Thank you. I am doing it for my girls and husband. He keeps telling me it won’t work long term if I’m not doing it for myself, but that’s what I got. They are my life. I have noticed since I quit that I’m not as tired anymore. So there’s that. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I need it.
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Thank you. It’s nice to hear that I matter. A lot of the time, I don’t feel like I do. I know I do to my family, but just not in my heart I guess.
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Thanks. I am seeing a therapist to work through some things, and that is helping. I just feel alone in this fight.
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You do matter. You matter a lot to your kids and husband. And now you matter to us too, since you’ve been welcomed here.
When we dropped my child off at rehab for the 3 time because my child was a heroin addict my kid said. I’M ONLY DOING THIS FOR YOU. I’m not doing this for me! We got at least ten years clean now. We don’t even count anymore.
I’m just saying whatever it takes, for just today, to not drink is the key. IMO.
We all feel different and better 1 month 3 months 6 months a year down the road. Who know why you’ll still be sober then.
Finding an AA meeting in person or online now could be very beneficial too. I hear if you log in to a zoom meeting you can just listen and no one knows your there. Listen to some stories. You don’t have to be alone in this.
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Thanks so much. I’ll look into the online meetings.
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Apologies I moved this conversation to a new thread and missed this post, so the conversation is a bit out of sync.
I relate cuz I felt sex was better
At some point you “learned” - from something in your environment & a pattern of thinking you picked up - that you “weren’t worth it”. Something conditioned you to develop that core belief.
Addiction is an “escape” from that. In addiction, we numb ourselves, and when we’re numb, we don’t feel - and we don’t feel unworthy (because we don’t feel anything at all).
It’s a lie, but when we are still nursing our pain, it’s a lie we invite into ourselves.
Living and loving, caring for your full self, for all the truth and beauty she is - that is your project now. It is a new project and will fee unfamiliar. But it is a necessary project - and it is one you deserve.
You’re a good person and you deserve to know your full, worthy, sober self. She is interesting and is a unique, valuable thread in life. Your sober self is precious and she needs to breathe - and when you get to know her, you won’t be able to imagine life without her.
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It scares me too… I understand that feeling completely… but you got this! 
I’m so proud of you for making it 10 days. Xx
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That’s just it. I’m afraid I’m not. My husband always tells me if I could just see myself through others’ eyes I’d see it. He says people want to be me. I have everything I’ve ever needed. Just don’t know who I am.
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I know.
That’s ok. It’s ok to not know who you are.
It’s ok to be unsure. I am frequently unsure. (Often on a daily basis! Usually in the late afternoon when I’m starting to get tired and the eagerness of the morning has faded.)
It’s ok to not know things. I’d be more worried about you if you were sure you had it figured out! Someone much wiser than me once said that ignorance is the first step to finding knowledge. If you’re feeling unsure, that means you’re learning - and that means you’re human - and that means you’re really living now.
I know it feels uncomfortable - or at least I imagine it does (feel free to correct me if I’m misidentifying it 
). In this case, it’s a healthy discomfort. It’s a discomfort from trying a new way to think of things
Do you like children’s books? I love children’s books. They have so much wisdom. These are some good ones (I haven’t read them all but there’s some really brilliant ones on this list) about exploring your identity and your path in life:
Take care & never give up. One day at a time
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I never thought to read kids books. I used to love the Berenstein Bears books. I have two little girls reading age now…maybe I should start reading to them. Thanks for the idea! You’ve been a huge encouragement.
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I can relate. During my last 11 months of drinking, I was dealing with the aftermath of my mother’s passing. I checked out emotionally from my marriage, and drank almost every night. It really took its toll, since my wife had to be “the responsible parent”, inspite of her working full-time. I deluded myself by thinking as long as I was working, I “deserved” to drink, so as not to deal with grief.
I’m glad I quit when I did, because she was at the end of her rope. Had I kept drinking, she’d have likely asked me to leave. I’d have gotten mad and felt abandoned and likely drank even more, and with my mental state the way it was, had likely given her a divorce “just to show her what’s what”.
Deep down though, I wanted to quit. I’m glad I did, because every single day has been a good day, even the bad days. Why? Because I started and ended them sober. I took what the day had to give, and gave better than I got.
I’ve been getting better at getting better for 1203 days…and I’m never going back.
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I had this same mindset. It was my mommy time to wind down. I also thought nothing bad could happen after my daughter was sleeping. Boy was I wrong. My daughter fell out of bed and I was too shit faced to deal with it when it happened. I finally took her to the emergency room the next day and found out her arm was broke in 2 places. I felt like the worst mom ever. What mom waits hours to get their child medical care? An alcoholic mom, that’s who. I’ve forgiven myself for that bad mom moment but I’ll be damned if I let that happen again.
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I’m thankful it never got that far to happen to me, but it very easily could have. It’s scary for sure. Hubby says he can’t tell me how many times I was blacked out and my oldest was crying for me in bed because she was scared.
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I’ll turn 55 next month, and I’m still figuring out who I am. Sure, I can ascribe labels to myself, like husband, father, veteran, sales professional, martial artist, disciple…but these are just parts of the whole. These are resume items.
One label I’ve thrown off is “drunk”. I don’t want this to be part of who I am.
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I think if you look at it more deeply you will realise it is for yourself as well as your children and husband. It NEEDS to be for yourself as well.
Even just thinking for a second:
No hungover days
Not being chained to a bottle by the addictive voice
Chance of having a stroke reduced
Chance of cancer reduced.
Etc
Etc
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PS: blacking out, and winding down are not the same thing.
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Hey man, whatever would help me sleep, I was all for! It started as “wind down”. I don’t even remember the fights my husband says we had. I remember drinking, watching my show, and then going to bed. That’s it.
I appreciate and love your honesty 
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