We are all here for you reach out anytime man. And when you’re not able in person there are around the clock zoom meetings online N.A. & A.A. zoom
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Yes I think it is CBT and I think all of my therapists in the past were too. I’ll definitely look into other types now that I know there are others!
Thank you so much! This is really helping me feel better.
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I get the double life comparison, but it helped me tremendously to take full responsibility for that “other me” I used to consider separate from myself. Drunk me was still me living with my choices, acting on my thoughts and impulses. It made it easier to keep making the same mistakes as long as I regarded my drunk choices as ones that existed separately from who I wanted to be. It was part of the acceptance and surrender to admit that drunk me was very much me. There was no separation or double life- there was just one alcoholic’s life.
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You get to pick your bottom. You dont have to keep digging to see how much more you can endure. I had a dui 10 years ago and thought that would be my bottom but it took more time and many more mistakes to be desperate enough. I tried aa years ago and cried the whole time then was like im not AS bad as THEM…then go right to the liquor store. I wasnt ready. I tried AA again last year, tried a few online and in person meetings and was open minded and something just clicked. Dont get me wrong it takes work but being willing, honest, and openminded and seeing the similarities rather than the differences made a world of difference
I’ve never thought about it like! Sober me and drunk me are so polar opposites it’s ‘easy’ to switch back and forth but it’s also exhausting and annoying cause I hate drunk me
I had several “bottoms” that I thought were the lowest, that I thought were plenty enough to make me desperate enough. But I don’t think it’s that we can “tell” if we’re desperate enough. We demonstrate that we are, by doing whatever it takes. But also, you can become desperate enough without hitting a new low. Just realizing with honesty where your current path will take you, can be enough to make you stop digging. And it’s not whether you’re desperate enough “this time”, it’s whether you’re desperate enough today. Today is the only day you can take actions in. It’s the only day you have to take actions in. You can choose to be sober today. Your choice for tomorrow will come tomorrow.
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I really do want to be ready and I am desperate for sure but I was after my last relapse and the one before that so I hope I don’t feel better and think I’m fine to not do anything in regards to putting in the work that sobriety needs but I sure as hell am going to try. I don’t know if that makes sense lol
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Makes total sense to this alcoholic. You make a choice everyday. One day at a time. Say no today. Get thru 24 hours sober. Check in often and reassess tomorrow
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I hear ya! I’m just worried I’m desperate and ready to work for sobriety now because I feel like shit and then once I feel better my stupid brain will justify it and be like “it wasn’t so bad”. I hate how my own brain lies to me!
That’s another thing I gotta do is come on here everyday, the good ones and the bad. I tend to only do so after a relapse when I need support.
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Print out your first post to remind you of how it felt!
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I know, right? 
Well, it’s good you’re aware of some of the tricks your mind will play on you in the future. Some people bookmark posts of theirs like this so that they can go back and read them later, when they are being tempted by this kind of thought. I think there’s something pretty powerful about reading your own testimony. Like, how can you argue with it? 
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Very true! I think I’ll try writing it out on paper. I don’t know why but I feel like the action of writing it will be super helpful. Maybe I’ll even stick it on my fridge and in my car so it’s always right there lol
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Also add a list of how alcohol and blow have made your life unmanageable…
Like sleeping with barflys, driving under the influence, blacking out…just to name a few of my own for example 
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I had the same polarity. Like Jekyll and Hyde. It was a huge step forward for me and liberating to accept that there was no dual existence- just me, an alcoholic allowing for terrible choices. The whole 1 day at a time mantra rings true because my sober plan takes daily work and vigilance. Come up with something asap- short term and long term, but also something immediate that you can do right now.
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Definitely hit some meetings. Keep going back. People walk in and somehow decide “it’s not for me”… give it a chance.
Saved my life. Doesn’t matter the quality of the meeting I go to I feel so much better when I leave.
If you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired it’s a really great place to start.
You described many of my NYE, or random Thursdays whatever… I’m so glad I never have to put myself through that again.
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Remember Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to make you think you haven’t got it.
It’s a threefold Illness, Mental, Spiritual and Physical , you need to address all three to have a chance at success. AA will help with the first two, but, it’s up to you to look out for the physical side.
When you go to meetings look for the similarities not the differences between yourself and the people there, look for someone who has the kind of sobriety you want and ask them to Sponsor you and take you through the steps.
Try and share in every meeting even if its only to say “My name is (your name) and I’m an alcoholic”.
If you keep on trying, AA will stick and you’ll know a new freedom and a new way of life.
Good luck for the future.
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Write some notes, because you are going to face the same challenges next NYE but if you have some notes they can help you make better choices.
Maybe one of the notes is that it’s better to listen to your loved ones than to listen to the addictive voice.
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At least you are back trying, with these thoughts and emotions we can do so much damage to ourselves, i am my worst critic, get yourself to a meeting if that is your thing to help you, be proud that you didn’t stay on destruct mode
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Hey! So glad you are here. I echo what’s been said. It’s good that you understand that you need community support. I’m the same way. Everyone in my home group is much older than me with decades of sobriety, but I’m still incredibly close to them and hang out with many of them outside of the meetings. Look for similarities. Remember that we ALL are only sober for TODAY. I also love The Luckiest Club. It’s gotten so big that they have subgroups based on location that you can also participate in so you can find local connections. Have you told your friends that you are on this journey? You are making a great decision. I’m sorry about NYE, and grateful that their weren’t any horrible consequences from that relapse. You deserve a wonder life free from alcohol!
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