Hi @FighterForever100. Thanks for sharing.
This is really hard. I’ve been there. So full of hope and then it all goes down the drain in one moment of unclarity.
Relapse, to me, is a sign that I have to make some adjustments to my program. And it’s taken a while to find out what I really need. It’s hard because everyone has to find their own way. What works for some may not work for others.
But I have to agree with everything that’s been said by @rmgrimmer, @Mtrav0040, and @VSue. Wow! You guys rock! Hit the head right on the nail.
Step1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction; that our lives had become unmanageable.
My addiction is cunning, baffling, powerful. And I cannot leave it behind without help. I am weak. I need help.
I would not be able to stay sober in your situation. Not a chance. So my thoughts.
Set some boundaries in your life.
You shared that the computer and smart phone are points of contention for you and that you were able to achieve a year of sobriety without them. Find a way to make your home safe. Where there is a will, there is a way. And if I can set good boundaries, so can you. Getting these blocks in place has been a major undertaking in my life. And the process is still ongoing. Always looking for ways to make my castle safe. Many members here shared the value of making a complete environmental change; switching jobs, moving to a new place, making better friends. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from yourself. And I would recommend you try a different app blocker next time. Stay Focused worked for me for about 3 weeks until I accidentally discovered a way to cheat the locks, totally useless to me.
If there is an SLAA meeting nearby, join it. Trust me, you’ll fit right in.
Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. You’ll make some adjustments in your life, and you’ll get better at this. Keep coming back.
We’re rooting for you!