PMO - Porn, Masturbation, Recovery

Life in Recovery
, , , ,
2075

When something emotionally impactful or meaningful happens, your brain encodes the memory more deeply. This could be why certain images or performers stick vividly in your mind.

​It’s completely natural to wish you could “turn off” certain parts of your memory when they become overwhelming. Techniques like mindfulness meditation, journaling, or therapy can help you process and manage memories that feel intrusive or overwhelming.
Also building new memories and engaging with the present can help your brain balance old memories with new experiences.

6 Likes
2076

Day 10 of no Porn, no Masturbation, no dating apps

image
image1206×1750 269 KB

5 Likes
2077

On day 16 and I’m irritable AF. Help! :weary_face:

4 Likes
2078

I hear you. Being irritable is a valid emotion. You can welcome it but it doesn’t need to stay.

Have you considered HALT? Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

Could you sit with your irritability? Where does it come from? Whom does it concern? Perhaps you need to affirm yourself and show a little compassion.

Connect with someone. A friend or someone you trust. Share your feelings if you can.

6 Likes
2079

Loneliness. I don’t really have a lot of ppl to talk to.

I’m going through a challenging time with the wife, too. She’s my biggest trigger at the moment.

I’m overthinking.

3 Likes
2080

I‘m sorry you experience loneliness. I know the feeling so well…

We are here for you. Sending a warm hug :people_hugging:

What gives you usually a feeling of connection?

2 Likes
2081

Hey @GOKU_SS4

I know loneliness well. Some things that have helped me are fitness classes. I’m not obligated to be social but I’m still around people. Also, it gets me out of my head and into my body so it also helps with the overthinking. Meetings help a bit too. Or call family or even friends you haven’t connected with in a while.

Also, keep reaching out here. We’ll help as much as we can.

3 Likes
2082

Question for my PMO addicts. I recently realized that I wasn’t so much addicted to porn, as I was addicted to masturbation.

I was never like ‘I need to look at porn’. But I did crave the need for release of stress, tension, anxiety, boredom (you know the list).

Do you crave the porn itself? Or the temporary release it provides?

2 Likes
2083

I am fresh on this journey and figuring this all out myself and I can say that the porn itself was not the main focus. I struggle with the masturbation and orgasm component to this equation. Which makes sense to me, given my childhood traumas surrounding sexual exploration and identity.

2 Likes
2084

Thanks, man. I gotta get out more and find other people to connect with.

I’ve been exercising like a mad man, but the body can only handle so much.

I hope you’re doing well.

1 Like
2085

I forgot to ask you. I know you’ve been clean for a while. When did you start feeling better? Do the urges subside after a certain number of days?

1 Like
2086

I don’t experience much for urges anymore. I mean lust is still there but the urge to act out is thankfully minimal. Maybe that’s age to some degree but also I credit a lot of that to my step work.

Plus I’ve been down that road enough to know that giving in to the urges leads nowhere.

Also, I’m a lot like an alcoholic. I can’t take that first look. I can’t browse Instagram models. I can’t just do one little peek. I have a problem and the more I give in the the obsession the less I’m able to keep focus on the day to day things that matter.

4 Likes
2087

I craved for both. It gave me gratification and an escape when I was struggling with difficult emotions, boredom and loneliness. Porn and masturbation became linked so early on in my growing up that I couldn’t (still can’t) have one without the other.

5 Likes
2088

For me, the urges (along with the relapses) were a sign, a symptom that there were other deeper rooted problems within me that needed to be identified and addressed.

In other words, just stopping a behavior for a certain time wasn’t going to automatically take away my urges. Watch my journey here on TS for the past decade, and you’ll witness how I white knuckled it for stretches lasting over 200 days numerous times.

Only until I identified (with the help of God) and addressed various root problems (such as toxic shame, a faulty paradigm, brainwashing), did I then have the ability and power to make better choices for myself and be intrinsically motivated to condition my eyes, mind, and behavior to align my sexuality with reality.

As long as those root problems were unresolved, they were destined to continue working against me undermining and sabotaging my conscience efforts to stop the behaviors. No amount of viewing relapse as the enemy worked for me.

Thus, relapse stopped becoming the real problem for me. Instead, it became the gift that forced me to expand my connection with other men, to demonstrate value for myself instead showing up in life oozing with shame, to show up in relationships embracing my masculinity while encouraging both comfort and attraction, to see this new way of living as a chance to enhance my own contentment, to take my relationship with God to a deeper level; one that emphasizes making Him my Lord and not just my savior.

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point,but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything, not even for $1,000,000,000. I would do it all over again if I had the chance to live my life over again. This has been the one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. You’re on a great journey here. If you seek to live a life that is lust and PMO free, you seek a good thing. You seek a very good thing indeed.

A lust-free life really is a great life.

5 Likes
2089

So in full disclosure, I’m just avoiding porn. I do have a counter on MO but I am not restricting it. I allow for it once a week and do not engage in thoughts about porn during the act. It’s also gotta be in the evenings. Maybe that will change but that’s my approach for now.

Everyone is different. And I recognize that my way is not the way that works for all. I’m not advocating anyone change their approach to sexual sobriety.

For me I reframed cravings. Rather than thinking “ugh, here we go again, the pervert is on his hamster wheel…” I’d start to think, “what’s going on with me that the addict wants to bury my feelings with this distraction?” whether it’s someone I saw and immediately fell in love with or a desire to escape work drudgery to browse Instagram…It’s just data that I need to process. I don’t need to feel shame or woe about a craving. They’re there and I am human. Having a drive to engage in sex is part of it. I wouldn’t want to be without those feelings. But I’m different in that I need to develop deep mindfulness around it.

7 Likes
2090

@KevinesKay @Mtrav0040 Ty for the replies

1 Like
2091

I f’d up. Made it to Day 17 and cracked. I thought I had it under control after talking to an old friend from S&P anonymous, but the urges were too strong. I felt like I was going crazy. I was acting like an idiot around my family. Fkin hell.

I didn’t watch P, but I acted out.

I need to come up with a better plan.

Shits embarrasing even talkin about relapsing.

2 Likes
2092

The journey is a marathon. Every day wont be good or perfect. Struggles are part of the journey. You got this.

1 Like
2093

Thank you.

I’ll keep on trying.

1 Like
2094

This might be something to journal about. Why do you have this thought? What happened?

I can say that my thoughts can lead me to think that I am “less than.” That my embarrassing situations or my mistakes are proof of what an unlovable moron I am.

Truth is, that’s not true. I’m just a human who has strengths and weaknesses. Same as anyone else. And I need to work on my weaknesses and share my strengths with the world. Both of those actions will help to alter that view of myself as unworthy.

Even with my mistakes and defects, I still deserve to treat myself and my body with the same respect I’d give to everyone else.

4 Likes