New to sobriety ... I have questions

Life in Recovery
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I’ve recently decided to get sober, after knowing I have had a problem for a very long time. I have been a functioning, closet alcoholic for many years. The past 6 months or so have gotten really bad. I got to the point where I was drinking a third to half of a 1.75L bottle of vodka per day. (That’s about 20-30oz per day.)

Last Friday I drank heavily from morning until I passed out around 6pm. I woke up on Saturday with severe nausea and an elevated heart rate. I tried drinking some water and eating a little bit, but I ended up throwing up. Then I threw up quite a bit of blood. That’s when it hit me. I’m going to die if I keep going like this. So, I stopped.

Now, I am 5 days sober, and I am bound and determined to make it. I have some questions for those who have more experience than I.

I have a constant headache. How long will it last? Is it okay to take tylenol or motrin for my headache, even thought I’m trying to get my liver and kidneys to heal? Is there anything I can take?

I thought I would start feeling better in the mornings without the hangovers, but I have a weird brain fog for the first couple hours I am awake. Is this normal?

I’m lucky to have been able to push through the cravings thus far, but I’m afraid it will get worse over time. What do you do when you start craving a drink? How do you stay motivated when you live with someone who is an occasional drinker? Also, how do you not replace one addiction with another (i.e. caffeine, food, shopping, etc.)?

Between work, volunteering at our church, my son and his school/extracurricular activities, helping take care of my ailing mother-in-law, and trying to maintain a good relationship with my husband, I don’t have time to attend meetings. Do you find that this forum is a good place to go for a quick, 5-minute motivator? Are there any other good resources you use?

I think those are the only questions I have for now. I have to get back to work, so I may not be able to read your responses until later tonight, but I appreciate any insight you all might be able to give to me!

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Welcome to Talking Sober GoatsSpicyMama! And congrats on your decision to quit your drinking. Congrats on making it to 5 days sober and here’s wishing you all success in your journey to a better sober life.

As to your questions: the only real advice I have is to talk to a medical professional. You were drinking a lot. You threw up quite a lot of blood after quitting. That could be blood from your stomach, from your oesophagus, or from another place in your body. I have no idea how your physical condition is so I have no idea what I to advise you as to taking painkillers or not.

I hear this brain fog reported by other alcoholics who quit drinking (I’m an alcoholic myself, and a nurse who works in a detox). I found this link which gives a pretty accurate (IMHO) overview of what to expect going through alcohol withdrawal.

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/alcohol

You’re already on day six, but I’m going to say it anyhow: people really shouldn’t detox from alcohol on their own, without medical supervision. It’s outright dangerous. So I commend you on making it through so far, but I still say you should go and talk to a medical doctor.

As to making your sobriety stick: once we get sober, the real work begins. There are reasons we were drinking this much my friend. These reasons have to be addressed or we will relapse. I drank to hide from my feelings, to escape this world I found too hard to live in. Once I became sober I had to learn to face the world and my feelings and deal with them. Life didn’t become easier, but it became much much better.

What I’m saying is that living sober takes time and work and effort. You will need to find that time to make it. For me this place, this forum has been the difference between failure in the past and success now. It’s my safe sober place where I do find the motivation and inspiration to keep going on the sober road. One day at a time.

It does take more than a quick 5 minute motivational visit though. It’s about connection. Addiction isolates. Addiction makes us alone and lonely. Being sober and in Recovery means we need to look for connection. That can be done right here but it takes time. I’m sorry but quick 5 minute visits is not going to do it.

Many folks do go to meetings or visit them online and find their sober peers there. Whatever you do, don’t go it alone. It doesn’t work. This isn’t about willpower. This is about following the right road, which is travelled together. I’m glad you’re here GoatsSpicyMama. Together we’re strong. Hoping to see and hear more from you. We’re in this together. :people_hugging: :heart:

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Welcome to the community :raising_hand_woman:
And 5 days is brilliant :star:
I think Mno has given some great advice, I hope to see you around :hugs:

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Hello. I have 29 years of recovery. I was drinking a fifth of hard liquor each day and using enough cocaine for 10 persons when i entered inpatient treatment in 1994. My best friend was my coke dealer, i got all the cocaine i wanted. I had a VERY busy law practice as a trial lawyer. I thought i was “too busy” to attend meetings, too. Truth is i just was too selfish and vain to go, but all that changed when i graduated from inpatient treatment and started Aftercare.

I saw a professional to get assessed. I did what he told me, i left my business in the care of an active meth addict and completed inpatient treatment, returned to get ready for a 9 day complex divorce trial. When it was done i met with the trial judge in his chambers and told him i had just got out of inpatient treatment. His reactiion was that he told me he was very impressed i had just completed a very contested 9 day trial. He was very supportive. I needed to tell him but was terrified of how he might have reacted.

After that meeting with that judge, I met with two additional judges who saw me a lot in their courtrooms for jury and bench criminal trials. One was a judge who was very stern on the bench and almost everyone, including many lawyers, were intimidated by him. I always liked him even if he was stern. Because he was always respectful. The other was a lady who I really admired a lot for how she behaved on the bench. Both were extremely supportive although I was also terrified of how they might respond. I felt I needed to tell them because I respected and looked up to these judges a LOT. I can’t tell you how much that invigorated my recovery and validated my using the 12 Step Program.

I work a recovery program daily. I still attend AA and CA meetings. Most of my closest friends are from those meetings. Instead of focusing on their differences i focus on how we are similar. If i used the excuse that I’m too busy and did not attend meetings, i would’ve relapsed long ago. We all have busy lives. If you are willing to do whatever it takes to get into and stay in recovery, you make time to construct a new life with living support from people you can see face to face. I’m a proud 29 year member of the Whatever It Takes Club.

I would recommend you see a professional substance use disorder person. It sounds like you may have co-occurring medical disorders besides acute withdrawal symptoms. Get help because you may have a life threatening condition.

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I would probably re-evaluate this statement. If you had time to drink from morning until passing out then you have time to work on recovery. Using this forum for only a quick 5 minute motivator will probably not be enough. Recovery takes a lot of hard work and commitment. You are motivated enough to ask good questions so that is a good start, but I would recommend really investing all of your effort into sobriety.

The physical symptoms are normal and will last up to 30 days. Stay hydrated and see a doctor if your symptoms worsen.

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Congratulations on 5 days. I’m no expert in sobriety as I’m pretty new as well, but lot of practice trying, failing, and trying again over the past 5 years or so. I feel very fortunate that the only physical withdrawals that I had were pretty bad sleep for about a week, particularly the first few days with night sweats.

Headache seems a pretty common withdrawal symptom. Most things I’ve read say that these physical withdrawal symptoms typically go away after 7-10 days. For myself, after 10 days I was sleeping like a rock, so hopefully that is true for other withdrawal symptoms. I won’t comment on whether or not you should use Motrin or anything like that…that’s way outside of my purview.

Brain fog was something I experienced for the first week or so, but can’t say for certain if that was a withdrawal thing or just a really crappy sleep thing…I’m thinking more the latter. After about 4 nights my sleep got a little better and a little better and a little better incrementally and as I said earlier, after about 10 nights I was sleeping like a rock and still am and I don’t have any of that brain fog anymore.

My cravings were the worst on day three and have gotten better over the days following…I’m not really having them at this point other than the occasional thought that crosses my brain which I just acknowledge and dismiss. I’m also coming at this from both an “experiment” standpoint as well as a whole body health and wellness standpoint. I do a lot of journaling and I’m sort of treating myself as the subject, but also the scientist behind this little experiment of being AF.

On the health and wellness side of things, I really got into health and fitness and nutrition about 10 years ago (a bit ironic given my alcohol issues). Basically really got into overall wellness and addressed just about every aspect of it except for my drinking which I allowed myself and told myself it wasn’t a problem because I was doing all of these other things. I’m genuinely curious how this experiment will translate to my overall health and fitness. Things took a big dive for me during the pandemic and I’m trying to get my fitness back to pre-pandemic levels and I’m finding it much easier to get on with things being AF…so I’d say nutrition and fitness have kind of become my new (but not new) obsession and really curious about what I can achieve since I was able to achieve quite a lot while drinking like a fish.

I spent a few months trying out AA and going to meetings and ultimately, it’s not really my bag for numerous reasons that I don’t want to go into because I know it does help a lot of people…it’s just not for me. I read quite a bit of “quit lit” and have been listening to a variety of AF living podcasts on my daily walks and I try to get on here a few times per day. I’ve also joined a hiking group on Meetup and met some cool people…I don’t know if they drink or not and it hasn’t come up but at least I know I’m meeting people where our engagement doesn’t revolve around or involve alcohol at all. Beyond that, from a nutrition standpoint drinking just doesn’t jive with everything else I do…I gave up fast food years ago because I felt like it wasn’t really doing me any favors nutritionally, and it wasn’t a big deal. Alcohol definitely isn’t doing me any favors nutritionally and is actually toxic…I don’t want to put that in my body anymore.

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Welcome to Talking Sober forum (“TS”). The best advice i received early on was take that time you spent drinking and dedicate it to your recovery. I was amazed how much time i was wasting.

You’ll need to build a strong foundation for your recovery and for me community is key. I found that community here and in the rooms of AA. All i can say is dont knock it until you try it. If AAs not your thing theres SMART, Dharma Recovery, etc.

I kick started my sobriety as an experiment…i commited to 30 days and followed Annie Grace’s 30 day experiment. Google it. I learned alot about the effects of alcohol and the reasons why i drank.

Write down all the reasons alcohol is harmful to you (health, relationships, work, etc) and reference em when cravings come.

P.s. vomiting blood is serious - go and be honest with a doctor - what do you have to lose?

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I totally get that life gets busy but i found that it was only until i put just as much effort (if not more) into my recovery as i did in drinking and using drugs, that i was able to see true results in my recovery. I know that for me, if i didnt put recovery first, i would have lost everything all over again. Even if u cant get to in person meetings, there are online ones available that could maybe work for u. I use the Intherooms app. They have AA meetings at a variety of times :slight_smile:

I go over my reasons WHY i quit. I remember what drinking/using drugs caused me. The guilt and shame, the physical issues i had, the destroyed relationships, etc etc and i distract myself with other activites.

This for me was tough. I absolutely struggled with it. But in all honesty, in the beginning of my recovery, i gave myself grace for spending a little too much on something, or indulging in food etc. Over time, once i had more stability in my recovery, i was able to tone down on the other addictions i had switched too. Food being my biggest switched addiction, i have been able to get back into the healthy eating and exercising and i dont find myself needing to fill that void with other things.

Also congratulations on ur 5 days of sobriety! I think this is a wonderful gift that u can give urself and ur family :slight_smile: proud of u for coming on here and sharing ur thoughts. Hope to see u posting more!

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You came to the right place. :people_hugging: Books have been my greatest resource. This one, and Allen Carr’s Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking helped me save my life.

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I still (642 days :blush:) don’t like to take ibuprofen or acetaminophen if I don’t have to. I use peppermint oil, inhaler, tea.
You can do this! Right here with you :heart:

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Hi Cjp! Thank you for all the great resources for me to research!

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Awesome! This is right up my alley! Thank you!

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Hi Butterflymoonwoman! Thank you for your insight! I really appreciate the advice! :blush:

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Hi cwolfman13! Thank you for your encouraging words! I appreciate that you recognize that AA isn’t for everyone. I’ve actually attended meetings in the past, when I was dabbling with the idea of sobriety, but never committed. Honestly, it’s not just about the time commitment, it’s also because I don’t do well in those sorts of environments. I appreciate all your insight and advice! Thank you!

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Well said…

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How are ya, @GoatsSpicyMama ? Hope you’re all set for a happy Mother’s Day weekend! :full_moon_with_face:

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Hi @BirdyP! I’m doing well! I hit 7 days today and I physically feel so much better already. I actually ordered Annie Grace’s 30 day “Alcohol Experiment” book that @Cjp suggested. I researched it a bit and I think it will work well for me. It should be arriving tonight.

We are definitely ready for Mother’s Day! It’s not the typical champagne brunch, Swedish massage and steakhouse dinner that we usually do, but we will be staying in our pjs, ordering take out, eating junk food, making root beer floats, watching movies and playing lots of video games! My son is thrilled! LOL

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That sounds like an awesome mothers day weekend!

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Oh, Yeah! :raised_hands:t2: Day 7! :dancer:t2:So glad to hear you’re feeling better.
Great book! I think I’ve got them all. Lol
Enjoy your weekend. Keep up the good work! Right here with ya.:heart:

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To correct a statement made above, physical symptoms after cessation of consumption of alcohol or drugs can last for years, not 30 days. Post Acute Withdrawal all by itself can last up to two years.

The rest of the above post is absolutely spot on. You should be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stay not just “sober” but stay or enter into “recovery”, which is your goal, not just “being sober”, which is a miserable place if you have no recovery program you are actively working at the same time.

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