It can be so very difficult. Keep breathing. We are here and know how hard sobriety is. You have our love and support.
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I started with telehealth, bc covid. It really helps and makes it easier for my schedule/child care. I would encourage you to keep trying to find a counselor.
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I really appreciate what you said. I struggle with needing validation from my spouse and you’re right, it’s not their baby. Thanks.
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I just saw this thread, as I’ve been working all day, but completely relate. My man hardly drank when we met 4 years ago but saw what I was(an said alcohol was like crack to me(he was right)). No one had ever called me out like that. And tho he now does drink daily, he does not become the monster I become after just one. Bc 1 leads to several, or more. And he doesn’t understand that. Hes able to stop, after a couple beers or part of a bottle, whereas I’ll drink til its gone(or hidden from me). I’ve been in a limbo with him saying he doesn’t want me to stop, just cut back. That’s not possible for me. I understand the frustration bc I’m right there. The last time I quit for 5 months was bc of him, an how badly I treated him. But when I relapsed, during COVID, I never felt that same anger/sadness as he showed me before. It’s so hard when your SO cant understand what you’re going thru. Stick around here. Read every day. It helps me a lot. Do it for yourself. That’s the only person you can change 
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I hope you were able to get some rest and clear your head a bit.
I agree, a counselor sounds like a great idea. Venting here can also be helpful!
Are you able to sit down with him when both of you are rested and relaxed to discuss how to support you? I know for me it took my husband some time before he truly understood I was serious and what support looked like. His understanding was a process, much like my sobriety journey.
My husband also suggested I try to just have a few and not go overboard. Haha, we all know how that works. And really, it WAS that he simply didn’t get that sure I could do that now and again, but I would always end up back at slobering asshole defeated drunkeness.
Sobriety is a journey for both parties in a marriage. You will be changing and he will be scared of what that means or of losing you or just change in general. And that is understandable. Only you know the heart of your marriage and if you two can muddle thru this life change that is sobriety. It will require talking together about goals and support and can be an opportunity for growth for both of you.
Matt listed a good resources with threads about spouses. Many of them relate to spouses who drink, but they do discuss what support looks like, so I think they could be helpful to read thru.
Also, do a search on spouse or support or just read read read here. There are 4 years of good advice and people who have been and are in our shoes. You are not alone in this!!
Glad you are here!!!
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Lol @ just have a few and not go overboard! 
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I’m the same, once you pop you can’t stop. I even try to start off with a soft drink or drink soft drinks in beween alcoholic drinks, but ha ha that would be a first 
. I love to out to dinner and have the one drink and be happy and content, but I can’t see that happening anytime soon, lol for one my husband never takes me out . The only time I have alcohol left in the fridge is because I passed out the night before. God forbid using alcohol in cooking, what! Drinking it whilst cooking maybe, but not as an ingredient. I can’t turn back the clock, but this won’t prevent me from moving forward. I used alcohol to gain confidence as I have low self esteem, but alcohol was destroying it. Same with recreational drugs when I was younger (though I have been to some awesome parties). If you have a supportive partner, then allow him to help you, even if it means leaving you alone for a while or just listening to you rant on. Open new doors together. I am doing my ‘upgrade’, as I call it, on my own but I have faced other major issues in my life within the last 6 years on my own, so I am happy and content with this 
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Don’t. You’ve decided to be better, now be better. The only person who gets a vote, is you. You are democracy of one. No one can make you drink, if you don’t want to. No one can stop you from drinking, if you don’t want to.
Just keep saying “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. Just keep saying “no” to the only person who matters in this equation: you.
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(I don’t know who “he” is…I’m assuming it’s your partner…but if he can’t believe your situation is real then he’ll never be a source of support. Get out as soon as you can and strongly consider staying out.)
HA! Just noticed the post title after I posted. Oops. Husband definitely makes it more complicated. Say, I think my advice still stands…BUT add a strong conversation first. Explain it all to him and leave it for him to decide what he’s willing to do to give you your support.
Hugs
YOU CAN DO IT
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