 45 days of being clean. I have a heart condition and staying alive is my main motivation for staying clean and the people here are awesome!!
Welcome. You made a great decision. For me (29 days sober) coming here where I could finally say I was abusing alcohol and all the times I tried to cut back and control it but failed was freeing. I found so many similar stories and it made me feel so normal and understood. And it’s ok that I can’t control it. It’s ok that I’m sober and that I’m not effed up because I can’t moderate a literal poison I’m trying to ingest because society has us thinking we’re the problem not the poison. Since then I’ve been coming back to read and chat. But mostly I’m building up the things in all areas in my life to support me and make me healthier overall. I opened up to a few people about what I’m going through and they check on me and let me talk. Found a couple people here I communicate with often. I’ve been reading things on spiritual growth and alcohol addiction. Getting back into things I loved to do but stopped because I was drinking. Taking walks. Got a therapist to help unpack why I’m using alcohol to escape. Praying and meditating. Writing notes and phrases to myself in the house or at work. I tell myself every day to figure out what’s the next right thing to do. That may not be all for you. But what I did find is the holistic approach is helpful and effective. I read a book that puts it taking care of “I, It, its, We”. Meaning taking care of and improving I (your spiritual/mental) it (your body/physical) it’s (your environment) we (your community). Also for me this is a commitment and with time one I’m growing to be glad for. This isn’t a restraining order or proof that I’m a failure. I’m accepting who I am and that I’m worthy and it’s not shameful to be sober or unable to moderate it. It’s so brave and courageous to admit it and fight it.
16 days. I thought days 2 & 3 were the toughest until the first Fri/ Sat nights rolled around.
I find myself drinking a crap ton of tea now. Black tea, green tea, decaf, non decaf you name it. It seems to help especially on the weekends.
Will make an effort to chime in more rather than lurking about.
Appreciate the overwhelming support.
raising my hand on this.
