I’m a 40 year old woman, and im here to start down the road to take my life back.
I’ve been in active addiction on and off (more on) for the last 10 years.
Started with heroin, then crack, and from there my whole life fell apart. My children were taken into care, I lost my home and my business all within three months. That was 8 years ago.
I’ve been using 2 bags (heroin) a day pretty consistently for the last few years and things were stable enough that I convinced myself I was in control.
Lately the gears going downhill so I started doing one gear and one crack. Then two crack, then I’m scoring in the morning aswell, and now every day is getmoney-score-use-repeat. Im borrowing money I can’t pay back, no food or paying bills. Im scruffy and dirty, my home is disgusting and I just can’t take this anymore.
I can finally admit that I’m absolutely powerless. But I’m also scared to death of getting straight and facing what ive done to my life.
Im not really expecting anyone to read this. I just needed to get it out.
We are reading it and you are most welcome here Stick around and claim your life back. Do you have real life support?? You might need help and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t fight the fight alone.
Welcome to the community Ami, its normal to feel scared but you aren’t alone now, you have all of us here to help and support you, you wont be met with judgement here this is a safe place for you, talk whenever you need and well done for choosing to get straight, that’s brave in itself, hugs
Hi Ami! Welcome to the forum friend. Glad u found us
My DOC was crack cocaine as well and I absolutely understand the crazy merry-go-round we go on when in active addiction. I promise u, that u dont need to live this way anymore. Its scary in the beginning to think of our lives with drugs AND without them. But with support and daily effort on ur recovery, it IS possible to get clean. It DOES get easier over time.
Have u thought of rehab? Or 12 step meetings? Theres meetings in person and online. Meetings helped so much for me, especially in early recovery.
Anyway, im glad ur here! Reach out before u pick up so we can help u thru the cravings. One day at a time!
You are very brave. Change is scary. I am going through a lot myself. You can always reach out to me to chat. Remember it‘s never too late to start over. YOU CAN DO IT
Welcome Amy,
Stick around. You’ll find us a nice caring bunch that in one way or another know what you’re going through. And we’re all on your side.
Have a good read around. Join in when you’re comfortable.
Thank you for sharing your story. There and will be a lot of people reading and responding to your story. I am sure if you check in each day you will receive enormous support. I am only here for a month or so now (90 days sober) and the support is awesome.
Wishing for you a full recovery to get your life back Len
Welcome,you have already made a huge step by coming here and admitting you have a problem. You have a lot of support on this forum,someone is always here. You are not alone, all of us here have battled addiction in one way or another. It is a hard journey but I promise it is worth it. Have you reached out to AA? They have meetings for every addiction not just drinkers. There are a lot of resources,keep us posted and take it one day at a time.
My name is Jacob, I’m in my seventh year off of meth/heroin (amongst other stuff too). My point is, recovery is possible. We can do this together but I know I wouldn’t have been able to stay clean without support.
Detox facilities are usually free, have you thought about checking in there or the hospital to help you so you don’t have to much while you kick? that’s what i always did so i didn’t have to cook clean or do anything other than be dope sick. They’ll also have resources like times/locations of meetings and maybe rehab. Are you on medicaid? if so, rehab might be an option for you. detox facilities might even help you get on medicaid so you can get into rehab. there are actually resources available but you have to put in the foot work.
if you need any help let me know, and i can post links for you to face-to-face meeting fginders and virtual meeting finders if you want. hospitals will help you detox too, i know from my own experience
You might not have expected anyone to read it, but I’m really glad you posted. What you just did is one of the hardest parts of recovery: telling the truth out loud and admitting you’re powerless over the cycle. That honesty shows strength — not weakness.
You’ve survived things most people can’t even imagine. The fact you’re still here, still thinking, still wanting to change, means there’s something in you that hasn’t given up. That part matters.
Right now, it’s normal to feel terrified. Getting clean doesn’t just mean quitting the drugs — it means facing pain, guilt, shame, and the mess that addiction leaves behind. Anyone in your shoes would be scared. You’re human.
But here’s the hopeful part:
You don’t have to fix all of this at once. Recovery happens one honest decision at a time. One phone call. One meeting. One moment where you say, “Not today.”
And you don’t have to face it alone. There are people willing to help you — not judge you. Fellow addicts in recovery, support workers, doctors, counselors… all of them know there’s a way out because they’ve seen it happen over and over.
The house, the business, the money — all of that can be rebuilt. Your kids can still know the recovered version of you. Relationships can be repaired. Self-respect can return. It just takes time, honesty, and support.
For today, don’t think about the years ahead or every mistake you’ve made. Just focus on this:
You’re sick of the cycle.
You’re asking for change.
You’re still fighting.
That means you’re not done.
Reach out to a local recovery service or clinic. Go to a meeting. Tell one person in real life what you told us here. Momentum starts small — sometimes with a single sentence.
You’ve already taken the first step by admitting you can’t do this alone. That’s huge.
Keep going. You’re not beyond help, and you’re not beyond hope. The road back is real, and people walk it every single day.
My daughter is the closest thing I have to a sponsor. She has seen the best of me before I was the worst version of me. I promise the look in their eyes as you hit a milestone or honestly show progress… The best reassurance we can get
. You’re not alone, you can do this.
Stick around and claim your life back. Do you have real life support?? You might need help and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t fight the fight alone.
I am new too I was 41 days sober and relapsed AGAIN im so fed up going through the same thing things need to change
