First off, Rich. I want to commend you for abstaining from P for the 84 days. Thank you for sharing. It’s clearly not been easy for you. Hang in there!
I want to lead you to an old thread of mine.
Because I relate to this so, so much. I’ve realized for myself, that simply stopping the behaviors wasn’t going to automatically make my cravings go away. The truth is that my urges, cravings were an extension of my lack of custody of my eyes and mind. The lust and fantasy led to cravings. And the cravings led to acting out.
I’m not going to speak for anyone else, only for myself. But I realized that it wasn’t enough for me to focus on the behaviors. In fact, the behaviors weren’t important. What was most important was what I was allowing to happen in my own mind. For I can turn a lot of things into porn. I can walk into a church full of old ladies, and turn that into porn. One can lock me up in a dark closet, and I can turn my fantasies into porn. So I learned that it wasn’t enough for me to just stop the behaviors.
I had to stop thinking about it…
If I don’t think it, I’m not going to do it. And thus, I won’t crave and I won’t cave. That’s my secret now. I stopped doing what I call The Hard Path, and discovered that with the help of God,
It’s easier to clean up my inside (lust and fantsy) knowing that it will lead to my outside also being clean rather than to
Clean up my outside (P and MB) hoping that some of that cleanliness might rub off on the inside.
Do I do this perfectly? No. But now, I win significantly more battles than I lose with lust and fantasy. And I take each battle very seriously, and thus, I will win this war.
I’m attaching a link to my toxicity meter.
It’s important that I pay attention to the state of my mind. Knowing that I can get a pretty big fix off of fantasy. My strategy is to be mindful of my brain’s toxicity level and to try to keep it low.
I don’t crave as much anymore because I don’t give myself permission to. For me, the cravings didn’t stop until I stopped the craving.
And yes. Go to meeting. That’s good advice to yourself.