PMO - Porn, Masturbation, Recovery

Hey everyone!

I’m starting this new group for all those struggling with this new drug. This darkness that has ruined, and continues to ruin the lives of many. I speak of pornography in ALL of its forms.

From a very early age I was exposed to sexual stimuli - sexually abused at 3 years old, left alone to figure out and understand what I’d experienced with nowhere to turn, I began acting out with others my same age and got into a lot of trouble for it. At age 9 I was exposed to pornography for the first time on an elementary school playground. At age 10, I was exposed to pornographic graffiti in a bathroom stall, then encountered pornography in my dad’s garage and work vehicle. At age 15, I began experimenting with masturbation and internet pornography. Since then, I’ve had my good years and my bad years… During this pandemic, I fell hard into pornography and spent hundreds of dollars on therapy to finally break free.

Now, I want to share my healing journey with everyone else. You see, I’ve experienced that darkness first hand. I know what it’s like to feel trapped and unable to break free. I know what it’s like to promise over and over that I’ll finally stop only to cave in less than 8 hours. I’ve broken hearts, shattered dreams, and felt a deep sense of shame, regret, and guilt that would bring down even the strongest of men. But I’m here to tell you, there is hope for you! YOU CAN BREAK FREE. Once I learned the power of mindfulness, connection, honesty, and accountability, I FINALLY broke free of my addiction. I’m not perfect, I still struggle every day, but if I can help others by forming this online brotherhood of like minded individuals searching for freedom, then my recovery can last a lifetime.

Whoever you are, I’m here. Come sit by my :fire:. Share in each other’s recovery and be free.

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I’m grateful for my recovery today. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to surround myself with positive people who are also on the road of recovery. As I approach 90 days sober, I’ve realized how far I’ve come as well as how far I still have to go. I’m not the same person I was 3 months ago, I’ve had a change of heart which has propelled me forward in a major way.

That being said, I still have my rough days. Sometimes I see something on social media that can be sexually stimulating and have that immediate primal desire to look, and some days I don’t have any temptation whatsoever, but I’ll be faced with regrets of all the time I spent in my addiction. Sometimes I fear that person; I fear becoming him again. But then I remember the progress I’ve made and realize that I still have to face my fears, depressions and anxieties in healthy ways. I need to continually reach out for healing.

Wherever you find yourself today, remember that true healing is possible. It will take time, it will take focus, it will take dedication, but you can achieve the impossible. You can break free of the darkness!

Come sit by my :fire:, share your stories, and be free.

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It’s so awesome to see you in such a better state than ever before. If I’m not mistaken, your 90 day mark is only 3 days away. We have to plan a party :slightly_smiling_face:

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I am finally walking the road of recovery. Once I realized I needed help and reached out for therapy, support, and true connection, THAT’S when my wheels stopped spinning and I was able to break free. Looking back, I now see how awful that darkness was and I want to help others see the light. If I can help just one brother or sister find the light, my recovery will be that much sweeter.

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Congrats bro. Great to see you on the road to recovery, heck we all are. I’m 36 days into my recovery… and was exposed to hard-core porn tapes my dad had to this day is the worst I’ve seen. I was 9 out 10 years old. It wrecked my brain, destroyed my self worth, gave me all types of issues I wouldn’t understand to later on life.i confronted my dad about it and what having that in his house did to me and my sister and he made a joke about it. 30 years… I’ve tried everything to stop. Nothing helped. Until EasyWay. Sometimes you come across things in life that just make sense. Halfway done with the book I was done forever and you couldn’t tell me otherwise. It was like the switch was turned off… all the brainwashing exposed… and to look again would be like drinking bleach. That was it. The end. I’ve since re read my notes. I’ve had no withdrawals. I will keep my blockers on my phone and still stay off social media… one book can’t erase 30 years of exposure. But I don’t need it and I don’t want to put myself in harms way. I’m just done. I will check in every single day. It’s therapeutic to talk with people on the same journey. Keep fighting!

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Well done brother! I know that heartache of family sourced exposure. I used to sneak and throw my dad’s magazines away, but when you’re 10-12 years old, there’s only so much resilience you can express. I used to go look at dad’s bikini model calendar every day after school in fourth grade. I never understood what it would do to me…

I also understand what it’s like to finally have that breaking point where you say enough is enough. Porn is destructive mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. Stay accountable, keep working the steps, keep doing the therapy. I’m praying for you brother!

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Appreciate it bro! Have a great evening

90 days ago, I experienced one of the worst relapses of my life. It broke my wife’s heart and filled me with shame and regret so heavy, I felt as though I’d been smothered with heavy wet carpet. I couldn’t eat, I could barely focus on work; music lost it’s savor, my self esteem dropped like a stone, and during the worst of it, I wished for death. I wasn’t willing to take my own life, but I wished for my life to end. I remember staring at the ceiling as I lay upon the floor… Minute by minute, hour by hour… Filled with self hate; filled with self loathing.

As a religious man, I got on my knees many times and begged for forgiveness. I begged to be set free. I begged to not lose my family because of my stupidity, but the pain and regret didn’t go away…

The shame and self hate stayed around me like a dense fog. Finally I went to my ecclesiastical leader, signed up for an intensive 10 week group therapy for masturbation and pornography, and started attending every Wednesday night. It was there that I began developing the tools for sustained recovery. I got to the root cause of my addiction and determined to change my life for the better. I did what I could to patch the holes I made in my marriage, formed connections with other brothers who were also struggling in darkness, and slowly began building hope where there was none, I began forming a wellness plan to prevent future relapse and pressed forward with the determination of a bull. I would change my life and never let myself fall into that pit again.

With all my progress; with all the success I’ve had, it’s still not enough for me. You see, that darkness stole 30 years of my life… And now I’m angry. It’s not enough for me to simply recover and walk away, I want my revenge on the darkness. I want to bring others out of that dark abyss - others who, like me, have struggled against the ropes for so long. If I can help bring others to the light, then my thirst for vengeance will be satisfied.

So if you find yourself in that pit of darkness, I’m here for you. Come forth out of the dark and sit by my :fire:. You don’t have to be alone anymore. You can be healed.

You can be free.

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Congratulations on 90 days. You’re awesome!

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I absolutely loved that post. Got me so hype I feel like working out! Thats what I’m talking about. Getting to the root of your issues, breaking free, then help others break free!!! We will all get to 365 together!

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Hope you don’t mind if I drop in. I’m walking the road to freedom from this poison of porn. So set on staying free. My toughest struggle is keeping the right frame of mind as time away from this drug increases as I find myself losing sight of the strong reasons I had for stopping in the first place. Reality vs fantasy and illusory urges.

How do you guys stay clear minded and focused. I guess the longer you stay away the clearer the thoughts and clarity?

Anyway, I’d find it really helpful to post on this group frequently to share this journey and keep me on the straight and narrow.

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Join my fire brother! :fire:

I understand you. Clarity of mind is so important in remaining clean and sober from any addiction. When I was in the deepest throws of porn, I would get so pumped up and tell myself, YES! Today is the day I break free! But then when the going gets tough and I was faced with the realities of life, the fantasies and lies of porn would call to me. My resolve would quickly dissipate, and I would find myself late into the early morning hours looking at pages and pages of sexual material… Never satisfied, always hungry… Only clean for at most a few days.

But then I found two things that broke the cycle: connection, and mindfulness. In group, I was able to find and make connections with other brothers who also struggled in the dark. Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone, I could confide in them everything I was going through. I found a strength in numbers that lessoned my desire for porn. Then through mindfulness, I was able to see porn for what it really was - a drink that would never satisfy my thirst for lust. I began training my mind to see porn as nothing more than a harmless paper tiger. It could never hurt me or my family again if I never picked it up in the first place.

Find connection with others who struggle. I’m always here! If you can connect with others in your life, do so! Also try to meditate and practice mindfulness. YouTube has tons of mindfulness videos. Learn, practice, be patient with yourself, and always remain accountable.

Glad to have you here!

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I can second what @BeardedSandMan said. Particularly, when he mentions mindfulness. I like to refer to it as custody of my mind. Entertaining fantasies and craving is very dangerous for me. I can get pretty high just off of that. But how do I stop?

And as mentioned before, it all begins with understanding the LIE of porn. For decades, I assumed porn had value; that I was making a sacrifice by giving it up; that I was depriving myself of a pleasure that was 10 times better than anything I’ve ever felt. I was brainwashed. Porn had hijacked my brain.

The reality is that porn has no value. It has zero benefit. It does nothing for me. Except make me want more and cause trauma in my life. I thought I was getting pleasure by using it, but the only pleasure that I truly got from it was a pleasure of relieving the withdrawal pangs that were caused by the addiction to begin with. And that’s not pleasure. That’s a lie; an illusion; a miserable existence.

Porn may be cunning and baffling, but I refuse to believe anymore that it’s powerful. How can something with zero value have any power? The only power it has is the power that I give it. No longer is sobriety this long, trying ordeal equivalent to climbing Mount Everest. No longer do I assign value to porn by confessing that I’ll always be addicted for the rest of my life. Since porn has no value, and thus, no power, choosing sobriety is easy. I’m not even going to desire it, much less crave it. Why crave something that has no value?

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Right on the money, brother. The more power we give porn, the more control it has over our lives. It’s like a type of fishing lure called a Maka-feke; a rock with several sea shells attached to it, which Tongans use to catch octopus. The amazing thing is the Maka-feke doesn’t have a hook, the octopus simply reaches out and grabs ahold of it thinking it’s a tasty meal. The octopus basically catches itself.

Porn is the same way. The lure is only as powerful as we make it. All we have to do is recognize that it has no power, and never grab ahold of it again.

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After 20 years + of porn addiction…after eazyway method…I expose any thoughts…former triggers…old habits…for what they are: brainwashing…trying to get me to look at something that’s the equivalent to drinking bleach. Who in their right mind would drink bleach? That’s what porn is…drinking bleach that will kill your world from the inside out… it almost destroyed everything. Almost. I’m still here. 42 days in it has no hold on me. No withdrawals…no cravings. …like throwing it in the trash… its just over. I am nothing special bro… i just found a good book through @KevinesKay that clicked and changed everything. There are no real triggers… who actually is triggered to go to there laundry room and drink bleach? It’s that brain washing.

Let me be clear… I’m still not on social media. I don’t do Instagram Facebook tic tok … none of that. I don’t want to be overconfident and act like I can be a normal person again and just surf the net like the past 20 years never happened. I protect myself… my eyes… and see people as people. See a cute girl? So what. I literally say to myself " just another human keep it moving bro". I’m married I have no excuse. I’m trying to give my wife 20 years of all of me mind and body to make up for the 20 years of nonsense and porn.

Bro… you got this. We all do. I will check in everyday. Post your challenges struggles whatever I’m always game to help out.

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Thank you all so much for the advice and your openness! I get it. Porn is such a lie which holds no value and once I take hold of it it just keeps regenerating itself with more and more lies and hours of wasted living and hurt (to us and everything of value in our lives). When we choose to pick it up we fall back into the slippery pit losing sight of the sweet light of freedom. Like a caged bird we forget the joy of what it is so fly lifes path of truth and authenticity.

The best times in my life are by far when I have not indulged in this poison, in this bleach. It has zero value. Today I am free and finished with it. Thank you. Just holding myself accountable like this is fantastic. This group is a powerful weapon!

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Just checking in. Positive day with no acting out or struggle. Feels great. Hope all is going well with this whole group!

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That’s good bro happy you’re doing well. I’ve had a good day so far today is day 43 feeling good feeling positive. Have a great day everyone!

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Just doing a check in - still going strong, although it’s not without its challenges.

I was at the gym yesterday and saw a really pretty girl working out. She was wearing some fairly revealing clothing and it was hard to concentrate on anything else, but it’s ok that she’s there.

You see, temptation is going to be all around us; at the store, at the gym, on the train, in the office, at the restaurant, etc. The triggers will never go away. And that’s ok! The thing is, I don’t have to give them that power. If I’m attracted to someone, it’s ok that I recognize that beauty for what it is. There’s no harm in this because sexual desire is a natural part of being human. The only difference is I don’t have to dwell on the sexual thoughts. If one comes up, I can simply watch it float away and I can go back to focusing on the task at hand. I rarely truly lust now days… Instead, I simply recognize beauty and move on.

Remember, the Maka-feke is only as strong as you make it. If you never grab ahold of those lustful thoughts, they cannot hurt you. Yes they will always be there just outside our focus, but as long as we don’t give it power over our minds, we can be truly free.

The fire is warm, brothers. Stay safe out there. :fire:

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I’ve gotten really good at not looking altogether. If I’m walking into a Target store, for instance, and I start practicing the 3 second rule with all 500 women in the store, well, that’s way too much. My eyes and mind are fragile. They can handle only so much stimuli before they overheat. That’s okay. I learned that if I take care of my mind and eyes, and protect them, they can function quite well. So it’s just easier for me not to look then it is to look without lusting.

When I’m directly interacting with a woman such as at the store register, then I will look at her, but that’s only like a couple dozen times. I can handle that, but not 500 or 1000.

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