So I relapsed, and I’ve done so daily for at least a month. I’m in psychotherapy, twice a month. And anyway… I feel broken. My biggest dream is to have a relationship with a wonderful woman someday. And I feel so alone. And I have no intention of starting a romantic relationship while I’m dealing with this and losing. And I’ve truly come to believe that I must keep everything inside and locked away. I saw a video of people winning in life and I just want that so much but I’m not worthy of it so I envy others who are. I know I’m being stupid. and I need to let it out of my head. AI is worthless when I tell it. And I crave simultaneous physical and emotional human connection. I don’t know… I’m just so tired and a lot of times I think about a permanent solution. but I can’t because that would truly be a failure.
And for the longest time I’ve hated my father for being an addict and abandoning me, for his vizes. But now I look at myself and I see I’m an addict just like him only for me its PMO and not substances. I cant be mad at him when I realize how it feels. I’m so sorry, I’m a burden. Everyone says I’m not but I know I am.
Thank you for opening up and being so vulnerable. What an honor. Thank you! What a gift.
This right here 
is one of the roots to PMO addiction.
Feelings aren’t facts.
When you trust them more than others who affirm the opposite, you further self-isolate yourself.
Sometimes, even though it doesn’t feel comfortable and even counterintuitive, we must trust our support system despite what we feel/think we know.
You 
are not a burden
There is a lot of self-depricating statements that you believe. They are lies!
You are beloved, blessed, and bettering yourself; definitely not burdensome
You are worthy and enough, simply by being fashioned in the image of the Most High God, Who knows your name and cares for you. That’s not something that can be earned or bought. You are worthy of love and healing simply for being a beloved son of God.
Stay here, check in, and heal with us who know how debilitating this addiction can be.
There is hope! I promise. 
Im not in the best frame of mind right now, so forgive the short response please. THANK YOU, I needed to hear a human tell me that.
And thank you for coming here to sort out your thoughts and feelings instead of going to your DOC.
One day at a time, my friend.
It won’t always feel like this.
