The paranoia and anxiety is so awful the day after drinking. Especially when I wake up hungover and remembering the most awful memories of what I’ve said or done.
It’s paralyzing. I can’t get out of bed. Just keep making myself sleep to forget it. Keep praying, watching YouTube videos on the subject, listening to meditation… anything I can.
This time I made a FB post telling basically the whole world all my mental illness diagnosis and alcohol abuse problem. I just keep thinking of the hundreds of people in my community that probably seen it before I deleted it. I can’t stop obsessing over this. Want to crawl in a hole.
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I used to get drunk and facebook. The next day my notifications would be blown up and I’d sometimes be horrified by the shit I would talk. Sometimes it was funny, others times I would delete it as soon as I read it. The damage was done. I passed out long enough for everyone to see it. I was embarrassed and ashamed.
I tried to make no drinking and Facebooking rules for myself. Like all the other rules I made for myself, I broke them when I drank.
Quitting drinking was the solution. I haven’t made an ass out of myself on social media or anywhere else since I quit. I love that!
I get some cringey memories that pop up. Its a good reminder of why I quit drinking. Time fixes it. Anyone that really matters in my life is happy for me to be sober. I’m not that person anymore. I don’t have to feel ashamed.
Facebook isn’t that fun if I’m not drunk, talking shit. Its old and its dying anyways. Most people are tired of it and rarely use it these days.
Stay sober, work towards building the best version of you and it will fade away.
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Our past trauma will get the best of us at times; let’s not give it an extra hand by feeding our addictions. Seek help to root-cause the trauma, face-it, forgive yourself & others and your addiction(s) become useless!
As for the embarrassment…what people think of You is none of Your business.
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I know the feeling of wanting to just disappear because of things you did or said drunk. But you told what is really happening, right? Can you be brave and admit that is what is happening, that you are struggling and need support? I know it is scary and you want to take it back, but you can’t. Having mental problems and abusing alcohol are not “bad” things per se, many people on the forum have been or are going through the same thing. Owning yourself is painful in the short-term but hiding away is always painful. I know how hard it is, I am ‘out’ to few people, but I know I feel freer and closer to those people.
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I think most of us in this forum have blurry memories of things that we wish we could take back. I sure do.
Once I went to a beautiful formal ball and woke up thinking I had the best of times dining with new friends and dancing with my husband.
Well, what was my surprise to know he was furious with me because I acted in a way that was completely out of line. Once I remembered bits and pieces, I was truly embarrassed and disappointed in the way I caused a terrible first impression in a new town, among new friends. Even worse, ruining a special night with my husband. I wanted to crawl into a hole. And it was one of the first massive red flags that my drinking had gone absolutely out of control.
Taking action to address your addiction is the first step to help with the crushing feeling of embarrasment.
Time is the only other thing that I know that helped me. Time to slowly overcome the bad feeling, and putting time between the incident and the sober person that I am today. Each day showing to myself first (and others next) that I don’t behave like that anymore helped those emotional bruises to heal.
Wishing you the best on your sober journey 
PS: is this day 1?
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