I also have bad FOMO and I also equated drinking = fun and so if I’m not drinking I’m not having fun and if I’m not having fun then I’m boring and if I’m boring then I’m worthless.
But that is what the addiction is telling me, that’s not real life because the day after a binge isn’t fun. Wasting the whole day being sick isn’t fun.The shame isn’t fun. Apologizing to people I love for my bad decisions isn’t fun. Not remembering what happened the night before isn’t fun. Having no money cause I spend it all at the bar isn’t fun. My body failing isn’t fun.
I realized I’m chasing something internal, and no amount of alcohol is going to fix what’s hurting me on the inside. I grew up in chaos and so chaos feels like home, but deep down all I really want is peace. It’s very difficult to go against that really loud voice in my head, but I am trying to see that voice as just a part of me and not the captain of the ship. It’s a work in progress, good luck to you
Once you remove yourself from those environments long term your definition of fun will change. Then you will know peace and contentment that you would not want to disrupt with alcohol. You’ve got this, you can make the nessecary changes
Ah fun!! What is fun? Getting blotto and puking in a restaurant? Blackout drunk waking up wrapped around a tree? Or maybe wondering what exactly we said that obviously pissed off our friend or family member. The list is endless of the ‘fun’ we used to have, eh?
Seriously, there is a lot in life that is way more fun than waking up yet again with dread, regret, anxiety, questions and a hangover. That is definitely not my idea of fun.
Once we stop romanticizing bar hopping, partying til dawn high on xyz and realize the party was over long ago yet we refused to leave, well then we can truly start exploring how to have fun without substances and the regret and pain they bring with them.
Relating to people honestly is fun.
Sled riding or tubing or skiing or boarding or snowshoeing is wicked fun.
Playing sick card games with friends is fun.
Running is fun if you like running.
Bicycling or mountain biking…fun!
Rock climbing…scary and fun!
Drawing.
Exploring our neighborhood or town can be fun. Learn a little history.
Some folks find cooking, baking, making healthy smoothies to be fun…and relaxing and you get to eat after!
Walking in nature and observing…fun and good for all parts of our being.
Puzzles…fun and challenging.
Learning to …play guitar, make jewelry, speak a new language, knit, make soap, make music, yoga, x y z…all can be fun!
What interests you? There are zillions of new experiences just waiting for you. Yes, it is all awkward and weird as we begin the journey of learning to live without the false veil of alcohol. There is so freakin much more to life than sitting around getting shit faced or high.
Once we begin to reframe our lives as an exploration of the gifts of sobriety, we start to heal.
I understand completely. I need to make a lot of changes to stop drinking. I had to change nail shops because one I went to I associated with drinking wine while I was there. Every time I go to a nice restaurant I need to get used to not getting an alcoholic drink. I drink a lot but I don’t overdo it a lot, but when I do it takes me several months to get over created situation. That’s why I said if I don’t drink then there’s never a possibility to overdo it. There’s never a possibility to say one more is okay until it isn’t. I say if you need to cut out going certain places then definitely do it. I’ve lived an unhealthy life for a long time. My ex husband and I had to be drunk to enjoy each other, then we would have horrible fights. I’ve been divorced for about three years now and still pining over the same kinds of men. Being afraid that men that don’t like to party are boring. But this year is going to be different. I am going to let a nice respectful man find me and I am going to love and appreciate him.
Aw, thanks! I’m just grateful to be able to share my experience with hope that it resonates with and helps others. I owe this community so much, for it is what has helped me to learn and enjoy life sober. There are SO many wise, kind and supportive people on here - follow their advice and you’ll find that you’ll be living your best life - your sober life! Alcohol ruins the good stuff for us, so we can leave it behind and learn to love and enjoy life without it wish you all the best @Cherry_Kisses . My IG page is learning_growing_becoming feel free to follow! I use it as another tool in my recovery. A good hobby and a place to write all the life lessons I’m acquiring
It’s this that tripped me up every time. Yeah, recovery is good, but I always felt that I was still making a sacrifice by giving up my DOC. I felt deprived. Moping around asking myself why can’t I use sometimes?
It’s true that using comes with a cost. But I felt the risk to be worth it because I still had this incredible, amazing amount of fun and pleasure the moment I used. Or did I? I never questioned it before. Because in my bubble, I really felt I was feeling the best pleasure in the world.
But from the outside looking in my bubble, it was made clear to me that the only pleasure, the only fun I received was the fun of relieving the cravings and withdrawal pangs that were caused by my addiction to begin with. I was being duped. I fell for a lie, an illusion. This isn’t fun!!!?? Not even for a minute! What a miserable existence.
My addiction creates no pleasure. It only gives me the illusion of pleasure. Then follows with withdrawal, misery, obsession, craving for more, irritability, moodiness, stress, anxiety. My addiction doesn’t fill a void. It creates one.
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the party was over long ago yet we refused to leave. Hilariously funny and also sad but true! I’m gonna use this saying from now on to describe my drinking career.Why couldn’t l have just stopped when the lights were dimmed and the music died like normal people?
It’s amazing how simple it really is, isn’t it! I was also a binge drinker and now 3+ years later I can’t believe it took me sooo long to wake up to that simple fact.
Something that really helped me get into sobriety was to hold onto that horrible morning after feeling. Like I could literally feel the anxiety, shame, regret etc that was associated with one of those nights. That is what happens when I drink.
To start with it was so scary, the thought of a life without alcohol. But as I learned from so many friends here, all we have to do is take it one day at a time. I never went to AA and I never considered myself an alcoholic, but so many of the principles shared here by friends that do struck with me. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. One drink was never enough. Regardless of what label I put on it, my drinking was a problem and sobriety is a solution!
When I stopped drinking I got into my health and fitness a bit more. Lots of walking and yoga. I was meditating and learning about spirituality, for me not in a religious way, but learning to better understand myself and how I connect with the world around me. I met friends for lunch, went to museums, galleries etc. I went out socially a lot less but learned who my real friends are enjoyed their company much more. And remembered it all!
I also came up against some mental health challenges which I believe were there for a long time, being ignored while I attempted to self medicate with drinking. I let a lot of things go and let myself just be. I learned how to be with myself and my own thoughts, to accept myself for who I am.
It’s been a journey full of ups and some pretty big downs. Feeling the feelings is hard when you’re used to drinking them away! But I know that is the nature of life, things are always changing. Being sober gives me the best chance of seeing things for what they are and responding to them in the way that feels best for me.
Probably some combination of these! It was for me anyway. As you have seen already there is so much support available here, I hope it’s as helpful to you as it is has been to me
Amazing response. Thanks.
I am also into fitness being ex military… I am.big into the gym and just started hiking again just recently. I have found if I focus on this “the things I really enjoy” then I will rid of the fake fun created by alcohol. Its going to be difficult I know because as you say I’m going to have to close down avenues I’m used to ,But the healthy road of being sobar will out weigh these I’m sure.
Thanks again.
Yea that’s it, we build associations so it seems like fun = alcohol when really that’s not at all true!
I am not sure when exactly it happened, but now I can go out every now and then, partying with friends who are getting on it and it doesn’t phase me. I love loud, bassy music and big crowds and I can enjoy that. When I first stopped drinking I couldn’t imagine ever doing that sober. But now I can’t imagine why I would ever waste a good night out getting wasted!
It takes time but things change… Who knows what we will enjoy in the future. Best to just focus on what you want to do now and make it happen. The rest will fall into place when it’s ready.
I can relate to so much of what you’ve said here @siand (as always, when I read your writings). This☝️ quote especially rings true in this present moment! I’m still learning this. It’s a difficult journey, but one I think I’ve recently made good headway with. For New Years, whilst on holidays from work, I decided to take a road trip… alone. While I don’t mind being alone at times - I yearn for alone time to attain a sense of peace & balance - I do find it hard to be by myself for longer periods of time. I start to get stuck in my head; my thoughts often become dark and cloudy. However, on this trip (it’s end of Day 3 of a 4-day trip) I’ve found some peace ! It’s great, I’m feeling acceptance of myself and am relinquishing those hurtful thoughts. They’ve still popped into my head here and there, but I’m finding it easier to let them go. As I learn to be kind and supportive of myself it’s getting easier to be with myself. Anyway, just wanted to share that. Thank you
The journey is tough. But anything gained easy ain’t worth having right. Alcohol is the easy way out. Sobriety is the tough way yet much more rewarding. Rewarding in a sense of reality of actual living. I mean being steaming is just a false sense of security leading to a falling in mental health the next day.
I’ve also found, I have deleted social media. Fb and Instagram. I see people on here all the time having great times being out with friends and partying etc. This make me vulnerable in the belief that I need to be doing the same. But in actual fact we are only seeing the great side to it all. What we are not seeing is the falling out with ppl when intoxicated the fights, the hang overs, the depression and anxiety.
See I believe that by not seeing these moments of fake happiness makes it easier for me to do me. Not be a sheep and follow the “trend” or as said before the easy way out to just crack a can open.
It’s much more satisfying waking up feeling fresh and knowing that today is going to be a great day other than sitting there depressed and anxious about the antics of the night before.
Stay strong ppl we are all our own gods and in control of our own futures. Let’s not let this toxic poison get in the way.
Fun without alcohol:
Fun to me is waking up without shame, anxiety and regret. Fun is going to bed at a reasonable hour and having a happy home. Fun is remembering what I’ve done and what I’ve said
Fun with alcohol involved
Fun isn’t knocking a random guy out for no reason
Fun isn’t waking up in a police cell
Fun isn’t not remembering what I’ve done
Fun isn’t spending vast amounts of money of alcohol and drugs
Fun isn’t trying to seduce married women in front of their husbands
I completely agree… its all an illusion our brains create in order to justify getting on it.
To break that illusion is the key, creating different pathways to which our brain is used too.
Repetition of saying no and for good reason, because as you say we ain’t living our best life whilst intoxicated. Just led to believe it for those few hours. Then it all comes crashing down again.
Life is living intoxication free.
Fun? It stopped being fun a long time ago for me. I too have no off switch. Life gets better without alcohol if that’s what you seek. I hate to say this but if your still having fun maybe you have some more research to do. I also know a lot of people on this app will tell you how dark it got for them, myself included and may save you some pain. I wish you the best on your journey.
I think your misunderstanding what I was trying to explain, or maybe I hadn’t explained enough but what I mean by fun is not the drinking itself. But the activities for instance going out with friends and socialising, evening meals turning into a big piss up etc… what I was trying to say was I find it difficult to participate in these atm because I fear the fact of drinking… I am not the worse of drinkers by far not every drink turns bad but I have enough experiences and bad experience to make me realise its not for me and that I want change.
I was simply asking how other people managed to get past this stage. I kind of figure the right way is to stay away from any area that I may believe will trigger me to drink. For now at least… I want to be able to do the going out and not drink for sure. But for now it’s one step at a time.
I know it’s to early for me to even entertain that idea yet. That being said I know that one day I will be strong enough to do so. I guess this just all takes time right?!
Thanks
wish you all the best 
Hilariously funny and also sad but true! I’m gonna use this saying from now on to describe my drinking career.Why couldn’t l have just stopped when the lights were dimmed and the music died like normal people?
it’s getting easier to be with myself. Anyway, just wanted to share that. Thank you