Not sure why i decided to go buy a beer and didnt stop for 5 days.
Im so strong with all aspects in life but this drinking gotta stop. Today not drinking.
Why do i think i can have one beer.
Dumb lies i told my self.
Fucking insane.
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Yep. We’ve all been there. We all understand. Don’t pick up tonight.
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Welcome 
this is the fucking addiction that tells us to drink again if we don’t have a plan in action. I always wondered why I can achieve everything in life why I can do everything if I really wanted to but just not to stop drinking. It really is the addiction. With me I could only stop because I stopped fighting and went to meetings. I did online meetings and I did in person meetings and I still do the meetings…where I found my lovely sponsor. I did everything she told me most importantly not to pick up and call other AA people if I wanted to drink. It took me years until I am where I am now. Get a plan, may it be AA or coming to this site every time you want to drink. get rid of the alcohol at home and plan ahead what you do when the cravings come. You can do it.
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Sorry abput the relapse, I had my share of it as well. Even relapsed ones after 5 years of sober time. So I know how bad it can feel.
Like @Sunshine-girl mentioned: make a plan and be prepared. I made one for myself back then and it helped me a lot. Sober for years now.
You can find it here:
Maybe it gives you some idea’s to try as well.
Welcome here on this forum, despite the occasion it is a good place to be. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
See you around! 
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Really thanks for advice. I will look into maybe online aa help. Or a program online.
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Welcome to TS. And yeah I know the feeling. But words alone won’t work. Build a plan, especially during time when an urge comes. Come here and read a lot,it’s helpful too. You can do it 
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How do you deal with the embarrassment of blackout drunk episodes? I moved to a small town of around a thousand people, and I don’t know half the stuff I’ve done when I’m drunk. I just hear whispers here and there about the stupid things I’ve done. How do you deal with looking or walking past people when you don’t know what you’ve done, and you just get a smirk here and there? The blackout episodes I’ve had are just so hard to deal with. I don’t know what to do about that. How would you guys deal with the blackout episodes and the embarrassment?
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Accept the fact that you cannot change what has been done, but you can change what will be done. Just do the next right thing, for today you will not drink. Show others change through action. You deserve a sober, happy life. Best wishes
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