Hi, I have no idea how to categorize this. I cannot get past the hate I have right now. I am seething in the bathroom right now to be away from him…he will never ever understand my perspective. He doesn’t believe in mental illness or addiction. I am drowning trying to keep a happy face. Please help. My only saving grace will be when I get home, ready for bed and read responses.
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What’s going on… did he say something that upset you? Breathe deep…
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Oh @Peanut76, I am so sorry. I don’t have any advice, except do not drink at this problem. 
Sounds like maybe some soul searching is needed. Hugs.
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Dont let the anger overtake you. Breathe deep… if he is being insensitive his issue not yours… hope you get a good sleep and feel better tomorrow. Punchbag?
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Vent away! What happened? It’s very hard when the people we’re closest to don’t understand. I’m sorry you’re so stressed 
My only advice would be to try to find a way to get through to him when you are calm and have gathered your thoughts. If you can’t get through to him… maybe even try couples counselling?
He’s your partner in life, and sobriety and mental health is a big part of your life… so he needs to at least be able to TRY to walk this road with you and try to understand.
Hope your evening got MUCH better
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I do not to intend to drink at this problem. “Drink at a problem” is not a way I’ve thought about this before but is totally spot on. Oh man. This is hard. Because a lot of my every day is like this. He has no clue what it feels like. I am searching for a counselor to vent. Don’t want a family or friend, but a sounding board that is neutral. That would be best for me at this beginning of my journey.
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I’m sorry to hear how hard it is for you now. It sounds like you feel totally unseen, not understood, not heard, and he’s not even trying to see your perspective, your experience. Is that right?
There’s no pain greater than being invisible in all the meaningful ways, to the people who are supposed to be seeing and loving our true selves. Family, spouses, what we want, what we need, is to have our feelings and experiences seen and validated. When we do, we feel like we belong. We are on a team. We are stable, grounded, supported.
What do you need? What would help here?
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I’m sorry your husband is being insensitive. Is there a possibility he is a narcissist? Maybe he is dismissive of your efforts to quit drinking because it takes away his fun and control of you. Because you’re making a decision for yourself, but I take it he is still a drinker? I don’t know, just some theories…
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You nailed it. He made me feel like I don’t belong. Wow. Thank you for your insight!
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He does not drink.
This was my first post, so the vulnerability tied up in that actually has made me feel empowered. I am so surprised and thankful for your response!
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Why is it so hard? Maybe I am too hard on myself, expecting perfection from me, myself, I and everyone…not working out so great.
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I appreciate your reply! He thinks I need to just drink every now and then, that I get too attached to it. He also thinks I act crazy when I am drinking (which I do) but also sabotages my efforts by buying me alcohol without me asking. We have been married for 10 years. Don’t know how I can continue in this destructive cycle.
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My pleasure. I think it will help you to think about what you really need here. It might sound weird, but you don’t need validation from your husband specifically, at least, not right now (and anyway, it doesn’t sound like he’s in a mental or emotional space to give that validation, right now). So like Jane said (above), give some thought to where else you can get it. Meetings help - like these:
Online meeting resources
Or these:
Resources for our recovery
And of course we’re here on Talking Sober. We all understand what it’s like. Ultimately sobriety is really ours and ours alone: it’s ours to build, ours to maintain, and ours to understand. It’s not their baby; they don’t always understand what it’s about.
Have a read around here and get to know some of the other journeys. You’ll find you have a lot in common. Give some thought to what you need - and then act. Act fearlessly. Act like your life depends on it. And never, ever give up on yourself: you’re a good person, a worthy person, who deserves a safe, sober life, without regret.
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You said he doesn’t drink? Pour that junk down the drain. He’ll learn quick that he’s got better things he can spend his money on.
Like chocolate. Mmmmm the ones with orange peels in them… 
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You must be in Europe, that was a childhood favorite of mine when we lived there… everything you mentioned is what my mum said to me earlier in conversation. It is up to me… I’ve relied on him for my entertainment and happiness a bit too long. I am ready now. I will take advantage of your links and I thank you!
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He buys you alcohol when you’re trying to quit? He’s enabling you and that’s control.
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Thanks for the insight. I appreciate that, That’s one of the many things he is that I’m working against. Thanks again.
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Glad to hear it! I’m sure you’ll find what you need 
(I’m actually in Canada: we have a lot of the same chocolates, for about half the price )
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I used to binge drink. My husband thought to stop me binging I should drink a little everyday. He also bought me alcohol, and because he wanted to save money, massive cartons of wine. At first, I did drink a little everyday, but slowly I started binging everyday. It was about 5 years ago, when we had been together 9 or so years. Normal drinkers really struggle to understand. He would also sometimes buy me alcohol as a “treat”. It took him a while to understand I really cannot drink. Now he gets it more than I do.
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