One Month Sober Today :)

Milestones
, ,
1

Hello all,

I hope you are all doing really well on your journeys. Today I am alcohol-free for one month and although I am really happy with this, there have been 2 days in the last day where my anxiety/depression surged and I had to face the reality that I can’t just reach for the bottle to not feel my feelings… I haven’t had any urges in the past month other than these 2 days.
Yesterday I attended an AA meeting and on the way home and for the rest of the afternoon/evening I felt a real sense of depression creeping over me again. I thought about it and then I realised that at the AA meeting I truly realised I cannot drink again and it made me feel really empty and sad that I could never have that quick-ish fix again, even though it brought more problems along with it.
On Tuesday I was overcome with intense anxiety and almost guilt and helplessness after seeing the movie The Sound of Freedom the night before. Although the movie is about hope and a story of real rescue, the fact that child sex trafficking exists around the world and is a real epidemic just messed with me SO badly. Again, I couldn’t just have alcohol to soothe these feelings and I just felt so helpless about how horrific the situation is :frowning:
I started drinking years ago to ‘help’ me with decades of obsessional anxiety and clinical depression and I often don’t feel like I have definite thoughts or triggers that lead to these feelings (and have seen numerous psychologists and psychiatrists over the past >30 years with no real solutions either). This last week at least I could identify my triggers for a change. On these days, especially when I was feeling depressed yesterday, I found myself almost back in old patterns of wanting to do nothing and achieve nothing and just wishing something would knock me out so I wasn’t feeling such loss for my old coping mechanism.

Anyway, I had to get my feelings out somewhere, so thanks for reading! I am feeling happier and more peace today and VERY thankful that I coped in other ways and didn’t miss my first month sober-verssary :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: xo

12 Likes
2

Congrats on reaching a very tough 30 day milestone!

Try not to worry about forever. That thought is overwhelming to me still after 16months of sobriety. Try thinking about it one day at a time. “Im committing to not drinking today” you can deal with tomorrow when it comes.

Keep working your recovery. You deserve sobriety.

4 Likes
3

Congrats on your 1 month sobriety Susy

You are absolutely crushing it. I am sorry for the 2 days of “yuck” - i am impressed that you were able to see and identify the triggers and also not get sucked into the bottle to escape. This is progress.

Life isn’t always going to be roses and rainbows. We are learning how to live and deal with all that life has to offer without hiding away with our substance of choice.
I am sorry that the psychologists and psychiatrists haven’t helped (think you still picked up some healthy coping tools along the way).

Glad you were able to let our your feelings here. More grateful that you are feeling happier and more at peace today.

3 Likes
4

Thanks @JazzyS

I really appreciate your message x

2 Likes
5

Congrats on one month sober!

1 Like
6

Thank you for sharing your experience and I admire your strength. It’s so hard to deal with those emotions without looking for some way to escape. Congratulations on hitting the 30 day mark!

1 Like
7

@Pattycake

Thank you so much :slight_smile: xo

8

Congratulations Suzy!

1 Like
9

@DanaM56

Many thanks!