Hi, new here. I’m 29. Apart from two dry January’s and a sober October I’ve been drunk every night for ten years. I’m a functioning alcoholic and only drink in the evenings. Normally about 6-8 cans of beer. Sometimes more at weekends. After completing dry January again this year I once again convinced myself that I can’t be an alcoholic cos otherwise I wouldn’t have gone a month sober. I told myself I would like just have a couple of beers on Friday and Saturday nights. But already only a few weeks into February and I’ve just come off a five day streak of heavy drinking in the evening. I’ve decided enough is enough and I’m going sober indefinitely. I’m kind of pissed at myself for not having the willpower to be a normal drinker. I’m also finally getting therapy for my anxiety and it was going great when I wasn’t drinking but I’m back to square one again since dry January finished. So yeah, I’m determined to make a go of it this time. I called AA in desperation last night and ended up pouring half a bottle of Jack Daniels down the toilet. Going to be hard for me knowing that there’s not a drink coming at the end of the month or whatever but I’m just gonna take it a day at a time. I’ve done some research on AA since and have decided it’s not for me at this time. I’m not a spiritual person.
A lot of us have toyed with the idea of being a “normal” drinker. There is another thread on here that may have some of the discussion you are looking for. I really like @Oliverjava 's comment from this thread, and a few others talk about this subject as well.
As for being a non-spiritual person seeking addictive help, I fully understand. I have no interest in “spiritual recovery” as well, but I assume, with some research, there are plenty of books, groups, and even here where you can reach out in a secular way. Good luck!
Hi @Sickandtired and welcome. I can relate to a lot of what you said. Your story sounds very similar to mine. You’ve definitely found a great place to be.
As you said - take it one day at a time. You’ll soon find the days mounting up and the financial and health benefits that come with it.
Be prepared - your mind will likely try and talk you into ‘just a couple’ over the coming days. But stay strong and it will pass, and we’re all here if you’re struggling to ignore it.
Keep yourself busy and focused. And find some nice things to treat yourself to.
Happy sober day my friend 
@Sickandtired welcome. Whats interseting is you can finally reward yourself for sobriety. I am getting to the point where i finally dont need to have that drink whereas before i was convinced I was deprived and I didnt get to have a drink.
Just the same good luck and stay strong.
Welcome! I can relate a lot to your story. I too would, Reward my weeks of non drinking with returning to be a ‘normal’ drinker - but u need to ask yourself what is normal drinking ? Great post on here about that topic - i can’t drink alcohol cause there is nothing normal to me now about it. This group is great comfort - but also find ways to fill your evenings, read, create, achieve - you will be amazed the things u can achieve minus alcohol 
wishing you the best
Here’s some resources to check out to get you started. Sobriety is more than just abstaining from alcohol/drugs. Welcome @Sickandtired
Also, I highly recommend this book…it will explain a lot and answers your questions regarding alcoholism/addiction and sobriety
Thanks for the recc, I’m gonna check this out myself!
Thanks for the support and resources guys. I’m one day sober now and feeling better already. The benefit of doing dry January so recently is that the pros of sobriety are still fresh in my mind.
What do you guys feel about alcohol free beer? When I’ve done sober time before they helped immensely in the beginning but after a few weeks I just sort of tailed off from them cos they seemed kind of pointless.
They are pretty pointless. I still keep them around when I get a craving, but I don’t drink them too often. The other night I only finished half and poured the rest of it down the sink.
Couldn’t help thinking how I would have NEVER done that with actual beer. If they make you crave the real thing stay away from them.
Hi @Sickandtired and welcome. You’ll find many supportive people out here who have had many of the same thoughts you do. It’s crazy how the addicted mind works - you convinced yourself that you can’t be an alcoholic since you stayed sober one month and started drinking again - by that logic how can an alcoholic ever stay sober?! I also would advise never keeping any alcohol in the house, especially during early recovery.
As for AA, I’m not a spiritual person (maybe just in the Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos” sense) and in fact am an atheist, but I find my weekly AA meeting very productive, and the people are great. If possible give it a shot, especially if you live in an area where you cab try out different meetings.
Stay strong!
Finally had time to go through each response in detail. Thanks again for the warm welcome.
@wulf thanks for the link, sound advice
@zara thanks for the warm welcome, I already know I can beat the cravings thanks to dry january, so I just need to keep up that motivation
@sobersue it always surprises me how much more active, productive and creative I am when I’m sober. That’s what I missed the most after getting back on the sauce so I’m determined to stay away from it for now on.
@melrm thanks for the link and book tip. I’ll check that out.
@elisabeth there’s definitely not been much beer wasted in this house. Even if I was so drunk I couldn’t see straight I’d put half a can back in the fridge ready for the day after. Disgusting really now I look back on it. I think I’ll stock up on the booze-free beers again, just so I have some around in case I get a craving. They did seem to scratch the itch and felt like a treat at the end of the day.
@JohnSee It was logical to me at the time and I had convinced myself I could just have a couple of drinks at the weekend without going crazy. Anyway, it didn’t pan out like that.
I have a feeling the first month will come fairly easily to me because I’ve gone that long several times before but going past that milestone will be where the real challenge starts!