On My Own, I understand the feeling

Emotional Support
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Seems unless you are new, in crisis, or popular is the only way you get noticed here.

It’s been mentioned before the feeling of isolation on this page and I believe there is some truth to that. Once you get to that point, maybe 30 days?? I dunno, it kind of all seems to slow up a bit.

Now I’m not necessarily critiquing anyone in particular, just making an observation as I’ve stayed a bit low key for past week’ish just to see. And to be clear, I’m fine and can attempt on my own if needed, as myself and my wife and son are all I really need in this world, but I just thought it appropriate to point out.

Unless there is drama, or you’ve made a close contact with someone, the responses rate and or acknowledgement falls off while others constantly get highlighted. I get that some need it more as they should, but it’s tough when there is no supportive words… perhaps it falls to only the big check marks of 60, 90, 365 days… not sure.

Now this post is not for anyone to get knickers in a knot or to get on defensive, it’s just an observation, and opinion that follows with what I’ve seen many others state. I’m not calling anyone out at all, I’m just stating that at the point when folks seem to be cruising along may actually be when they are more likely to relapse as they’ve kind of fallen from the eyes of many.

Anyway, I’m still happy to have found this group, much of the reading and early support I received was hugely helpful, and there are many here that I think very highly of. I just wanted to share what I witness and thought awareness could be highlighted as most everyone, if here and posting, don’t wish to fall to obscurity otherwise why would they post to begin with?

I don’t ask for any help, support, advice to any degree, but it’s some folks in this category that may appreciate the kind words and encouragement more occasionally so as to keep going and or even stay engaged as opposed to drift away.

ODAAT and be well folks, just wished to share how I was feeling this morning.

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I respect you and what you’re observing, but it hasn’t been my experience in nearly six years here.

I think regulars get support when they need it and reach out for it. There’s also a lot of regulars in touch with one another outside of here, and support takes place in that arena as well. Of course people who are farther along in sobriety don’t usually need as much support, that’s how it works.

New people (whether in crisis or not) will also get support the vast majority of the time, these are usually the people needing the most support as they are often “in the shit”.

Something I think a lot of folks don’t piece together is that being here often and actively engaging with other users on the forum - not just coming here when in crisis - is key to getting the most out of this place and the community here.

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In my experience here thats exactly what you need to do if you need help youve got to ask for it otherwise how do people know…i always get lots of great advice when i ask…if i dont need help i help others… you get out what you put in i think… .

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I have found that this place is a lot like life, you get out of it what you put into it. I made a lot of connections here…people I now call friends.

For some of us, and I do appologize as I am one that has not interacted with you, life getz busy…so we pop on here, read what we need to read and touch base with those we have connected with. Its hard, after 5 to 6 years of being here, keeping tabs on everyone that comes here.

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Im here friend, even on the uneventful days … I hope you stay… I always love the photos you’re posting

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You are one of the people I look forward to your posts!!:star2::star2::star2::star2:

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Good morning Chevy.
I get what you’re feeling. When I was new here I had no idea where I fit in. I do remember the great big warm welcome I got on my first topic.
I dove right in. Newby Needs Help!! After that I didn’t know where to go or what to do on here but thank people for the warm welcome.

At first I didn’t want to get involved with everyone’s drama. I still don’t. What I enjoyed most were people celebrating my goals. I have no one else to celebrate my daily goals of sobriety and it’s a big deal to me. Then I learned how to do gifs and celebrate everyone else’s and that was fun.

But I still didn’t know if and where I belonged. And I noticed cliques and groups of people having fun and I wasn’t part of it. And that gave me negative thoughts about being on here. But hell that’s life. Isn’t it? I don’t know.

:warning: Gratitude Conversation coming up :no_entry:
So here comes Mr Gratitude for ya. And my story. I use to start different gratitude threads every 4th day because no one was doing it. And you can only post 3 times in a row. And I thought that was kind of fun. But also. Why is no one joining in with me? Then I realized I come here for me. No one else. And I love the gratitude thread because it’s kind of a one way street. For me anyway. I can post my gratitude and read others and I don’t feel like I must get involved on the daily. And I just kept coming back. Look at that thread now? It’s way too big. It’s going gangbusters! And if I like it can still be a one way street for me or maybe I interact. But I’m on it for me and my sobriety. That’s the only thing that matters.

And when I do need help and I post on the check in thread. I know some one some where has my back. Even if it’s just a little :heart: with no response.

This place is magical man. And beginners sobriety isn’t for sissies. It hard. Ups and downs. Lows highs. Depression sadness. Good times too. And it’s frightening.

Great topic!

We were all new once trying to navigate this sight and sobriety. Hopefully others will join in on your topic and share what works or worked for them.

So, like I heard at one of my Al-Anon meetings, keep going back until you feel you fit in.

Sorry for the long winded ramble. But I do think it’s a great topic.
:pray:t2::heart:

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I like this phrase. :face_with_hand_over_mouth: Must be the Brit way to say, “undies in a bundle”. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry if you feel somewhat alone here at times. Some folks post a lot and others post very little. I don’t share much on the checking in daily thread, I feel like there are other threads I can use to vent or ask for guidance. That’s just me. I think some of the Just For Fun threads are also ways to interact more if you want.
Anyway, thanks for the honest share and I am sending you good thoughts on your journey :pray:

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Hey Nick, I have said this so many times before as well. From my perspective it was coming from a sense of loneliness and despair and low self esteem. I am not painting anyone with this brush at all, this was me:

Why doesn’t anyone like me?
Why do I get so little attention?
Isn’t that the story of my life, no one cares.
I could disappear and no one could care less.
I’m insignificant
I don’t have these amazing coherent posts that people love so I’m going to say nothing at all.
I’m just not popular
I don’t fit in this popular group
No one wants me to be here

But that’s actually all just for me to work on. I see so many people constantly helping others here in their vulnerable moments and propping them up when they need it. What people can’t do is maintain constant propping. They also cannot help where professional help is due or needed. I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t get involved if I don’t feel I can offer anything helpful as I feel super uncomfortable around some topics.

I also can’t be what some people are able to manage here, and be on every thread calling everyone out and mentioning them. I know that would tip me into a mental health spiral and it’s the most sure fire way for me to run for the hills. I feel good when someone ats me or mentions me but I naturally am fairly reclusive. I also try and look for people I can give some words to when I can. But my gas mask first, always.

I’m here if anyone wanted help, within reason.

I must say though that I have a set of people on here that I look to and respect and I think that’s a human decision, like making friends in the playground. But I would also sit with anyone at lunch.

Not sure that made sense.

Here.

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This right here was my reason for posting. Not to offend, not to rock any boats, just for good honest two way convo.
Thank you, as you got me this morning on my intent perfectly. :heart:

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I respect you and your thoughts. I just want to share my experience, I’ve been on here a couple years and I can’t say I haven’t felt what you speak of but these days I have a different perspective. I would be “active” during the times I was sober and reading when I wasn’t. It would cross my mind what don’t I ever pop in the you are missed? Here’s what I realized, it’s not anyone’s responsibility but my own for my journey and staying sober, while this community as been a saving grace for me several times now, including currently, I have to do the work. No amount of responses or attention is going to get it for me. I would like to be more active than I am now as far as sharing, being there for people and I will, right now I just don’t have anything to offer as my current situation is all consuming and I can’t string a helpful thought together let alone spit one out. I apologize if I have made you feel any type of way and hope you stay to find the greatness in this place.

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Thank you Patty, my grandma was English, picked it up from here long ago.

This list wasn’t so much about me, and not anyone person really. It was the feel I got with some souls occasionally and was more directed to the community at large. If everyone took a sec to high-five someone they didn’t really know or congratulate on the daily work needed to wrack up another day of sobriety it would make a world of difference imho.
As the saying goes, many hands make light work. We all as a community need to do the lifting of each other up was my hope for this topic.

Love ya and have an amazing day :heart:

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Thank you for sharing your feelings and observations. I don’t think you are alone. Over the years I have read similar from others and felt similar myself. I think we all want to ‘belong’ and feel seen and appreciated and part of the community. And I know for myself, the forum can have a way of helping me work thru my own stuff…it has been super helpful in that regard (and continues to be and highlight areas I know I have challenges in).

After close to 7 years here, I have seen a lot of ebb and flow…with others and certainly with myself. I know for myself, I only have so much to give and I have been working hard to focus more on my family and my self, which is vitally important for my mental health…so my time here is limited (or what passes for limited to me).

Much as TMAC and others suggested, I have also found that the more active I am here (outside of moderating), the more inclusive it feels to me. But as a whole, I am a private person, so I am not on the daily threads (major overwhelm for me). I appreciate the kindness, concern and camaraderie I see on that thread tho. And am in awe of people’s dedication to it. I am not a check in daily or share type of person.
Dazercat’s gratitude thread is another that has a lot of action, but feels less frenetic (for me, I easily overwhelm). And he put it all so well, early sobriety days…not for the faint of heart!!

If you or others feel they are drifting or need more support, I would always advise to reach out on the forum. I see time and again people respond when asked.

Much as Thirdmonkey says, after so many years, so many threads, so many members, many of whom come and go…it is a lot to keep up with. And for me, I am in a step back phase vs a more regular engagement phase. Others are in different phases of their engagement here.

And as I am still writing this, I read Tragicfarinelli’s post which resonates very deeply. :people_hugging: Compassion fatigue is real.

I see you for sure Chevy and have appreciated your posts. Hoping you stick around and find more of the community support you are hoping for (if that is what you are looking for). Be well my friend! Keep fighting the good fight!

And great topic!

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I see and hear you my friend. You are massively important here and your contributions I note regularly.

Hoping that many see this post and take a sec to acknowledge just one person accomplishments is all I would hope for.

This isn’t about me on this topic. I’m a do it myself kinda guy that doesn’t ask for help (something I am working on, but I’m just not there yet), I’m noting as a point of thought for us all to help take this app to another level of supportiveness, at least I think that’s where I was going. Lol. Sometimes I think something and then it takes me in a whole new direction.

Anyway, thank you for taking time and giving such an honest and thoughtful reply! :pray::heart:

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Absolutely. And you are doing amazing. Personally I’m loving all the new people on board. It takes all colours to make a tapestry. :heart:

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You my dear engaged friend, give of yourself more than most anyone. I think some of your share could be carried more by the community (is my hope).

I like to share what I am thinking, where I am at, and occasional (lol) a picture and a high five when I pass by someone I feel may appreciate.

This is never meant to be a post to call anyone out, nor ever disparage, but an awareness.
As some have said, you get out what you put in, but some folks are screaming for some help, love and compassion without actually using those words. They want nothing more than an acknowledgment and a position word to acknowledge the work they are doing. That was the reason for my note. That’s all.

I do thank you for your tireless support though, you are truly an angel. :innocent: :heart:

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You are too kind and a doll Doreen! :heart::smiling_face:

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Interesting topic, I love reading all the different perspectives. Like Sassy said, you’re not alone in feeling this way, but this community is very much like the real world where different people with different needs come to get and give support.

I’ve been around on and off for over five years and TS has been a constant part of my life during that time. The way I interact with the forum these days is very intentional to keep my mental health and emotions in check. Because of my multiple mental disorders, I can easily get overly animated by certain things and turn toxic/obsessive. Trust me, nobody wants that. Some of the poor innocent members who witnessed me going off the rails in here can attest to that. :joy_cat:

Like @Tragicfarinelli , there are topics I avoid because I don’t feel comfortable giving advice when I don’t know what I’m on about. Even when I do know what I’m on about, I have to chose between wanting to be right or wanting not to get banned. Even when I am right.

So that leaves me with sharing my journey. I am happy to talk about how I went from a constant hot mess to a sober mess. It’s all I have the mental cappacity for right now.

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I get you.

My ask is more for people that are engaged in specific threads regularly to just maybe make the effort within to acknowledge. Obviously plenty do already but to try to if you so feel to do so.

Obviously we all can’t be all places all the time and I wouldn’t wish anyone to ever feel they need to be just to overwhelm themselves.

Like you, there are plenty of threads where I know if I engage it may lead to poor choices of words and or giving out poor advice on a subject matter I am not versed to speak :speaking_head: on, so I avoid doing so and leave to the more articulate and knowledgeable folks in those cases and am thankful for them being there.

I feel great and I am not necessarily the subject of my title, just was looking to perhaps raise awareness.

I do enjoy your posts and don’t find you a sober mess at all. Perhaps overwhelmed occasionally but never a mess. :smiling_face:

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I felt this as well. I’m sometime’s very aware I should just keep my mouth completely shut and avoid some topics and certain people as it enrages me. Ten minutes later someone has inevitably offered a supportive, well meaning and constructive and calm reply that I just couldn’t manage… Then @TrustyBird taught me how to hide people. And so I can curate a safe space for my mental health and also help where I can and won’t be in danger of being rude or obstructive to peace.

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