Hi everyone. My partner and I have been together for 13 years. Have experienced beautiful life with many ups and downs from legal battles to car accidents however we always stuck together. About 3 years ago , not sure why , but my drinking went from regular to regular but would always end in a fight or physical attack from me to him. I would drink and then check his phone or find something I did not like and would wake him up to blows in the face. To try to help with things we took a vacation and things were not great there either because I got drunk and did the same thing. Once we got home he was pretty much ready to breakup however I had just found out we made a baby on our vacation and I was not expecting. He stayed and things got so much better. We were back in love and happy. Our beautiful son came and things were good however I began drinking here and there again with him but I started to over drink and go through his phone again. I saw that he was still talking to the women he would speak to before I got
Pregnant. Fights started again and it became a cycle. We would be good and then we would drink and I would find something regarding this girl. He has now told me this women has his “ attention “ and I believe it is because of all my drunken incidents that I have pushed him to want attention from someone else. Now I feel like it is too late. I’ve done so many things and I know this women is head over heels for him so she is doing everything that I am not which makes her look like the better and right choice. I get anxious and have anxiety when I am away from him or when he is mad at me. I’m not addicted to
Drinking but it seems I can’t control my actions when I have had too much to drink. I don’t want to loose him but I feel like I am
Not accepting that he is involved with someone else now.
Lots to unpack there:
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Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Meaning we drink more and more and all things get worse and worse as time goes on.
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You seem to be trying to fight multiple battles on several different fronts. Trying desperately to control and manage things outside of your control (step 1).
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You would do well to focus on yourself at this point…but not in a selfish way. Meaning, have a good hard look at yourself, not others. If you decide you need help with booze…get it! Sobriety opens the door to sunlight of the spirit…which opens the door to full recovery. It’s not easy and it ain’t microwave recovery. Time takes time but is doing things your way and you calling all the shots working?
Thank you for #1, it is my first time thinking of it like that.
& yes I know I need to focus on myself and just become better all together but I just can’t seem to figure out how. Drinking is not a problem for me, if I say no, I won’t drink. And if I say I’ve quit then I know I can quit. Which is what I will go back to doing. Not drinking. May I sound dumb. No idea but thank you for your response.
Hi there, glad to hear you are not planning on drinking anymore as there is clearly something in you that reacts badly to it. There are things we can change in life (drinking vs. not drinking) and many many things in life we have to learn to accept (other peoples thoughts and actions) because we CANNOT or should not try to control them. We end up fighting a losing battle.
Wishing you all the best 
If you’re able to stop on your own and stay stopped drinking, more power to you.
That’s what I would do and then I would seek some counseling or therapy and try to work things out with your partner.
If you address your own insecurities it won’t matter to you what he does because you’re self-worth won’t be dependent on how he treats you and what he does.
I am not married, never have been, never will be, but that is how I would approach the situation if I were you.
Be well 
You had a post very similar to this over a year ago. You say drinking isn’t an issue yet here you are a year later.
If it’s so easy to say “I’m not drinking” then why haven’t you?
Very true. The downtime makes me always feel like “ yes I obviously can control it “ and then we get in a social setting and I will say okay I’ll drink with you and then we head down the same road because I have the same anger in me that has not been solved since it started last year.
Thank you so much, to not be married, it is still good advise. Thank you. I actually reached out to a therapist for myself today. Awaiting a response. Thank you ! As for him, I’m sure he’s done with me so I am trying to just control my anxiety of him being gone. I am staying with my parents and haven’t seen him in a few days. Just preparing for the longevity of it even though it is extremely tough daily .
well this too shall pass and in the big picture it’s just a little bump in the road. don’t get angry resentful or fearful and work on yourself. do the next right thing and then the right things will start happening for you.
hope you are well
Thank you , I appreciate your kind words & hope you are taking in great words as well !