Coming up on three days without alcohol. Sleep and life are disrupted. Days 1 and 2 were good–extra energy, extra presence. But here at day 3, irritable, sad, depressed, feeling like old wounds have re-opened. Went to an online meeting but was too embarrassed by how I look on Zoom to click Join. I don’t want to drink but I don’t want to feel like this, either. Motivation to stop drinking was re-entry into my life of ex-boyfriend. Last time he re-entered, I self-harmed in a terrible way. This time, I thought, if I continue drinking, I’ll continue contact and I’ll be in that place again. I blocked numbers and email, but the feelings of low self-worth, pain, and hopelessness made their way in anyway. Does anyone who has been in a place like this have advice or words of support and guidance they can offer? Thank you.
Hi Liz,
Welcome… So welcome.
Stoked that you made that lifechanger of a decision on that toxic element.
Trust that decision going forward. So you can keep coming back to this shitty moment when you think about giving up. Make that willingness stick to your core. You can change all. Just not now… Patience is key in recovery. Accept you feel shit for a while. Old wounds you say, how bout the idea there not old, there still somewhat fresh you have been numbing the pain and haven’t been processing and healing.
So join a meeting without the cam on… That should be fine. Your so welcome at NA or AA alike I’m sure.
For me the NA program helped me to heal bit by bit.
Not in a day but day by day that’s the way just for today.
Thank you. That perspective about old wounds being open ones I’ve numbed is really helpful, and I will look for some non AV meetings. I was thinking that maybe I should add a sober counter for the ex as well—recovery for me might mean not just from drinking but from that relationship and too many like it. Doing my dishes now, then getting out for some sunlight. On the positive side—three days. Taking that for a small win. Also thank you for advice to take my decision to my core—it helps me recognize that however bad this moment is, I am not where I was the last time and I am taking the first baby steps to not be there again. I appreciate your sharing such good support with me.
I have never heard of the Fuckit Bucket, but I love the idea of it! The question of who I want to be is a huge one for me—always has been. But I’m having faith answers will get clearer without alcohol or ex. I have always yearned for a kind of grace in my life. So maybe will start with looking for ways to have and incorporate more of that. Thank you.
Addiction is a disease.
I was sober for 15 days then suddenly got relapsed.
Everything was good but now again I feel bad.
Smoking, alcohol, drugs is all about self harming.
We think it’s cool but we forget the fact that it’s not cool and good for our body.
I’m on day one again, because I can’t quit or give up.
This app is very useful, helpful, supportive, motivating.
I’m on day one
Join me in this fight.
Being sober is the natural state of a human being.
From my experience I can tell within 5-6 days you will feel good.
Best of luck.
Hey…welcome …your doing good. Keep pushing past the crappy feelings. It gets better. When I’m down I remember…feelings aren’t facts. You dont have to feel this way again.
Welcome to the forum all I can say is worry about yourself, do it for yourself, motivate yourself, and be glad you have not up to now gotten any bad symptoms. The online AA classes are not for me but they can be for you everyone is different. When I felt down and this lockdown in my house ( sucks I know) due to the virus, I would get in my car and drive around with music on just to relax. Just do it for you stay safe and sober hope everything works out for you.
Hi LizV I’ve been attending an online AA meeting that you just call in. No video necessary, you’ll be automatically muted so you just listen in. They hold meetings 2 times a day at 9am & 8pm PST. The number is 415-762-9988, it will ask you to enter the groups ID which is 231 622 5487.
I’ve found this group very helpful. There are people in there that have decades of sobriety and people with just a few days under their belt.
Hope this helps 
Thank you for sharing. I relate to the relapse. Have been trying on my own for a loooong while. Agree this is a good resource. I am glad to join you—best wishes!
This is great! Thank you for the numbers. I will give it a try. I’m fine with phone. Excited to call in!
Thank you. Driving with music sounds perfect. Will give that a go tomorrow. I’m still going to work—scary all by itself. But the isolation is so hard. Makes me grateful to you and others for reaching out.
Thanks. Not feeling this way is good motivation. Really appreciating the support here and feeling a little better already.
Oh I like those words!
@LizV I like that idea of using the counter for your ex.
I have a link for meetings some let you join just for audio
Day 3 will be over soon and one to the next.
I’m proud of you 3 days is hard.
Great job! I can relate- I am doing my step 4 inventory and its uncanny how much like an abusive boyfriend or friend tgis addiction is. I’m terrible at breaking up for good with people and behaviors. If I can help, please message me!! 
Happy you perceive my suggestions as helpfull.
That means alot to me as well. Always aim to get my words across clearly even though im no native english spreaker.
Hope you can soke in what you’ve established as your ground zero and make it stick!
Good luck!
Where you from, in the Netherlands we also have an Discord group for meetings which are audio only
I’m in New Mexico, US. It’s a coincidence you are from the Netherlands. A dream of mine has been to visit one day. I did find phone meetings–and I also found out that I can use Zoom with the video off. I attended a series of meetings on a 24/7 meeting website today. It was a little overwhelming. . . but, hey, made it through Day 5.
Keep going! I remember my first 72 hours were casual and then BOOM massive headaches, mood swings wilder than a buoy in the ocean during a hurricane. It was nuts! But you know what? I stayed the course. I switched my mental strength all the way up to 11 and kept telling myself I didn’t want to go back to the way things were before. I was ready to be free.
During my step work, I realized that I had to surrender. Surrender my will and life over to my higher power and let go of many things. Some I didn’t want to let go of. Yet here I am. Free of people and things that don’t enhance my life in a way that makes me happy.
Sobriety is beautiful. My vision looking out the window is full of color, full of LIFE and it’s the result of my determination to be better today than yesterday and encourages me to be better tomorrow than I am today. Progress rather than perfection!
You can this. We’re here rooting for you!
Thanks so much–I tried responding to you the other day, but responded to another post by mistake. I agree this app is very, very helpful, supportive and motivating. And thank you for your invite. I accept. I’m day five, seem to be starting the emotional roller-coaster, but hanging in. The support here is making a difference. So glad I found this place–and that you are here and shared.
5 days that’s great.
One advice for you.
Whatever happens just don’t pick up drug again.
Because after picking it’s like we will use again and again and again.
5 days is a big achievement.
Continue this.
Thank you. I’ve book marked this page and will reach out to folks here when that urge comes up again–have zero doubt it will.