A huge wave of emotions has hit me out of nowhere again. 130 days is the longest I have been sober from alcohol. I don’t even take anything for my anxiety or pain. I just noticed that the past few days have hit me like a wave of emotions. I started a new job three weeks ago and it is so new especially going into it sober. This is scary. I almost wanted a drink because my anxiety and panic attacks and intrusive thoughts I have in my head have gotten almost unbearable. Soni just start praying in it. Is this normal. The struggle of helping my parents, supporting my kids and just getting by is harder than I thought. I mean I keep just going and going I feel like I close my eyes and wake up. I never get proper rest. I always feel like I am so broken and never going to get out of this weird up and down depression. like I’m a single mom giving my all. I just pray so hard and ask God for guidance because this has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. Getting sober is harder than just going to drink.
First of all you should be so proud of yourself. 
We all know just how impossible it can feel to get sober.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
It may seem like it would be easier to just pick up a drink, but it would make all of those other things so much worse.
I struggle with daily panic attacks as well and I know how terrifying they can be, but alcohol makes them an utter living hell.
I don’t know your circumstances of course, but I would suggest finding SOME time for yourself to decompress when you can.
Congratulations on your new job 
I’m rooting for you. We all are!
I thought that for a long time too, until drinking became so difficult that sober had to be easier. I’m also a single mom, and all I do is work to barely support us. Today was payday and my money’s already gone 
and I didn’t even get everything I needed. Life sucks, but it was alot suckier when I was drinking. Around where you are now is when I relapsed my first go around, and I went back out for 3 more years! That time period in my second real attempt(now) is where I entered the emotional peak of my sobriety. I was having panic attacks bc everything was just too much for me. But I also knew that drinking then to ‘cure it’ would’ve only prolonged the inevitable(and that’s assuming I’d even get another chance at sobriety). So I suffered thru it. Same as I did willingly thru my alcoholism. And with time, it evened out. This part can’t be avoided. Life itself is hitting you all at once. You have to learn new ways to deal with it. Whatever works. Well done on 130 days Don’t give up now! It will become more manageable 
Thank you. This is the longest I have gone and I just don’t want to go backwards. I start thinking it will be easiest to just go have a drink than I think of how ugly I would feel, the remorse I will feel letting myself, and my kids down. So I just keep going. I know this is just a test.
Keep going BNK, keep adding day after day. It will become easier but it will take a while before it does. If I look back becoming sober is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Giving birth to my children was difficult and painfull, but getting sober was the hardest thing I ever did.
But rewarding too! No pain no gain, same as giving birth 
Keep going, you can do this!
You are a strong mama just like me. Push trough, it will become easier I promish.