Hi. I’m new here. Really needing support. I was sober for 3 years, then relapsed for a year, sober for 14 months and just released again. Starting over.
My life is crumbling before me. I started with “responsible” drinking and it has quickly gotten out of control. My last binge I woke up bruised after a major blackout.
I am from a city in Canada but moved to Africa and started a family here. Now I’m divorced with 2 kids living alone in a country where I have no family or friends and only an ex husband. My drinking caused our marriage to breakdown, my family caused me huge problems when they tried to get me back to Canada. Now I feel like I have no one. No one messages me. I sit at home alone when I don’t have the kids. I get lonely and go out only to end up getting myself into worse and worse situations. It needs to stop but I don’t know how to live anymore. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I feel completely lost, sorry for myself and confused. I know alcohol is holding me back and making my life unmanageable but I don’t know how to just get through the days anymore. When I get through sober days I feel lonely, failed and unmotivated. I don’t know my purpose anymore. As the primary caregiver of my kids for the last 5 years they have been my purpose. Now I suddenly have times without them and I’m trying to figure out who I am. I thought it would be great but what I’m discovering is that I am no one anymore. I am ashamed of who I have become and I don’t know how to change it. I was emotionally abused by my mother all my life. Controlled and abused. Then I chose a husband who did the same thing. I hate being controlled but I don’t know how to live life on my own as a result.
I am sure there are others who feel the same way. I know that sobriety is the only option but I don’t know how to do it. I have been sober for one day and I just feel so isolated and disconnected from the world around me.
Hi @Expat, reading your post it seems to me that you are strongert than you think. You are in control of your life, you have beaten this before and you can do it again!
Keep posting and sharing, you will always have friends here x
Thank you. I have done it before but my life has not been good sober either. I went through a serious depression and had no real support. Especially as I was in a very isolated part of a very foreign country with a very controlling husband. My second time sober I went through the worst hell of my life. Being completely controlled by my parents and behaving in a very unreasonable way. It’s as if I have no idea how to just be a person. I am not sure where to turn for help. Besides here. Where I live I have no family and no friends and there is no counseling or AA as it is a very small and isolated town in Africa. I’m a Canadian girl and I just feel so completely disconnected and out of place. I have to stay here because of my children.
I can’t even begin to imagine what you have been and are going through. All I know is that alcohol will never make things better. I’ve used that excuse too many times over the past 30 years and I hope I don’t have to use it again.
Stay Strong x
@Expat. You will be surprised most addicts will tell a story similar to yours, at least parts or versions of it. The alcohol became our everything. It’s hard to think about a way to live without it BUT that’s the addiction lying to you. You can do this I will not sugar coat it it will be the fight of your life. But if you do the repair work on you, you start to put the pieces of you back together. It’s kinda slow at first then it’s just like wow that person in the mirror is awesome. I would suggest a few things: AA/NA, SMART, Women in Sobriety they all have a online presence so that might fill in a little of your isolated existence problem. You should try to meditate, walk, exercise, and maybe seek out a person counselor or therapist. I live in a rural area of western Kansas and when I need to get to a meeting I will travel to one. I have one meeting that I like enough I drive 4 hours to make it to, yes that’s right! You have to work your sobriety as hard as you worked at be an addict. I’m going to get a little AA on you but there’s a quote I think is very comforting to share. "Rarely have we seen someone fail who adopts all these principles ". Now I can’t tell you what program will fit you but try one or them all and make yourself healthy again. If I butchered the women in sobriety name I’m going to tag @Oliverjava she has information on this. Best wishes we will cheer you on every step of the way just keep at it
Welcome to the group. There is so much love and support here, read and post often. You have strength and the knowledge of how to be sober, that is a great starting point!
Just do the next right thing that’s it just focus on one decision at a time. With good decisions your self confidence will return.
Start running, exercising. The sweat will detoxify you and gives you a sense of power