i’m pretty familiar with AA and how to be in recovery from drugs, but i’ll tell you right now my friends, i don’t know ANYTHING about recovery from PMO addiction.
i’m scared to find any groups or google much (i still feel quite a bit of shame and embarrassment unfortunately), but i’ve found i’m much more receptive to hearing from a fellow who’s also struggling than just googling something.
so! if you’re like me and just starting your recovery journey, or you’ve been in recovery a while, feel free to share what you find useful to ya ! i’ve learned that we all have something to share with each other, all of us. hell, even if you aren’t struggling with PMO addiction but you feel you’ve got somethin to share that may help, send it!!
with that i’ll turn it to yall, my friends :] i wish you all the best on your journeys, be good to youself! <3
Hi Jesse, PMO / lust addict here, nice to meet you! Welcome to Talking Sober.
In my early work in recovery I attended group therapy at a sex addiction recovery clinic, and we studied the books Facing the Shadow, and Recovery Zone 1, both by Patrick Carnes. Carnes has researched, counselled, and written extensively about sex addiction (which includes porn addiction; the core elements are more or less the same: lust, objectifying and using others and self, hollowness and shame tied to sexual acting out).
Those two books (above) are meant to be studied under the guidance of a knowledgeable psychotherapist. Carnes has written another book which I use to this day, which is written for individuals and professionals in the sex recovery field, and I read it to this day to help me understand my condition:
I think you’ll find it a very informative and educational and empowering read.
Don’t give up. Keep searching for connection and learning and you will find what you need.
I have also found my recovery group helpful. I attend Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. There are other groups focusing on sex addiction recovery too, including Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
For anyone that seeks a life that is lust-free and porn-free, you seek a good thing. A very good thing indeed.
It took me awhile to belive this, but it is true that a lust-free life is a great life. Don’t listen to the lies of the world that normalize lust.
I have a couple of men’s groups connections that are pertinent to my growth. Both are Christ-based. I’ve been to 12 step groups and loved them. But I found God leading me to other connections that would challenge me to face my biggest problem of all; my broken relationship with Him.
Get support. Find adequate connection in your life. I’m saying this to everyone, addict or not. I define connection as men in my life that know me, and are looking out for my personal and spiritual growth. The lack of connection is a far bigger problem than someone’s relapse back into porn.
And if you haven’t read Easy Peasy? That’s a must read. It’s free.
Nice to see you here @teefgub . It looks like you really want this
hiya matt, thank you so much for your reply! it truly, truly means a lot to me to be given resources, support, experience, and much more from you and our fellows. it’s a blessing to get to be here with you all <3
my attention span is very iffy, so reading can be a challenge, but i will put in an effort to read the books you suggested and update with what i’m learning and taking away from it!
as of right now, you all are my group, so i truly appreciate you and everyone finding time to reach out and support me <3 i hope you’re well, my friend, and best wishes!!
Mine is too. I never read books from cover to cover. I read a few pages here, a few there; I flip through the book and find pages and points that interest me.
This manner of reading is, for me, a function of my ADHD. I’ve read non-fiction like this since I was a child. There’s nothing wrong with reading in this manner.
Most of my reading now is in audiobook form. I listen while driving, while cooking, while exercising. However - interesting - I find the “audiobooks” that captivate me the most are the ones that are courses (like university: a teacher explaining, one lesson at a time - I have over 100 of these on my audiobooks list).
Oral expression - person-to-person communication, whether in person or via a course for learning - is for me a much more captivating learning experience.
hello friend ! thank you for sharing what helps you and providing me an AMAZING read! i believe i’m on chapter 5 rn (trying to finish it tonight, but my attention sucks) and it’s already given me key information to help me process my addiction and where it stems from.
connection has kept me sober and PMO free these last 2 1/2 days, i truly couldn’t do it without yall! i’m trying to repair my relationship with God as well, and i feel Him being patient and loving towards me (He knows i have A LOT of questions and doubt) even now. i only know He feels that way bc of how you all treat me, i see Him in the love and positivity you all share :] <3
thank you again for being here, yall are what’s keepin me afloat! best of luck to you, be good to yourself <3
i can definitely relate, i too have ADHD, so it’s rare when i can sit down and focus on much of anything for long. i’m trying to be patient with myself and my attention, but i do get frustrated at times.
i haven’t fully tried listening to an audiobook before since i mostly prefer to listen to music (which now that i think about it, is probably bc i fantasize to music a lot…wow!), but i’ll have to give it a good try! are there PMO related audiobooks? or anything similar you may recommend giving a listen?
thank you again for your support, friend, and i’m so glad you’re here and sharing :] <3
@teefgub a PMO recovery addict here. day 9. my longest streak had been one year.
what I have been find helpful during my long journey had been connection in real life and here and to develop my faith and take it seriously.Plus readings, podcasts and exercise
hi there my friend! thank you for sharing what’s been helping you, it truly helps me! i’ve also found connection to be crucial, connection with fellow PMOers, fellow addicts, fellow people! yall have taught me that bc of how much you are willing to be honest, open, and accepting of one another. it’s a beautiful thing we all get to share, even if it’s the darkness that brought us together.
Patrick Carnes has two books available for download on Audible: Out of the Shadows, and The Betrayal Bond. He focused on sex / lust addiction over all, which includes porn and masturbation.
There are other audiobooks related to sex addiction I am sure but I don’t know them off the top of my head. If you search “sex addiction recovery” you are sure to find some books that will work.
thank you friend! i just got audible and plan to start trying out some books tonight sometime :] i found Easy Peasy on there, i’m excited to listen as well as read the pdf our fellow shared above!
anywho, haha, take care my friend, and thank you for being here and sharing your wisdom <3
Thanks for starting this thread. I will follow and use as a resource. Although I’m busy with staying sober from alcohol for over three years now, I have to admit to myself various other addictive behaviors have been more and more persistent, pmo is one of them. I have not thought of it as super problematic but I do feel guilt after it happened, ever having the intention to not use but than being overpowered by the urge… Not comfortable to admit and worth it to start taking this seriously.
@teefgub thank you for creating this post. Also just starting the recovery process with pmo and this thread will be very helpful thanks to input from user like @Matt and @KevinesKay who have added some very valuable information.
I cannot speak to any other addiction recovery but i totally share the feelings of recovery from any form of porn/sex addiction seems to have a uniqued stigma attached to it. I am married to a recovering addict and when she was attending meetings there were multiple options every day of the week. I looked into https://saa-recovery.org and https://www.sa.org and in my area they each only meet once a week. I am considering attending a meeting one of these days to see if it can be a valuable tool in my recovery belt. With so few options and a very busy life it is a big challenge. I know online/phone meetings exist but i feel that at least in the begining i would personally do better with in person. Just kind of indicitave of the unique nature of this form of addiction.
What i can say about my experience so far is that it has been very liberating to admit to myself and others that i do in fact have an addiction to porn. I am now 16 days in and have been working on changing my habits in order to break free of the cycle i lived in. I have been enjoying taking time that would have been wasted on PMO and doing this like enjoying nature on a walk, doing yoga or exploring mediation. Reading has beeb surprisingly enjoyable so far and i have been growing a list of useful resources. And like many who suffer in the face of the PMO beast i have traumas and other mental health issues that coincide with my addiction and i have taken the first step into therapy for those as i believe that without working through any of those issues I’ll inevitably lose this battle that I’m currently fighting.
In closing I’m thankful for this community and all those who shared their experiences and knowledge.
Thanks for your honesty, vulnerability and willingnees to create a safe space to discuss pmo recovery and all the things that it entails.
I have been in SA since early May and have had some successes and currently have mustered 31 days sober. Recovery definitely has taught me about myself and how to look in the mirror to at not just the addiction but the character defects that I have that are associated with it. I’m learning how to be present and active in my life rather than resort to living in the land of fantasy, lust and adultery as to not deal with reality. Actually processing feelings/emotions and coping with lifes troubles appropriately is something I never thought possible for myself but I’m doing it more and more. TFLMS
