One of those waves (TW)

I don’t really have anyone to talk to right now so I’ll put it out there to the interwebs

I’m having lots of suicidal thoughts and have been managing it decently enough on my own. Unfortunately my insurance won’t cover therapy at the moment (what the actual fuck) and it’s hard to even get in touch with my care provider to try to get some kind of help. I’ve considered reaching out privately but can’t afford it until I’ve saved for a few months, so I just gotta hang on.

I’ve been relapsing pretty hard the past few weeks. I went through a tough breakup and I am having trouble figuring out my finances all my hopes are just in the gutter right now. I feel like I can’t do anything right and I’m sure that I’ll never come back out of this one.

I just feel trapped in a life I don’t want. I don’t like my job, I don’t like living alone, my dog doesn’t even like me right now, she just runs in the other room every time I come close.

I know that making serious decisions when I’m not thinking straight won’t end well. It’s just been like 6 weeks now I can’t focus on anything else except how miserable I am.

I know it’ll get better. It’s called a down because there are always ups. Trying to be grateful for what I have, because I’m still very blessed, and things could be worse… I don’t know how to ride this out. I don’t know how to keep my head up instead of just to stop fighting and let myself go under.

I know that nobody can do this for me, and I know I’ve got this great group here to support me. Even though we hardly know each other I know y’all have my back just because we share these similar experiences. Thanks for being there… y’all have helped me so much just by being yourselves and sharing your story.

I’ll hang in there. Just needed to blow some steam and put it out there since I don’t have anywhere else to go right now. Love you guys. Happy hump day


Thanks for sharing Nate. Hope it helps some. You’re here. You’re not alone. Please find a way to stop using because that stuff will only bring you down further. Well you know that. Big hugs.


So glad you came here to that, and yes, this too shall pass. This is a very depressing time of the year for many people. Staying sober will help you get through these hard times. Alcohol only will make it worse. Keep taking it day by day, and please feel free and encouraged to keep checking back in. This is a great community who can support you through rough times.


Glad you vented here and I hope it helped. :heart: You are right, it will pass and you can ride it out…even tho the mind tries to say something else. Breathe, move, write it out, like you did. We are always here for you.

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You are not alone, you need to stop using because that will drag you down so low, concentrate on the good things in your life, everyone can find something to smile about each day, have you got any friends or family close by ? why not have a chat with your doctor and explain how your feeling, reach out their is no harm in needing help time to time we all need it, perhaps find a website that could explain how to help sort out your finances or if you do have any one close to you that could help, wishing you well, keep posting here for support.

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Yes, it sounds like a really crap patch you’re going through right now. I’m sorry if that sounds like an understatement.
I’ve had very similar thoughts a couple of days ago, even calmly set down with a cup of coffee googling the most efficient “way out” that would do for me (I’m on xanax and a very mild antidepressant, and, in view of my history with xanax and anxiolytics, I’m pretty resilient and it’s not at all that easy - apparently - to kill oneself with alprazolam unless you mix it with… nevermind).

Far from preaching and judging - I think everyone should have the freedom to do everything he/she likes with his or her life - I think that the first and most important thing to do in this moment is to gather all your forces and concentrate on how to stop relapsing.
The financial issues and so on will be resolved in time. You will find a therapist and start working on your relationship with yourself.
But RIGHT NOW, the relapses are your first and biggest problem.
Easier said than done, but do try everything in your power not to drink, one minute at the time, one hour, one evening etc. Just try. Your problems won’t go away, of course, but you will be able to look at them in another way and - and it’s a huge thing - you will start being proud of yourself.
Sending you a big hug and know that you’re not alone. As you know by now, there is plenty of great, smart, empathetic people in this place.

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Thanks for your kindness and support, all. I’m glad you’re here for me, that we can all be here for one another

I just wanted to say I too was feeling suicidal so badly after my last drink, regulating my meds and taking a small dose of melatonin to help me go to sleep each night. Making sure im taking meds same time every day and then forcing my self into a better sleep routine everyday too has helped me to think a heap better. Also understanding that prior to quitting alcohol 25 days ago I didn’t realise my drinking was undoing the anti depressant medication from working properly. All that made me understand why my moods were so up and down. I don’t know if you are on meds , but I just thought saying this might help you in some way. I hope you feel better today. I hope your dog starts liking you again too. Keep going , hearts going out to you :heartbeat::heartbeat: prayers too

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