Long story short & no sugar coating it for myself,
I relapsed not too long ago…
On drugs all together, cocaine.
I don’t even like coke like that, it’s not even my thing.
& yet here I am, third time hitting it this week.
Haven’t relapsed on meth tho, still going 141 days strong. Don’t plan on going back to that bs ever in my life…
smh I know I’m just replacing one drug with the other.
I hate cocaine. Doesn’t make sense right
Long story short & no sugar coating it for myself,
When things get so overwhelming in our lives and we can not make sense in our heads of what is happening and how to slow it down and move forward we just tend to find what ever escapism we can, it’s all about opportunity, had the opportunity not been there, would you have taken it?
What’s important now is that you have come forward and I commend you for that, you know you want to get clean and that’s fantastic, we’re all here to help and support you. Do you know what caused you to spiral? Admitting your problem and recognising your trigger is a good start, what other support do you have to help you through?
I hate that even tho I conquer my meth abuse on a daily basis (just like anybody else in recovery) I still have this part of me that feels attached to the life style, like if that’s just the type of person I am. I mean I’ve accepted that I’m an addict.
But why does drugs have to be such a personal problem for me. I do it just to feel like I’m on a drug, even if it doesn’t attract me. Stupid right…
I can say no cause I always do but lately I’ve been choosing to do it socially. Literally out of boredom.
If the opportunity wasn’t there I wouldn’t even stress about taking it. Could’ve been anything else but it was coke this time.
But One thing I will always have the will-power to say no to is meth. Because I know I have a problem with it & I know what it does to me & I know I don’t want to go back
Sorry if I just spoke literal nonesense, I feel so off right now. Basically I just did it to do it. & now I’m mad at myself because I have to reset my calendar when I know better
Stay strong girl. Message me if you ever feel like using and maybe I can help get your mind off things or provide advice
Same for you! Thank you
It sounds like you mentally identify with the drug lifestyle in some way. I know that I did to some extent.
Some parts of this article spoke to me: https://medium.com/the-establishment/i-dont-want-to-be-the-troubled-girl-anymore-373459f0be71
There are parts of a troubled woman character that help me cope in certain times. It’s hard not to play a role that we identify with and sort of works for us. In the example in the article the troubled girl is sexy.
Where we really want to be is a place where we can separate every behavior and ask if it is what we want. We are more than the roles we play.
I don’t know if this makes any sense. Maybe just think about why you see yourself doing coke again. What do you look like in your mind? What do you like about that image? Which parts feel like you? How can you separate that from the actual drugs?
Can I ask how you have reached 141 days without meth? That’s pretty amazing. Did you do any sort of program ordid you quit on your own?
I relapsed after 116 days the longest id gone, now my marriage is at steak too. But ill do it i have to just keep trying , you just have to keep going, pick yourself up, dont punish yourself, its working out the triggers that makes us relapse mine is family, not my own, outside family, knowing this at this point anything that is a trigger point is something to work on. Everything happens for a reason, you know we have angels that we must listen to that guide us and forgive us. Keep going all we have is the now, just keep living for right now, no one can understand recovery unlike an addict, be proud, keep loving yourself, today is day 1, everyday is day 1 xxx much love and strength xx
You didn’t go on too much, I get the whole lifestyle thing I really do, I was on speed for 7 years straight got to the point I was taking it daily as soon as I got out of bed. Work hard play harder was always the motto in the circle of friends I had then, I got to a point where I wanted more out of life, I wanted a family and a good relationship, you will get there, I learned that the lifestyle is hollow, others who take it don’t really give a s*** about you or what is going on in your life just if you’re out for the next hit. The men, well they just want sex and not a relationship, alot of them are broke and can’t really afford the lifestyle and finally I’ve never met anyone on drugs or alcohol that have made a success and are rolling in the money to support themselves. What is it that you want from life and how are you going to achieve it??
I didn’t miss meth at all.I hate everything about it, it’s messed up my life so bad. I wad 16 months clean until last night. I found out my BF was using, so I joined him. So stupid. It’s good that you at least set that boundary for yourself. Don’t cross it!
Yes you’re so right, I think about that a lot. That I’m just used to the lifestyle… I’m looking into this
Thank you! & its all about commitment. Just keep telling yourself how much you really wanna stay sober & no matter how hard the temptations hit you just DO NOT GIVE IN. There’s nothing there for you there… Its just not worth it, you’ve already learned the hard way, you’re just going back for no reason…
But yeah, I completed treatment at substance abuse classes even tho it was all for my probation, I was obligated to take them but I found them really helpful. If you take it seriously anyways. I wanted to quit & the classes just gave me an extra boost. My drug counselor was amazing, I loved her
Yes!! We learned the hard way. Good luck on your sobriety I hope you’re doing well love
I hope you are doing better & have found yourself, if not then I pray to God you do.
We know better… But its all about doing better. I hope you’re doing well beautiful. You deserve so much more