I hate that I messed up a few days ago. I’m thinking of all of those resets I made. It upsets me a bit
I’m obsessed with weed. Like crazy for it. I can’t just take 1 puff. I smoke till I’m unrecognizable. Like I’m crazy. I’m totally gone high when I pick it up.
My obsession with weed is 19 years old. I had all of that energy directed to weed. Like focussed on getting high all day.
I think it caused enough trouble
I’m staying sober today
That sounds really exhausting…physically, mentally, emotionally. I hope you can let it go.
I remember when I ust to walk to get it
I’d fight my parents allllllll morning for 10$
Then I’d walk for 3 hours, get a joint(rip off), smoke it then walk 3 hours back home
It’s all focused on weed
Imagine knowing you have to walk 3 hours empty handed after walking 3 hours for the weed. It’s a strong feeling
All of those extremely strong physical and mental stress and anger alllll focused on weed. So much energy for weed. For however many years
Wow
It really was and it will always be. My brain developed around weed. No wonder I’m so messed up lol
Goals are my main focus now.
One day at a time, I’ll make it 
Today is what matters. If you replace the word weed with booze…you just described how I was. I am 2 months away from 5 years.
I know it is doable, I know you can do it.
How was thay AA meeting?
AA and NA are a huge focus
Iv just been to online meetings
I missed the meetings in person so far
They start at noon time everyday. I need to find the new location which I’m pretty sure I can find it
I just need to get to 1 then I’ll be ready for the rest
Today is the only day you have any chance of impacting. Don’t smoke today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives.
This in a nutshell. Just keep it simple.
When you get further into your sobriety or reading you will hear what’s called the mental obsession
It’s my main argument that you can be addicted to anything, and to those who argue marijuana is non addictive.
The mental obsession is what gets us the most, like oh if I just had a drink or smoke it would calm my nerves and I would do better. It becomes part of our daily lives to the point where we schedule everything around our substance breaks
You stated you smoked marijuana for 19 years. So essentially your addiction has reached its own adulthood. Now your trying to change 19 years of a habit tjat was part of you, it’s a very psychologically powerful thing. And can easily be bartered. Example, you break free from the marijuana habit and you take up something like shopping. Now you rationalize that your not smoking weed so it’s better,
Depending on your situation other than NA/AA whichever recovery path you choose. Maybe seeking a therapist to help?
How is your sober day going?
It’s going ok
It’s past midnight here
I’m just happy I haven’t messed anything in my life up too much
I still have a chance in a successful life.
I’m still trying to figure life out though
Goodnight for now