My estranged mother died unexpectedly last Thursday.
I won’t go into too many details, but she is the cause of my Complex PTSD, and she had her own issues with alcohol. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree there.
I’ve been sober for 8 months, and when I heard what had happened, I just shut down. Couldn’t verbalize anything or journal. I so badly wanted a drink. If it wasn’t for my anger driving me forward, I would have dive bombed off the wagon, not just fallen.
I guess I just needed to vent to other people who might understand where I’m coming from. The good news is that I’m still sober! So there’s that!
Sorry for your loss estranged or not. I have heard non verbalization does occur when grieving. Congrats on 8 months. Please remember a drink will not make feelings go away only hide them. I am praying for you
Although my mother wasn’t estranged from her children, she was a pretty toxic mother, especially to my older sister. When she died, it was hard. My sister wasn’t sad, just relieved. Arranging the funeral was difficult, because they ask about “what good memories do you have?” and my sister left in tears, because the bad ones were overwhelming, but you can’t say that.
Just feel the feelings, and remember that your sobriety is the most important thing. Also therapy, self-help books might help you deal with your feelings towards yourother later.
Edit: Congratulations on your sober time!
