Has anyone looked back on their past relationships and realized that the toxic ones were due to the relationship being revolved around alcohol? I’ve been doing some deep thinking on this and wondering if anyone has been in emotionally/physically abusive relationships in the past and has healed from this after becoming sober? Sometimes when i look back, I realize that if I had dated some of these people while sober, I wouldn’t have chosen to keep dating them. I have a lot of regret around this subject.
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Oh, alcohol fueled a whole lot of unwise choices for me!
I certainly got into some relationships I wouldn’t, now that I’m sober. And also stayed beyond the expiry dates of others, sigh.
Counselling has helped me unpack and heal from a lot of this. I think others on here can recommend how their programs have helped, or books, or other support one can get to heal and move on from our pasts.
The thing to keep close to your heart now, today, is that you never have to go back there.
Isn’t that a relief? 
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Amen to that!
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All of my romantic relationships from high school on were built on bonding over drinking or drugs and I am in my 60s, so yes. We don’t know what we don’t know and until we are sober and healthier, we will follow the well trod path. Drinking and drugs and low self esteem go hand in hand. Once we get off the merry go round and start falling in love with our healthier healing self, we have the opportunity for healthier relationships with others as well.
Life = having regrets and in my experience that is okay. Growth comes from learning from our past experiences, they helped shape us, and moving forward armed with more knowledge and experience on what builds us up vs tears us down. It is okay to let go of regrets and be gentle with yourself for the bad decisions you made when you didn’t know any better. You are human. 
FWIW, my 1st husband was physically and emotionally abusive and yes, we can and do heal from such relationships. Therapy was so helpful for me around that. And sobriety has been incredibly healing as well.
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