I was at least 45 yrs old when I found out there was a name for what I thought was just a terrible unsociable habit on my part: phone anxiety. Specifically, I am extremely avoidant of having to call people. I used to think I was just being stupid when I would avoid making necessary calls until situations simply became untenable (think needing a repair person in the home, or sorting out an error in official paperwork). I have by this behaviour made several straightforward situations much more complicated due to delays caused by my not simply calling a number.
As to personal calls, I’m a disaster, and I think many people have come to see me as uncaring, which makes me very sad because I’m not. But I simply cannot bring myself to see or understand the value others place on a phone conversation. It’s alien to me how people can just call each other to talk, and can talk for hours at that. I’m not unsocial and I love seeing my friends face-to-face. I do manage to call my mother every day that I don’t go to see her, and I’m getting better in calling my elderly aunt. They both need me. I can also easily call my sister, and some others in the family. But ask me to call a window-blind repair person tomorrow Monday, as my mother has done today, and I’m already stressing about it. I know I’ll get palpitations and feel anxious just looking up the number. It’s just so dumb, but it really affects me. I actually have to make two calls tomorrow, and I’m already dreading it. But I know not calling tomorrow will just delay the inevitable, and probably cause minor inconveniences on top. I feel really useless.
Can anyone relate? How do you manage the regular life calls we all have to make without so much stress? Any ideas on lessening the anxiety or changing the mindset?
I also have a lot of anxiety about phone calls. Unfortunately, they’ve become an unavoidable part of my job and something I need to face often throughout my day, which acts as a sort of exposure therapy for me. Still, though, when I get a few days off, I go back into work and my first few phone calls cause my hands to shake and heart to race- very tangible anxiety symptoms for me. All I can say is the more I do it, the better I can face it, but i think a more helpful bit of advice is that coping skills that help manage emotional distress should help with severe and physical anxiety. One thing i like to use is temperatures- shoving my face or hands into a bowl of ice water physiologically chills my system down. I’m sorry you face these strong feelings. I hope you can find some way to manage this more comfortably.
Yes i definately have this too, i HATE being on the phone, i think its to do with anxiety for sure, i also hate people coming to visit at my house aswell, doesnt matter whether its people im close to or strangers, unless theyre my very closest i dont like it, its that on the spot feeling for me, you are definately not alone and im glad youve posted about it cos now i know its not just me lol, i feel like its part of social anxiety and a lack of confidence on my part xx
Wierdly, i work as a telephonist in a hospital, my job is on the phone but it doesnt bother me there because i have my work head on…
I can relate too. I am postponing necessary calls until they are unavoidable. Especially things i deal with rarely or don’t feel competent with. Like calling the roofer to fix the shed roof, order soil & gravel, urge professionals to come and do their work etc. I feel like an idiot.
At work i had no problem, it was part of the job and a role. it’s interesting that people told me my office voice is completely different from my private voice on the phone, they hardly recognized me when they called me at the office and not on my private phone.
i do like to call and talk to people i’m close though. i prefer texting with people in general when they are not close. i sometimes don’t answer calls and text back instead.
to prepare for calls that are stressing me out severely i make a script. i write down my request, the necessary informations to give, the questions to ask like offer, timeline etc. without that i forget half if it due to stress & being nervous.
i also do write an email in advance with all informations and ask for them to call me often. thus i feel less uncomfortable and split the process. i write down the information given during calls so i can recall what was talked about, my short term memory is bad whem i’m stressed, uncomfortable and nervous.
you are not alone! i agree this is a form of social anxiety. grounding techniques and being well prepared work for me, the procrastination got better over the years living alone and not being able to outsource those calls to my ex. i agree that practicing helps to lower the stress level and improve confidence. But it is still hard.
Thank you, everyone. I did imagine I couldn’t be the only one, so I’m glad to get your ideas and advice. I do agree practice helps, but I’d never thought of having a script, @erntedank , so thanks for that idea.
I did make one call this morning, and it went well, one issue sorted. For the other one, I caved and texted the number, but I didn’t get a reply so far. If it doesn’t come this afternoon, I’ll have to call… Ah well.
Here comes your applause for doing the call, i’m very proud of you
texting is fine, if there is no answer in time then call.
you did great
i make a skript for nearly everything, it helps me to stay focused … and keep procrastination a bit at bay. when there’s a skript my mind thinks the call is half done
same with to do / check lists by the way.
Yes!! I struggle with this so much. I can never make phone calls, and it affects my life way more than I wish it did. And it’s not just phone calls it’s doctor appointments, shopping, making plans, anything I need to do… I’ll avoid it because of the anxiety.
Sometimes I honestly think, If this is what sobriety feels like, I don’t want anything to do with it. But I know that’s my mental health talking, and I know things can get better. I just have to keep working on myself and my mental health.
Dear all phone-anxieters, thank you for your shares. They make me feel more seen, and they’ve given me some push to make the second call today. It’s perhaps to do with accountability, or perhaps with taking one for the team, but I did it. And of course, it was fine. It always is.
I’d like to encourage you to post here when you make those dreaded calls, if you think you would like to, for pats and solidarity. We’ll all be cheering you on.
I think sometimes just admitting/accepting that something makes you uncomfortable is the key instead of just internalising the dread and wishing it wasnt there, im glad it helped you to make those yucky calls
I have a plan for my calls now. Yesterday I was reading and came across someone talking about how they had anxiety until someone else needed them and I can 100% relate. I would never speak up if I wanted something but if my friend wants something I’ll speak up for her.
I’m going to pretend I’m making my calls on behalf of someone else.
I talk on the phone at work and answer off the cuff questions all the time so I can do this, I might just not want to do this for me.
I’m going to call to schedule an eye appointment, a dental appointment and a mammogram for my friend Emilie. Going in…
And I did it! 30 minutes later, 3 appointments scheduled. Thanks for this thread @Merryshoes, as usual talking out our fears and motivations helps us overcome them.
I was on a 12 minute hold to schedule one appointment and an automated voice kept coming on to ask if I wanted to be called back when it was my turn to schedule. As someone who avoids answering her phone as much as she avoids the calling out feature that was a hard pass from me. I stayed on the line. 30 minutes to the 3 phone calls I’ve been dreading for months/almost a year.
I am too. I prefer texting. Unfortunately most people don’t and only want calling. So lost contacts. And contacts are minimalized. No problems at work, then I am a professional. A different role. At home I only make a call when there is really no other possibility, otherwise my better half takes the task . I’m not trying to ‘heal’, I’m okay with this handicap.
Violet
It’s strange. At work I have to make calls and take calls all day and it doesn’t bother me. Even if the customer is super pissed off, which is quite often in my line of work. But when it comes to my personal phone I’m really avoidant and don’t answer any calls ever. I keep it silenced and texts on vibrate.
Like everyone else here, I definitely have some anxiety about phone calls. Mine comes in two forms…
I do business sales, and I hate to call a prospect. I would much rather go in person, since I have more ‘control’ over ways I can respond to the business decision maker - calls, without the ability to see their face or read the situation, is just super intimidating… freaks me out actually.
I hate to call certain people in my personal life - some people are so draining; so annoying in their manner - and they insist that I call instead of text or message… I guess it’s not anxiety per se; I just hate these motherf***ers (I kid, I kid … maybe? )
Yeah, I don’t think it’s the same thing. I also have an acquaintance whose calls I never pick up because she’s so negative about everything, and so self-absorbed that any conversation with her leaves me feeling drained and depressed. I need to build myself up to talk to her, and so I call her back only when I’m feeling strong and ready.
Oh my… I can relate to the phone anxiety (and I have no clue why I get like this). I will literally procrastinate day after day making phone calls. Ill write it down on my phone’s calender on my To Do list, only to keep moving the task from one day to the next. Eventually, I HAVE to make the call and then I find myself apologizing to them for responding back so late lol
Im fine with emails, im fine with text messages, but phone calls??.. Nope! Lol
My solution though (that usually works), is to literally just do it and make the call. I will bring up the number on my phone, and force myself to press the call button. Once it starts ringing, Im usually okay (bcuz I know if I hang up, they will call back as my number will show up on their phone). Its just the initally act of making that call that gets me. And I usually find that it really wasnt AS bad as I make it out to be
But certain people are harder to call then others. Calling off work? It is THE hardest for me to call… its number #1 on my list. I will literally sit there for like 20min staring at the number on my phone, trying to psych myself up to call lol. I laugh but its really actually frustrating.
Calling to cancel an appointment for me or my son is also hard.
I guess it comes down to people pleasing for me. Im afraid of disappointing the caller (whether thats cancelling an appt or calling off work).
Its nice to see others responses on this topic. Its helpful to know that its not just me lol
But I know that’s my mental health talking, and I know things can get better. I just have to keep working on myself and my mental health. 
I am too. I prefer texting. Unfortunately most people don’t and only want calling. So lost contacts. And contacts are minimalized. No problems at work, then I am a professional. A different role. At home I only make a call when there is really no other possibility, otherwise my better half takes the task 
… maybe? 
)