Im back after another relapse. Thing is , im stopping drinking mainly because i was told id damaged my kidneys and am in danger of serious problems, i dont want to drink, i hate it, yet its my goto way to deal with my demons, of course it causes more troubles than it helps with, but my point is i cant take any joy in my sobriety as im now open to a life with no way to escape my demons.
Im at the start of the journey (again) so maybe im just feeling angry at myself/life/the universe and everything- i just wish i could embrace sobriety like others do, all i feel is fear of life with no escape.
Welcome back and I’m sorry you feel so down. Maybe the following quote will be helpful? Maybe read this book, even.
“I urge you to find a way to immerse yourself fully in the life that you’ve been given. To stop running from whatever you’re trying to escape, and instead to stop, and turn, and face whatever it is. Then I dare you to walk toward it. In this way, the world may reveal itself to you as something magical and awe-inspiring that does not require escape. Instead, the world may become something worth paying attention to.”
― Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence
Thanks. Appreciated… just feeling really depressed rn and cant see a way to cope , but its early in my attempt to recover (again- sigh) so I’ll try and wait it out.
I get it. The first several times I quit were because my drinking was causing me heart issues (a-fib). If it hadn’t been for that , there’s a very good chance I’d still be drinking! Despite overdoing it on a regular basis, having meltdown shitty arguments with spouse, and feeling deeper and deeper depressions. Eventually, I finally realized I needed to rethink my relationship with alcohol, and how it was affecting my health. It did help me escape my problems , but that was always only temporary . Two steps forward, one step back, for a long while, until I stacked up a couple months of freedom and finally felt ready to face those challenges. Not saying I’m any better at coping with them, but I am doing it sober, at least not adding to my pain that way anymore! Stay active here, or in real life,with a community of people who can relate to what you’re going through. We got your back, friend!
I’m in the same boat. I haven’t been successful so far, I keep resetting the app every other day now. Maybe our problem is that we don’t have another outlet for our suffering, for lack of a better word. Maybe find something else that you can run to? An activity? Sports? You can try learning a new language, a new skill? An instrument. Painting. Something, anything, that’s soothing and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
Facing a tough battle is challenging, but acknowledging the need for change is the crucial first step. Sobriety may feel overwhelming, but remember, you’re not alone. With time and effort, you can build a better life without alcohol. Take it step by step, and remember to be kind to yourself. I’ve personally found reading and journaling to be helpful tools on my journey, too.
It is hard to quit when your main reason is separate to yourself, and a part of you actually wants to continue. I wanted to quit ‘for my kids’ (a damn fine reason) but couldn’t. I had to quit because all of me wanted to. Look at all the ways alcohol is holding you back and quit for you.
Thanks for the reply , im too early in my nth attempt to stop killing myself with gallons of vodka to take on any diversionary things just yet , concentrated on not losing my mind , but appreciate the repl.
