Hi all. I appreciate all your feedback and advice in advance. So right now this time around I am 81 days drink free and 40 days nicotine free. I had a lot of stamina in the beginning and now I’m starting to fizzle out and drinking is creeping into my mind. I feel like I’m beyond the honeymoon phase of being sober and now sets in reality. Something like @Mno had mentioned before called “no man’s land” and @Dazercat mentioned something like “stage2” . I believe now starts the work part of my recovery I just don’t know where to start. I have been reading a lot and I’m starting to feel unmotivated to do more. I know the weather has been cold and snowy along with covid restrictions is putting a damper on my mood. I just can’t get anything to stick to change anything. I’ll do light exercise one day and not again for 2 weeks. I’m just not feeling my days and filling them with other positive habits. . My mind is starting to play tricks on me telling me I wasn’t that bad with drinking but when I play the tape forward the mornings certainly felt like death becomes her. I really just feel bored and unmotivated. I just want to eat and sleep. I feel nothing to look forward to.Thank you for listening and I appreciate all of your words
Thanks, Emily
And crying. For everything and nothing.
Hey there. I really relate to what you’ve posted, am glad you did. You’ve named what I’ve felt many times, and often before a decision to start drinking again. I had to start thinking about how drinking was filling a hole in my life, and what I was doing to build my life up after quitting. I always hesitate to give advice, I’m also new in recovery and not a clinician, but I can tell you what I’ve been doing to try and deal with that stuck and empty or unmotivated feeling (not putting words in your mouth, that’s how it felt in my experience). For me, the feelings you’ve described were tied to seasonal and situational depression, and I found a doctor who diagnosed me and we started discussing a treatment/recovery plan. That included medication, therapy, and working on addressing my physical health issues to feel better. But for the day to day stuff, I’ve been struggling like you to find a routine, honestly I’ve struggled with that for years. So just last weekend, actually, I decided to start my wellness journal up again for March and set measurable, attainable goals. Take my meds and vitamins every day, walk at least a mile 3-5 times a week, eat two full meals and a snack each day, three bottles of water, write in my wellness journal and check in on TS. That’s it. Super small and then I can build the rest of my day around that. So far this week, I know it’s only a few days, but I think this approach is working for me. I am also checking in with my therapist and working on some bigger life goals stuff because truth is I have no idea what the hell I’m doing in my life LOL! I’m sorry if I’ve rambled, but I just could hear myself in your words. I hope this gives you some ideas. Hang in there! 
And it’s okay to cry! I know what you mean about crying a lot, though. It gets frustrating, but you’re frustrated. Maybe think about naming what you’re feeling and write it out some more. Sending hugs, lady!!!
I walked while listening to podcasts for my first 3 months of sobriety. When I recognized that I needed something more to keep from falling back into old patterns of thinking, I signed up for martial arts classes.
Now, I’m not suggesting you rush down to your local dojo and sign up, but good on you if you do. What I am suggesting is you set a goal or challenge to aspire to, and get after it. Maybe it’s learning a new language, or pursuing a professional certification. Maybe it’s trying out for community theater, or a bowling league. Maybe it’s running a 10K. All that matters is it’s something that requires focus and discipline to achieve…kinda like sobriety.
We can wander into addiction, but we can’t wander out. It takes a plan, commitment, and discipline.
Thanks so much Rosa. You’re right I do think it’s tied to seasonal. Just hearing someone else say it gave me some clarity. I have always been a cold person I hate cold weather so I try to stay away from it. I keep my house so warm the kids are wearing shorts in the winter time and I keep it to a minimal of me going outside. I just moved a rocking chair to the sliding glass doors to get some Western Sun that will be my goal to sit in the Sun each afternoon see if I can get some solar power. Xoxo
Thanks. I love to run. Ran track for years. My mom said I could out run a deer! That fell to the wayside when I started smoking. Now that I don’t smoke maybe I’ll get a pair of running shoes!
My husband and son both do traditional shotokan. I’m at the dojo 4x a week
Oh Emily. I’m sorry to hear this. Being sober, especially early on, after like you said the honeymoon phase. Very well put by the way. It’s a fucking slog sometimes! 
. You are coming up on 90 days. And that’s a great milestone. Could be that milestone malady. It’s real. I’ve certainly had a few of them. Even when I know it’s coming.
Don’t know if this helps but working out IMO sucks! I can’t begin to tell you how often I just say fuck it to working out. And I’ll go for a walk. Power angry rapping music or whatever fast walk. Sometimes I’ve just sat a couple or few afternoons a let the shitty feeling come in and embrace them. Because as far as I was concerned not drinking was my job those days. And if I made it through the days without drinking then it was a success. Even if I did nothing else.
And I like to do a lot of guided meditations from my Breethe app. Short ones long ones. Once a day twice a day.
And this COVID business. It’s the worst! Your feelings are all legitimate. And it does suck. I’ve felt that way too. But I feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally. I haven’t felt that way for awhile. Not sure where you’re located. But with vaccines out there and more coming I feel there is a lot of hope to hang on to. We just got to stick out a bit longer.
Just for today don’t drink. We all know how that turns out when we play the tape forward.
So why not join in?
Thanks. You’re all right. Maybe it is the milestone. I see the light it’s just so far away. I’m east coast. Philly burbs. Next week in the 60s! Nice walking weather!!
Honestly his sensei scares me! Ahahaha
Never been to Pennsylvania. Just googled Philly. I never knew it was east coast. Guess my geography sucks. Being from Boston I always thought Boston and New York were east coast and everything else was either south or west 
. I bet it has similar stuff like Boston. Like cold wet lousy winters. Ya I was never a big fan of that winter seasonal stuff up there. I got out when I was 18. Never looked back.
Glad it will be getting warmer for you and you can get out and walk. Or bundle up and walk. Walking is my new DOC. As long as there is no ice. I’m glad you checked in and let it out in here. I hope it helps. And I bet others will weigh in as well.
You’ve gotten a lot of good advise already, I’m happy to see. Not too much to add. Sunshine, hiking, running, hanging here with us, all seem like good ideas to me. Some martial arts sounds good too. Do something that scares you like face the sensei! otherwise all I can say is remember why you quit abusing stuff. That’s an act of love. Love for yourself. A huge one. Continue to love on yourself, big love, small love. Every kind of love. Also love on your loved ones of course, but never forget that you are doing this out of love for you. Hugs.