Hard to put this into words but here goes…i keep doing this thing where i get paranoid that ive done or said something wrong if i dont see people for a while or i secong guess myself after ive spoken to someone if my words could have been taken the wrong way…i dont know if this is a life thing or recovery thing i dont know…does anyone else get this? Its not taking over my life or anything but definately a niggle id love to get rid of…
7 Likes
Hey Kelly! I occasionally get this…. More so in the first couple of years of sobriety, for me. I discovered, through here (the mental health thread I think) Dr Nicole LePera, The holistic phycologist. I follow her on Instagram and she talks about this and why we do it. I think it goes a lot deeper and further back than just sobriety. It made me think of my life growing up and the way it was at home. For me I focused on the paranoia (not obsessively, but just gave it space and time) I tried to stand back and look at it from a distance. Check her out, she really does know her stuff! 
hope it eases for you soon love
4 Likes
This is exactly what i was looking for someone to understand and pop me in a good direction to try and understand this and how to either overcome it or at least work with it, thank you so much Sarah il definately check out this Dr xx much love 
2 Likes
When I am feeling anxious, overwhelmed or life is chaotic, I ruminate a lot. You are not alone.
5 Likes
I am constantly worrying that people are going to change how they feel about me in the time I don’t see them or that I am going to say something wrong. I struggle verbalizing how I actually feel and sometimes I can’t even get a full thought across when I speak with someone without feeling so overwhelmed I lose train of thought. It’s so frustrating to talk with someone and when they walk away to have not gotten your point across. I also struggle with tone of voice and my facial expressions. I look upset or really sad a lot of the time and because non verbal communication is so important in conveying how you feel the combination makes talking with people a little difficult for me. Add the fact that I feel undeserving of friendship to begin with to all that. So I totally understand how you feel. It’s hard to be anxious about something that happens as often as just simple interaction with another person.
4 Likes
Theres a guy lives further down the road from me…he helped me loads the night i had my incident, stayed with me the whole time apparently hes lovely, he checked on me afterwards aswell then it was a few weeks recently id not seen him and then the paranoia started…had i done something wrong…had he heard something about me etc etc then when i did see him he was his lovely self so i was proved wrong but i cant understand why i put myself through this imaginary worry…its a bit crazy 
2 Likes
It’s madness how we can tie ourselves up in knots about something or someone and then when we come across it or them it’s nothing like we’d convinced ourselves it would be. I’m loads better than I used to be. I think everyone suffers from this to some extent. It’s just learning the tools to work through it that’s the trick I think. Taking a breath and telling ourselves that it’s not worth focusing on. Easier said than done 
…I’m just glad we have this place where we can voice it and share and help each other through
2 Likes
Gosh me too Sarah, i am worried sometimes if i shouldnt voice things on here that arent necessarily about sobriety though, i guess in a way this is because its me trying to work toward being less stressed to strengthen my sobriety. Its interesting what you said about most people doing this to some degree…i guess its back to the old adage that just because you think something it doesnt mske it true. What concerns me is the fact its always negative like i feel ‘in the wrong’ alot…i dont know if this is self doubt, self esteem issues maybe xx
1 Like
Thank you Ryan while i wish you didnt feel that way its comforting to know that others get this and understand, thanks so much 
1 Like
Yes!! This is just the place for this!! Sobriety is SOOOO much more than just not picking up that drink or drug or behaviour. This is the perfect place for us to come and ask these questions…IMO. Having read and followed the Dr that I mentioned I now realise that these feelings of not being worthy/ good enough or that we did or said something wrong stem from issues that we need to deal with. The same issues that are deep down causing us to drink/drug etc. what you describe is ,in my opinion, a very necessary thing to go through as part of being sober long term. If that’s makes sense this is exactly what you need to feel right now, go into it…… sit with it. Arm yourself with knowledge as to why we sometimes feel this way. I was a terrible people pleaser, shocking so. Totally forget myself for everyone else. It’s taken a few years of sitting with this and trying to go back to find out why I’m like this. For me, it was because my mother made me this way. It suited her for me to always be the one that pleased…. Right up until she died!! With watching The Holistic Phycologist and working on myself I have learned that I come first for me. Boundaries have made me stronger and I now don’t feel the need to drink to make myself comfortable in situations. This is part of your journey Kelly. You did one hundred percent right talking about it!! I think you’re awesome and there have been times when you have helped me very much on here, if I can help you ever, just reach out!
3 Likes
Oh Sarah that made me tearful, im super glad ive been able to help you and want to say thank you…ive gotta go do some errands but when i get back im going to reply further into what youve said, thank you so much xx
2 Likes
I do it with my adult daughter and conversations we have, in person or text. It is a really uncomfortable situation at times, especially now that she has moved nearby after so many years. I feel like I am often saying or doing the wrong thing and letting her down. Which I likely am.
2 Likes
I cant imagine that to be the case from what ive seen you have an absolute skill with words, are you ok Sassy?
1 Like
Its funny…since i hit my year sober ive been working on quite a few things in different areas of my life which i did intend to do but its like life keeps quite naturally putting things infront of me to learn and explore like the subject of this thread today…i think these things have been there all the time its just that i have a different attitude and perspective now which allows me to recognise and decipher what it all means rather ignoring it and reaching for the vodka bottle xx
1 Like
Yeah! It all becomes so much clearer now that we’re sober. I think you’re right. Sobriety equals a clearer mind which shows us to start work on the root causes, the reasons why! It is uncomfortable feeling feelings but being level enough to sit with them is definitely growth 
1 Like
I appreciate your belief in me, but I am just a human. Same flaws as anyone else.
2 Likes
Absolutely you are, sending hugs 
1 Like