Today is kicking my butt. I feel useless and slow and dumb without adderall. I feel like I can’t do my job as good, I’m tired and can’t move as fast as I used to. I can barely lift things that i used to be able to carry around easily. I knew it was enhancing my job performance, I just hope that sober me is good enough, that my supervisor doesn’t notice and talk to me about how much slower I am now. He obviously doesn’t know about me getting sober, I don’t want to open that can of worms at all, but not really sure what to do. I’m trying to pace myself, not exhaust myself or push myself too hard, but its hard to balance that need for the need to perform quickly and efficiently at my job…
Yesterday was exhausting, today is even worse so far and I’m not even halfway through my shift. Trying to cut back on caffeine too because I’m worried about my heath and consuming a steady 2-3 energy drinks every day for years can’t be good for me. Maybe I am biting off more than I can chew in trying to cut way back on everything all at once, but I dont want to be dependent on caffeine either if that makes sense.
On the other hand, mentally and emotionally I feel more stable and have a clearer thought process in general. I’m much less anxious and manic, a lot calmer and less impulsive, so I guess there’s that. Here’s to day 12!
