I have to admit… I have no desire to quit. But my husband said if I didn’t, one of us would end up dead or seeing our children every other weekend. So now I am on day 10. I miss it. Just having that wine after the kids went to bed was my time to wind down. I’d turn on “Mom” and drink an entire bottle of wine. I could never remember if I made love to my husband or not. I just thought it was all okay because I “didn’t drink in front of the kids”. I didn’t day drink. But I wasn’t there for my husband either. He felt completely abandoned and I can understand why.
Thinking about lifelong sobriety scares me honestly. I just want to forget. I had a very traumatic past and this runs in my family. My birth mother told me that my grandma would keep a jug of vodka under the sink. She was ALWAYS at the sink doing dishes or cooking. So here I am. I might last, I might not. Idk yet. I just don’t want to lose my family. They’re all I’ve got.
Hi @Sunshyne ! Congrats on 10 days!
I know that the idea of not drinking ever again can be really scary. That’s why we live “one day at a time”. If your goal is to stay sober till the end of the night, that is an achievable goal and gives you success every day. Don’t think about tomorrow or next week - just stay sober today.
Read around here - there’s a lot of useful information on the forum. You can check in daily in the Checking in… thread to hold yourself accountable. And reach out every time you need. we are here for you.
Booze doesn’t erase the past, it conserves it while makes you more and more powerless and weak. With booze you’re just feeding your demons.
Thanks. I just don’t know how to do this. I mean do I get a sponsor? What is a sponsor? I’m Christian. Should I go to Celebrate Recovery or AA? IDK. It’s just all this crap in my head floating around. Thanks for responding.
Welcome Sunshyne
Congratulations on 10 days!
Stop drinking for your kids. They’re worth it.
Stop drinking for your husband. He’s worth.
People will say that we have to stop drinking for ourselves. But in the beginning it doesn’t really matter who you stop for. Just for today. Don’t drink for your family.
When I first quit the only thread I used here was the gratitude thread. I was so grateful I could be sober for my family. I was grateful I still have my family. I was grateful for so much more when I wasn’t drinking.
Fuck life long sobriety! I bet there isn’t one of us on here that isn’t scared to shit about that. That’s why we do it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time if you got to. Just for today. Just for right now.
Forever scares the shit out of me so much I’ve changed my one day at a time to.
“I’m not drinking today. And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.”
Sounds to me like you got a lot to be grateful for if you are sober.
Try a nice long hot shower after the kids are in bed. I mean really really long hot hot shower for 20 - 30 minutes. That what I use to do around 5 pm cocktail hour. Still do sometimes. It feels great.
Keep reading around here. Lots a great support. You’re worth it.
I hope to see you around.
Sorry I get so long winded sometimes.
To be honest I don’t know anything about these groups or approaches and I’m not religious. But feel free to open a thread with specific questions, I’m sure you will receive a lot of information and experience. As for me this forum is my one and only support in sobriety.
I tried to forget for about 40 years by smoking dope and drinking alcohol. It didn’t work and in the end all I wanted to do was kill myself. I choose sobriety instead and although I find life still not easy at all, now I do work on becoming a better me by actually trying to process what happened instead of trying to forget about it. And making progress too. Becoming happier. Slowly but surely. All success on your road Sunshyne. It’s yours to go.
Thank you. I am doing it for my girls and husband. He keeps telling me it won’t work long term if I’m not doing it for myself, but that’s what I got. They are my life. I have noticed since I quit that I’m not as tired anymore. So there’s that. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I need it.
You do matter. You matter a lot to your kids and husband. And now you matter to us too, since you’ve been welcomed here.
When we dropped my child off at rehab for the 3 time because my child was a heroin addict my kid said. I’M ONLY DOING THIS FOR YOU. I’m not doing this for me! We got at least ten years clean now. We don’t even count anymore.
I’m just saying whatever it takes, for just today, to not drink is the key. IMO.
We all feel different and better 1 month 3 months 6 months a year down the road. Who know why you’ll still be sober then.
Finding an AA meeting in person or online now could be very beneficial too. I hear if you log in to a zoom meeting you can just listen and no one knows your there. Listen to some stories. You don’t have to be alone in this.
At some point you “learned” - from something in your environment & a pattern of thinking you picked up - that you “weren’t worth it”. Something conditioned you to develop that core belief.
Addiction is an “escape” from that. In addiction, we numb ourselves, and when we’re numb, we don’t feel - and we don’t feel unworthy (because we don’t feel anything at all).
It’s a lie, but when we are still nursing our pain, it’s a lie we invite into ourselves.
Living and loving, caring for your full self, for all the truth and beauty she is - that is your project now. It is a new project and will fee unfamiliar. But it is a necessary project - and it is one you deserve.
You’re a good person and you deserve to know your full, worthy, sober self. She is interesting and is a unique, valuable thread in life. Your sober self is precious and she needs to breathe - and when you get to know her, you won’t be able to imagine life without her.
That’s just it. I’m afraid I’m not. My husband always tells me if I could just see myself through others’ eyes I’d see it. He says people want to be me. I have everything I’ve ever needed. Just don’t know who I am.
It’s ok to be unsure. I am frequently unsure. (Often on a daily basis! Usually in the late afternoon when I’m starting to get tired and the eagerness of the morning has faded.)
It’s ok to not know things. I’d be more worried about you if you were sure you had it figured out! Someone much wiser than me once said that ignorance is the first step to finding knowledge. If you’re feeling unsure, that means you’re learning - and that means you’re human - and that means you’re really living now.
I know it feels uncomfortable - or at least I imagine it does (feel free to correct me if I’m misidentifying it ). In this case, it’s a healthy discomfort. It’s a discomfort from trying a new way to think of things
Do you like children’s books? I love children’s books. They have so much wisdom. These are some good ones (I haven’t read them all but there’s some really brilliant ones on this list) about exploring your identity and your path in life:
I never thought to read kids books. I used to love the Berenstein Bears books. I have two little girls reading age now…maybe I should start reading to them. Thanks for the idea! You’ve been a huge encouragement.
Just for right now.
I’m so proud of you for making it 10 days. Xx