Thank you and hope you are keeping well too.
A few weeks back I joined an adult baseball league here and this past weekend we had played a late game and I didn’t get back until midnight, and that messed with my sleep.
Day 3 today.
Thanks
1 Like
Hey everyone. I was just curious what people do as a daily practice for recovery from PMO. This to me feels so different than alcoholism which was what nearly killed me. I have the steps and daily practice of AA for that. I know there are similar programs for this, but I’m not sure if that’s my route for this in particular. Urges for this can be really rough and unlike substances this is something you do yourself and the ease of just grabbing your phone and giving in to it makes it even more accessible. Also what is considered recovered to you for this? I’m genuinely curious and trying to get as much information and wisdom as I can. Thanks
2 Likes
All good questions Mike.
I can only speak from my own perspective. I don’t think I will ever consider myself recovered. In the last week or so I feel like I have really accepted the reality of this addiction. Its with me for life.
What I have done about it is interesting and feeds into the work I have been doing over the last 3 years. It essentially boils down to:
-
Looking after myself physically (exercise, diet)
-
Looking after myself mentally (journalling, checking in here, talking about my feelings both at home and in therapy)
-
Setting guardrails around high risk times (when I am tired, stressed, bored, alone). This mainly involves me not using my phone at certain high risk situations.
Its not perfect but its limiting any desire to relapse.
I think a change of mindset has helped. I try not to think about “shoulds” any more. I just think about what I need, acknowledge it and advocate for it. No one owes me any of my needs but I owe myself to advocate for them, even if I don’t get what I want in the moment. I show up for myself.
2 Likes
I appreciate the reply. From the perspective of alcoholism I know I wake up an alcoholic every day even though it’s been over a year and half sober and the mental desire for a drink all the time is gone. Accepting the addictions helps. I do my best to take care of myself and I’m in therapy also. I finally opened up to my therapist a little while ago about this being an issue for me. It’s two things mainly. The days where it occupies my mind too much and the times where I just go too far with masturbating and end up paying for an adult site or going back to porn and feeling terrible about it. Those times aren’t very frequent, but the mental desire just to feel like I have to release sexual tension is. I like the barrier thing you mentioned. The times for me are pretty obvious. Do you do anything or have you done anything to make it access to your phone less convenient? The tough part is I will just give in sometimes even if I tried setting the boundary to not using phone
2 Likes
Those 3 points @Staringupfromthewell wrote about are excellent. I practise all of them in some shape or form.
When I started my recovery journey I was in therapy. It helped me to understand how my mind works and recognise thought and behaviour patterns. We discussed underlying issues, like my beliefs about sexuality, my sexual maturation and a reoccurring sexual trauma during that time. It was such a liberating experience to have a safe place to finally bring those things to light. I was no longer bound by shame.
As for coping in the daily, I found the most critical situations when I’m highly likely to act out. We discussed alternative ways to diffuse those situations, like distracting myself, changing my inner dialogue etc. There was a time when I used a block word, which is a random and mundane word, that I said to myself when intrusive thoughts came. Saying a block word is a bit like “talk to the hand coz the head ain’t listening” approach.
I’m a somewhat data driven person, so after a while in recovery, I decided to educate myself about sex and porn industry through (research) literature and testimonials. The reality of the industry is so much worse than we dare to imagine. So much suffering, brokenness and modern day slavery. Suicides. Children. I read until I couldn’t, until my heart was broken for these people stuck in a living hell. I wanted to see its true face so that my addiction couldn’t allure me and get it twisted anymore.
I do struggle with urges but not as often anymore. It helps to have a safe partner and an active sex life. I need to be mindful of what I watch. If I catch myself slipping, I’m posting about it here to keep myself accountable. Recovery is a lifestyle that helps us to grow as people and to love ourselves and the people around us.
Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk
4 Likes
Thank you. The block word idea is interesting. I like that. I’m realizing this is going to take more work than I wanted it to be. I spent so much time building my substance sobriety so anything else seemed like too much. I’ve honestly been a little worried about focusing too much on this and neglecting the work I do to maintain and grow in recovery from alcoholism. Either way I appreciate the suggestions. I want as many tools as I can get
2 Likes
I think it was wise of you to first tackle alcohol issues and get some sober time under your belt. Surely it feels like a lot to take on another big thing. It’s a good decision, tho, so that you don’t end up swapping substance abuse to sexual addiction. I’d like to think that eventually these recoveries will support each other as you develope as person.
Yeah I mean alcohol nearly killed me and it wrecked quite a bit in my life and my mind. Excessive masturbation has been a quiet struggle for even longer than I struggled with alcohol. Same idea that I didn’t see it as a problem for a while though. Recovery has taught me how to recognize those problems. It might not have harmed my life or affected others to the extent that alcohol did for me, but the mental part of it is bad enough that I need a change. And absolutely to your point I don’t want to end up trading addictions
1 Like
Trauma from being molested at 7 by my 17 year old cousin. Led me to a life of sex addiction. Porn consumed my life, masturbating often and frequently. Lets to cheating on my wife several times. We are currently separated. I started SAA, started going to church and rededicated my life to God. I was 163 day sober then my father passed away. I relapse to masturbating with no porn. Im currently at day 7.
I want to be a better and not relapse. I miss my wife. And if we ever get back together. I want to be the man and husband she always deserve.
3 Likes
Hi there. I’m truly sorry for the trauma you’ve endured. Exposing a child to sexual material and/or activity is devastating and can have long term effects. I’m glad you’re getting help because healing is possible.
How is SAA working for you? I hope you are benefiting from it. Would you be open to consider also getting professional help to deal with that said trauma? Peer support might not be sufficient.
You need focus on your recovery and grieving process before mending things with your ex. It’s not just about your recovery. She needs to heal too, and that is her personal journey with an unknown destination.
You have a lot going on right now. I’m so sorry about your father. Even if you’d feel your life is in ruins, there is always hope. You can’t rebuild in a day or two but you can build something better than what you used to have. One day at a time.
2 Likes
Today’s day 7 in my recovery, it hasn’t been easy but I bless God.
There’s this complacency, this mental silence that makes it look like there’s no in-between in the desire for pleasure and the action chosen/taken to satisfy the desire…that’s a huge part of the problem
Accepting and understanding the desires (I mean distilling it down to the initial biological, not maliciously intended form) and a good knowledge of how bad and messed up the direction your brain has learnt to funnel the desire in is, like @Olivia mentioned(how messed up the industry is and the effect of longterm or otherwise use of porn on the mind and also the effect of preference and prioritisation of solo stimulation on intimacy with partner ability to connect)
I also really feel like I’m having withdrawal symptoms, I’ve been feeling jittery and uncomfortable all through today, like I’ve been holding something back, a bit like how it is when you’ve been holding back pee for a long time or holding yourself back from eating.
I don’t know If withdrawals are a thing for PMO
1 Like
I can’t remember reading scientific lit about PMO withdrawals, so this is an uneducated opinion. Our mind is a powerful “organ”. When you cease to do something you’ve practised heavily before, it does create a void. Sex is not only a physical but also an emotional and, dare I say, a spiritual activity. I wouldn’t be surprised if you found yourself “out of sync”. There are no quick fixes. What comes to mind is that you could find things that regulate your hormonal responses. There are other pleasures beside sexual.
2 Likes
Day 9 on my recovery from PMO, I slept super early so I woke up like 3am.
I used scrolling media and also used my phone in the bathroom but didn’t look anything I’m not supposed to, just normal videos and posts. Both of these are things I decided not to do any more so I’ll be resetting the timer on my scrolling media abstinence streak.
I decided a while ago to replace movies and scrolling media with reading books and watching pre-downloaded podcasts on my pc with the Internet disonnected.
I have been reading actually and enjoying it too, but I’ve not been following through with staying away properly from scrolling and bathroom phone use.
I’ll try to do better by God’s grace, hope to check in again soon.
The temptation to act out feels like the urge to just “relax“ and get “more comfortable“, I hate that it feels like that and not like war
.
3 Likes
Yess actually, thank you.
I’ll keep working on the last thing you said
2 Likes
Day 10 on my recovery from PMO and the damage it’s done over the years. 1 day free from social media scrolling.
Some times, I think to myself and smile knowing that(other than a friend who’s usually quite busy) no one around me really knows what or how I’m fighting everyday, I’m like some undercover super hero keeping the world free from one more addict letting this ruin his life.
But you guys know…that feels nice.
2 Likes
If anyone wants a free way to block images on YouTube, perhaps you’re getting bombarded with salacious advertisements, the Brave browser has a blocker for it on mobile so you just see titles.
2 Likes
I took a break from doing something and decided to use social media, oended up scrolling…I went 3 days without that and I had to reset it today…
I’m being accountable here about this because I know it’s one of the strongest triggers I used to have…puts me in a more agreeable state to act out.
I felt I should be able to use social media without entering that rabbit hole zone where it feels like you have no plan for stopping.
Then again I’m someone who can get distracted by and carried away by my fingernails adhd and all.
I’d feel like a nail caught some thread, check it out then inspect all the other finger on both hands and then when I’m done and notice what’s in front of me I mentally go “Oh I was doing this“.
Still 3 days without bathroom phone usage…
Also, if some of this is TMI, please just let me know.
Guys I really don’t want to have to talk to my wife again. I really don’t want to have to admit this is a problem. I sincerely cannot conceive how I ever get away from this. I am very scared. I don’t see how I can keep having this conversation. I don’t see why she keeps dealing with it.
2 Likes
First time here… currently 8 minutes clean. I’m ready to take my life back.
6 Likes
Welcome to the forum!
1 Like