Welcome @Anonymous7 
You are not alone. Everyone here has gotten to a point where the problem became so obvious we had to open our eyes and stop. We’ve all been there with you.
For me personally, learning from other people in recovery from addiction has been very helpful. I couldn’t be sober without the sober connections I’ve made and the sober groups I’ve joined.
There’s a list of groups here. There’s also a list of podcasts and books - all useful for learning about how to find freedom:
Take care and don’t give up. It is possible if you keep searching and learning, keep connected - don’t isolate - and take it one day at a time.