I’ve tried many times to abstain and then after a couple months wind up drinking or weeks sometimes. I’ve recently been told that I likely have bipolar depression which actually brought some peace to my life. Because I often drink to quiet my brain during manic episodes but didn’t realize I did this or the pattern until I really sat back and observed my past objectively. I am a very impulsive person. I moved from Vancouver to Toronto in January. Something I have grown to regret as it triggered my mental health and drinking worse than I’ve experienced before in my life. I had a hard time holding jobs down and making friends. Which only made me want to isolate myself and binge more. I moved here under the influence of a male friend of mine which now doesn’t talk to me. I know I had much to do with it but he also wasn’t very good to me or for me but I grasped onto him like a lifeline afraid to meet others and struggled with my worth and identity here. Slowly I’ve made more friends here. Ironically most are from BC. I’ve not drank since my intital doctors appointment last week and made it through a social function without even being slightly tempted. I hope I can keep this up. I really want to get my head on straight and be the person I know I am and can be. It’s been out of character for me this year. I recently bought a journal to try and work through my thoughts pen to paper. I guess I’m rambling in this post but it’s nice to talk to people somehow someway who relate. I’m also super proud to say that it’s been 10 months since I’ve done coke. In my younger 20’s there was a time when coke and booze went hand in hand. It slowed down as I got older but this is the longest I’ve ever gone without touching it and I’m just very proud of that. Hopefully in 10 months I can say the same about booze! One day at a time
Hi and welcome. I too am from Vancouver and living on Vancouver Island. When I was drinking and using my mental health suffered as well. The only way I could stay sober was to get out of my comfort zone and get myself to an AA meeting. Today I can proudly say that I have 331 drug and alcohol free. I suggest checking out a meeting and giving it a chance to work.
I’m very impulsive person too, it’s sucks.
Congratulations on 10 months without coke! I used do coke too.
How are you doing now?
To be honest I am having a rough day today. But just reminding myself it’ll pass and tomorrow is a new one just beating myself up for all the bad things I’ve done while drunk but I guess there’s no point in that I can’t change the past I can only change the present and future and part of not drinking is not numbing the feelings anymore