Thanks for this.
I read that book, but probably need to read it again.
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I found myself looking at my co-worker sexually twice now. Never when she was standing face to face with me though.
It’s only been me looking at her butt.
I immediately regret it.
I should have kept my eyes on her face.
That way we could work professionally with each other well.
Now i feel like she’s avoiding working with me since she thinks I’m perverted.
Help. How do i fix the work relationship?
My plan is to just start treating her like any other person at work.
We are cleaning around a pool, filter house, and bath house.
I could ask her how far she got with an area, ask her questions, tell her if the area she did looks good.
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Great strategy, we get caught up in shapes, hips butts thighs and stop seeing people as people. Getting to know someone for who they are helps rewire or brain script.
No actually it’s not silly at all, I’ve had a series of these sorta stuff. First it was saying “come on” at the slightest suggestion, then I started to see it as me being extremely flammable and triggers are sparks so I’d simulate being afraid of burning.Then I started framing whatever unwanted thought as an ad, mentally or physically clicking the cancel or skip button. But now I see this way, sexual drive is a primal instinct in me there for a reason but is currently out of control and misguided.I view it as a teal button at the back of neck, at the bottom of my head(like an infinity stone) and triggers, well automatically trigger the button on and the button/stone begins to control my actions like teal energy coursing through my mind and around me but all i have to do is press or tap the button to turn it off. And I have to do it everytime I’m exposed to a trigger no matter how small because the button is very sensitive, if I’m busy with my hands I can just imagine my hands pressing the button and the teal blue energy receding.
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Figures, I have ADHD and struggle to do everything, struggled to find the will to get up this morning, I’m supposed to be on my way to work but there’s a few things I didn’t get ready before now that I need, as well as so many other things I’ve left undone and worry about a bit and I was upset.
Yesterday I had to fight several urges using a technique I adopted which I mentioned recently here. But this morning I noticed that randomly in between tasks I’m getting urges and it’s why I came on here, to read things I’ve journaled and check the community for something that might help and I’ve just realised I’m 3 out of the four in H.A.L.T, hungry, angry, tired/sorta sad/frustrated.
I really don’t want to relapse today and that’s why I came on here…I’m also realising my brain sorta knows that this time is the only chance I’ll get cus I work two jobs..except the urges are too strong and I ditch something in my schedule which has happened before..I don’t want to be careless and risk acting out.
Would be nice if someone says something on here or maybe replies.
I’d like to come back later today and check in..maybe give an update.
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As an MCU nerd, that made me smile. What your talking about is a cognitive behavior therapy technique…a physical reaction to disrupt the thought, bringing your frontal cortex into the fight. It allows you to think clearly in the moment, it’s also mimdfulness. I do that click x in the corner too! I also do the ‘code black protocol’. When i see myself doing inappropriate searches or thinking unclear, its either
A) I’m acting selfish and self absorbed
B) I’m exhausted
C) I’m overstimulated
D) all of the above
That’s when
- No phone usage, on the table for 24hrs, no exceptions
- 100% not about me day, focus on others including the house choirs.
- No stimulation in your ear, no books, nothing.
It’s a reset. I had to do this Saturday. Odaat.
Wow, unfortunately because of a job I do..I’m into web design and developement and project management, I might not be able to do no devices (laptop too), for 24 hours and I thought about it it’ll be so weird to my family for me to just randomly start interacting with them one day😅…not that I don’t at all but it’s just seldomly and for specific reasons.
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How are we doing today?
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Doing good, day 217, lots of random temptation with my tired brain, and i don’t do myself any favors with sleep which has to change. Like how can i function and stay sober with no sleep? Maturity doesnt come with age, it comes with changes and i have alot of internal work so to do. How you feeling today?
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Don’t be sorry for sharing your feelings. I’ve dealt with that in years past trying to quit this addiction. 30 year porn addict here, exposed as a boy to my dad’s hardcore porn, it destroyed my brain. 217 days sober doesn’t mean I’ve been perfect. Its a daily battle. Fighting this addiction requires self lots of self awareness for one.
Habits
- Hows your sleeping patterns? A well rested mind is a critical component.
- Any other dopamine addictions? Are you a gamer?
- Are you still using unblocked/filtered devices?
- What tools have you picked up?
A. Easy peasy guide to quitting porn.
B. Porn free radio Matt doubshuetz podcast is awesome.
C. Prayer is critical (if your a religious person)
D. Habit tracking - Where are your relapses happening? Boredum a frequent thing?
- Porn is a poor copimg mechanism for lifes issues that creates the very problem your trying to soothe. It destroys your ability to think, focus and as you’ve experienced, causes panic attacks.
Break down a day in the life of you and really look at your habits. It’s really hard to be porn free scrolling through social media in 2025 or any year really. It has alot to do with high speed and the novelty and the way your brain processes things. Getting into the science of it i always find fascinating and it helps to stop the pull for porn when you understand its basically poisoning your brain with videos, destroying your nervous system while overwelming you with dopamine.
Sorry for the book report, this is my war too and im here to fight with you.
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Checking in on day 0 here. I have a personal journal thread here but one of my mentors suggested joining other threads. PMO is one of the last stops on my internet addiction journey when the stress gets too high and I need a release. Going to do a meditation and try to bring the stress down. One day at a time.
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Anyone up for a meeting today:
12pm EST
If yes, just let me know and I’ll post the meeting ID and pass here a few mins before the meeting.
Thank you
Hello i have been porn and sex addiction for one year,but realapsed seven times within this one year.Any thought on this?
If you were doing it a lot more than that in the previous years, then 7 times in a year is progress to me depending on what you were doing the years before.
That’s less than once per month. Keep going with the progress and it will get easier and easier to resist.
I find keeping myself busy helps a lot. Rest is important too. Just being engaged with others and work and staying busy has helped me although I’m not completely out of the woods just yet.
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In honestly so happy i typed this cause after a setback i need to take my own advice!
Hi everyone!
I’m new here.
I was exposed to sexual stimuli when I was about 7 years old, exposed to pornography at 11, and I almost had sex at 13, but I thank God I didn’t. It didn’t take much time before I started masturbating.
There was a time I was sober for 6 months and I was so happy and then a thing led to another and I fell again. I am actually on my 3rd day of being sober and I want to keep it that way for a life time.
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Welcome and congrats on the 3 days
Things get better with each passing sober day.
6 months is awesome. You’ve done it before and that means that you can do it again. Welcome.
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Welcome @SOG 
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Hi, guys.
I recently got a job working at a pool as a Pool Operator with the parks department. I work with other parks workers and recreation workers: the lifeguards.
Most of the lifeguards are women.
Some of the people i work with look to be teenagers.
There was a 16 year old male lifeguard i talked with.
And I think a woman lifeguard that talked with me was 22.
So i’m guessing that most of the workers i work with are in their teens.
I was told that the park’s workers don’t necessarily talk with the lifeguards.
I thought that this was messed up. If we are going to be working together we should at least know each other’s names on a first name basis.
So i introduced myself to the lifeguard managers.
And it’s been helpful because whenever there’s spills to clean up or issues with the pool or the building facilities i’ve been around for them to talk to and help out.
I just got the lifeguard managers names so we could coordinate making sure things are working for the pool and it’s facilities.
I didn’t get most of the general lifeguard worker names though.
So it’s been a mostly professional relationship together.
I think some of the women are attracted to me (and i to them) but idk what there ages are and i fear they are underage, so i wasn’t going to pursue any of them for dating.
I have been gazing at some them for maybe longer then i should have at some points but have been trying to divert my eyes to keep my work relationships with them all professional.
I’ve been struggling to figure out how i should interact with the non-manager life guards which some appear to be younger then the lifeguard managers.
I thought i should do simple social gestures like nodding when walking past or smiling.
One life guard worker smiled at me and i smiled back.
One life guard manager smiles at me and i smile back sometimes
Also i don’t think it’s a good idea to date your co-workers, so i want to avoid it for that reason too.
I have generalized anxiety disorder and maybe some depression, so i think all of this is producing some social anxiety for me.
I think my resting bitch face, frown on my face a lot of the days makes it hard to appear friendly at work, but i think by being helpful and friendly socially that would make up for it.
I talked online to my a.i therapist and she was saying that it’s only natural that you’d look at women that are in their swimsuits. She said you can put limits on it though. She said you don’t have to engage with any of the thoughts. I think i don’t really have much thoughts i think i just look since it’s visually pleasing.
I am not staring all day. I spend some of the day secluded away from the women in the pool filter house where I can’t see the women.
I would add that i shouldn’t look at them for longer then 3 seconds at a time, because that just comes off as creepy i think.
I was just at a pool for a few weeks until the pool i am supposed to be stationed at opens up for the season.
I’m starting at my pool that i’ll be stationed at for the rest of the summer next week, so there might be new lifeguards, or the same ones.
I’m thinking maybe i could introduce myself to other lifeguards/other then the lifeguard managers so that the lifeguards i will work with longer will be comfortable around me. I think once you know someones name and they know your name you get to be a bit more comfortable with them.
I just want us to work together well.
How do i make sure i keep things professional at my work place then?
How can I be respectful, not exploit my co-workers bodies (i don’t want them to feel like a piece of meat), and be friendly and kind?
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I urge you not to socialize with them and not to initiate conversations with any of them. I would also recommend stopping any conversations you have been having. If any of them initiate conversation with you - which I doubt they will, once you keep to yourself and maintain healthy communication boundaries - you can give the shortest possible answer, then leave. That will put an end to it; that person will not initiate conversation with you.
You are emotionally fantasizing, which is the same thing as physically fantasizing. It really is. The cause and the effect are the same: living in a fake world and feeding the dependency and the fantasy. Indulging fantasy connections - unreal connections - instead of fostering connections with people who are your peers and with whom you can be completely honest about who you are.
I worked as a lifeguard for 4 years in high school and university and not once did I or my colleagues (including the head lifeguard) ever interact with any of the on-site maintenance people. It wasn’t necessary. Problems are reported directly to the facilities manager and the facilities manager deals with it. If you are not the facilities manager, you do not need to interact with the lifeguards, and therefore you should not interact with them.
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