I’ve been back and forth for years about if I have a problem with alcohol or not. I’ve never blacked out, lost a job, hit a real bottom. I have totally embarrassed myself, felt like crap a lot of days, called in sick to work for hangovers, and have never mastered the art of only having one. I have three no matter what everyone else is doing. I drink every day. I’m two days without today.
I’m finding myself projecting future dates - our cruise in the summer, a wedding in march, an anniversary dinner in February- and talking to myself about how there’s no way I’ll be able to resist drinking at those events. Which then makes me either give myself "permission " to drink on certain dates OR tempts me to scrape the idea of sobriety altogether and try to tell myself that I don’t have a problem.
Any thoughts/advice/kick in the pants about this? I’m afraid I’m going to give up on this early and just drink “a little”…which is never a little…
‘I have totally embarrassed myself
felt like crap a lot of days
called in sick to work for hangovers
never mastered the art of only having one.
I drink every day’
-Just your words. If your friend said this to you what would you say?
‘our cruise in the summer
a wedding in march
anniversary dinner in February’
-You only get today. If you’re thinking about it…it’s like my husband when he sniffs clothes…he suspects something. He knows they may smell wrong.
‘There’s no way I’ll be able to resist drinking at those events’
-This is a strong statement…and suggest alcohol has something you intuitively need to resist
Don’t put on the smelly trackpants.
Reread your first paragraph as to why.
One day at a time with a clear sober head is how you do it. Then you decide what you want more.
YAS sobersteph! That is exactly the kick in the pants I need. I know deep down that I have a problem, I know it’s not healthy…it’s just so tempting to act like it’s under control because I’m (mostly) maintaining.
Thank you
This is exactly me. I am working on day 2 of my sobriety and I feel like your post came right out of my head. I have two important events for work Thursday and Friday. There will be alcohol at both and I am trying to walk myself through the scenarios to prepare myself to say no or resist the temptation to drink.
The kicker is that you said ‘I drink every day’
I drank every day. Why do you think you did?
I drank a fifth of whiskey in a week. I used 60 dollars worth of weed to cover the hangovers over 2 weeks. Rock bottom doesn’t have to be all sexy and messy. It’s unique for everyone.
There’s a stoner out there who’d laugh at my puny consumption. There’s someone out there on heroin, a person who has to seek out their drug of choice. Booze is EVERYWHERE. It’s easy. It’s fun. It’s accepted. It’s lethal because it’s insidious.
It wouldn’t matter if I drank a thimble full. I drank to forget. I drank to bury. Those things are still in my life, but as I sober up, I see now that doing this every day is damaging. Clear your head and see.
Make your life sexy and messy in the right way for that person you are going to the anniversary and cruise with. Embrace that. Wear that on your heart when you try and drink. That would be so great.
One day at a time.
What is your plan? I need it too!
I have a do on Thursday. There will be booze everywhere. Then, if I drink, I’ll smoke up and then what? Happy for a minute then still dealing with the hurt and hangover the next. Usually I’d just use again the next day!
The weekend is going to be tough.
I think I’ll just lie and say I’m on medication. Easy peasy…and trust me, nobody will care because they have a drink in hand. I’ll have one too…just not the wobbly stuff.
I have been kinda role playing it all out in my head. I am deciding now how I am going to respond when offered a drink.
Just because someone offers it, doesn’t mean I have to take it. I’m not going to give myself an excuse to drink.
I know the venue so I will steer clear of where the drinks are served.
I am bringing my amethyst stone to rub, while reminding myself why I don’t want to drink.
Other than those I am really just winging it.
This may help it may not. Monday curry night and I didn’t drink. Last night kids party at school. All staff on it except me. Just had lunch party. I’m on the coke. They are now heading to the pub… I just checked my bank account and got massive shock. I spend 1500 pounds a month 3000 dollars on this drug. So… day five done in few hours. I’m resolute. My boss just said you’re not off it again are you? The world is obsessed with booze. All morning they’ve been gagging to go to the pub. It’s not been easy but I will go but I’m not breaking 5 days for anybody. Stay strong. It can only get easier
That does help, and I totally sympathize. I don’t know why it should matter to others if we drink or not, but it feels like the pressure is there. Funny to be 40 and dealing with peer pressure!
Nicely said! I feel you for those events! Thats always the hardest! I have no idea how to be in the moment and have a good time without being under the influence of something… ugh… thank you for this. hit home.
I just drove past the pub that I left hours ago. Still there and so loud and just a mass of jaeger bombs and pint glasses. Jumped in car and headed home. It wasn’t easy but the moment passed and already I’m so glad I didn’t indulge. And…I received 17 bottles of wine from kids at school. We should be proud we’re strong enough to say no I’m not doing this in a world where this drug is so widespread and the dangers so real but so ignored
I left the classroom a few years ago for admin, but I remember always getting to a of wine for holiday gifts. Just the “har, har, my kid is the reason you drink” joke. And I admit to giving my kids teachers booze on more than one occasion…and never stopping before to think if it would be welcome.
I get it. But what’ve read is if you are thinking about it in advance (events coming up) you are in a bad relation with alcohol and have a problem. One day at a time is truly the way to go. I am hopeful that approach will win out and by the time your “plans” come about you will be strong enough. Knowledge is key :: read all you can on this disease and it will help reinforce your will! Carry on and be strong !
You are so right. It’s just a bad relationship and I have to be honest that it’s alcoholism…the fact that I’ve been able to remain functional so far isn’t something that I can continue to hide behind.
Holy crap I do the same thing! "Well this event is coming up and there is no way I will be able to not drink because everyone else will be "
I wish there was a way I could get a drink that had no alcohol and I would have no idea. Like as if the bartender could read my mind. Ording an Odouls seems horrible. Lol
When I’m in bars, I typically order a sprite with grenadine and a twist of lime (is that a Shirley temple?) or a ginger ale with a lime, etc, even though beer was my poison and I was never really a liquor drinker, save for the occasional shot. I find the carbonation and flavor helps me to forget that I’m not actually drinking, and it appears to everyone else as if I’ve just ordered a cocktail. NA beers to me are missing that certain “something” that a real beer has, and all it does is make me long for a real one so I tend to try to steer away from that.
As far as looking forward to events, I DO THE SAME THING. What I’ve been working on is preparing ahead of time to always have something that I know will be tasty with me. Going to a party? I’m making a fun mocktail and bringing it with me. Cruise ship? See above drink suggestions for being at a bar. Plan plan plan. Do NOT show up without a plan or you’ll be drinking the real stuff before you know it! We can do this! It’s so worth it. 