Number of days ###…but thought about going on zero

[WCan]

@Bootz

Boredom won’t kill you, and there’s another choice besides work and drinking bc of fatigue. I think I had an element of drinking to punish myself for not being able to work as much as I “should”. I was an academic, so there were no limits to research and publication. It is so difficult to start over and build those days up again, much easier to leave the bear of addiction asleep in its cave.

I am an academic too, I feel you concerning the pressure of never ending possibility of things to read, write and stuff.

I guess you’re right tho: boredom won’t kill me.
Alcohol could.
Choice should be simple.
Thank you

[WCan]

@JasonFisher

Everyday someone starts a thread about how much fun they didn’t have when they relapsed and all the horrible side effects that came with it.

Yea………I kinda don’t want to be that guy again.
Plus I know it’s BS: alcohol won’t help a damn thing.
If it does something is giving me a kind of fake mental break that come a high cost.
At this point I could just watch a movie and eat something and it won’t hurt that much and would kinda do the job.
Although at one point I’m feeling guilty of needing to consume something to feel a lil better.

[JasonFisher]

My teeth need work. I know how miserable that can be. I’ve been wanting to get mine fixed, but work keeps me too busy. I was hoping to fit in in before crabbing started, but it didn’t work out.

They arent acting up currently, but when they do it’s hard to be positive about anything.

For me, there are a lot of things I want to do to make my life better. Sometimes the big picture seems so hard, and overwhelming.

Combine that with disappointments from the past, it’s easy to get a giant case of the fuck Its. When I start getting the fuck Its, my alcoholic thinking gets louder.

Is it worth it? Life is so hard I might as well be a drunk. Thoughts like that.

Sometimes really destructive drinking thoughts happen. Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about the relapse from hell.

It’s easier for me to shoot those down than it is the subtle ones.

Everyone else drinks, I might as well too. I work hard. I deserve a beer. Thoughts like those are more dangerous than the destructive ones for me.

I’ve been feeling pretty comfortable in recovery for a while. It’s been easier. I’ve been working really hard on myself and my recovery.

Just the other day, I was romancing the idea of getting some pain pills for crab season. It hard knowing that I can’t kill the pain like I used to. Alcohol was a favorite go to if I had a toothache.

I couldn’t fit in time to get to the dentist, but my boss did. That’s really frustrating.

I wish the thoughts would go away entirely, maybe one day they will. I try to focus on how far I’ve come, instead of being disappointed with where I’m at.

Before my initial relapse from long term sobriety, I quit sharing about it. I kept my thoughts to myself. Hindsight being 2020. Thats when I was in the most danger. instead of looking for solution, I started nurturing my thoughts about drinking. It was all subtle thoughts. I thought about it from every angle until I convinced myself that I could drink again.

Keep sharing. Keep seeking solution. There is no magic moment that your cured from alcoholism. Its a daily reprieve. We are just a drink away from being drunks again.

[SinceIAwoke]

@WCan

just accepting (at least I’m trying to) that they are there.

That’s exactly what to do with them. Let them be, then let them go. You are not required to act on them.

[Danyel]

You have gotten so far, you are strong, don’t let that voice in your head fool you…you’ve come too far to turn back now! Stay strong and keep your head up!

[WCan]

@JasonFisher

I started nurturing my thoughts about drinking. It was all subtle thoughts. I thought about it from every angle until I convinced myself that I could drink again.

That’s why I come on here often. Because those small little demon’s thoughts are crumbling over me. Sometime I can just sweep them easily. Some day it’s just impossible and I have to just « be » with them. I hate it, because of course the easiest way my brain is wired to find as a way out of those thoughts is to plan or imagine myself drinking.

Thanks again for your words. I guess I’ll keep sharing and complaining. I guess it’s better than acting on the thoughts of drinking and risking to loose everything again.
Day 445. One at a time.

[jonathanlee213]

The worst place you want to be, inside the mind of an alcoholic/addict you never want to be there alone. The best thing you can do reach out pick up the phone call somebody. When i start getting those thoughts and thinking about going down the rabbit hole i just remember how bad my use was and that i probably wouldn’t be able to get my head out of it, if I fall back. Just one drink or drug away an I can be lost forever. There might not be another recovery left for me so i have to hold on dearly to the sobriety i have now.