An old friend from 20 years ago found me and wanted to catch up. He’s in recovery and so I decided to share part of my story with him. I thought it might fit in here; maybe it could help someone in here. Mods are welcome to take it down if it’s inappropriate… no big deal… here you go.
Yeah, man. “Every new day is another opportunity to kick ass at life.” That has been my mantra throughout the 3 years, 8 months, and 2 days that I’ve been sober. I hit rock bottom pretty fucking hard. I had a plan to flip my own off switch and everything. The only thing I lived for anymore was alcohol. Beer, wine, liquor, all of it, every day, all the time. After maxing out 3 credit cards, spending an $8000 personal loan, and blowing $14,000 in savings I was down to my last $200. I had spent it all on alcohol. Not even going out to party - just drinking at home. I was done, man. I called my mom to say goodbye and we talked for a while. I explained how I had tried everything. But she told me I should try an alcohol treatment center, like a rehab. I was so fucking naive that I thought rehabs were only for drug addicts and junkies, not alcoholics. Oh, no no no, actually the first rehabs were specifically designed for alcoholics. So I was like, fuck it, I’ll give it a shot. Nothing to lose. I had literally just had a shotgun in my mouth one moment and the next I was having a friend drop me off at a “recovery center”.
Anyway… I spent 37 days in there and that experience changed my life. I learned how to manage my sobriety and how to live and function without alcohol. It was a life or death thing for me. It was either that or blow my fucking brains out.
So… my point is… after being down that road and looking Death in its eyeballs and the unforgiving relentless feelings of absolute hopelessness and emptiness, I don’t really have bad days anymore. Compared to that shit? Where I’ve been? Yeah, there are no bad days anymore. I have some days that could have been better. But no bad days.
And there is a huge relief in that. In knowing that no matter what happens, as long as I stay sober, nothing will ever be that bad ever again. No matter what happens, I’ll be able to handle it, as long as I stay sober.
This is the first time in my life I have felt completely relieved, like just riding the wave, everything is groovy. People are stupid and they still piss me off and stuff but at least now I don’t have to drink over it.
amazing story of triumph!