I unpacked my box of old journals. I’ve been doing art journals for years…some are hard to read because they were sad, others very happy…representing where I was at that point in my life. Do you have any poems, quotes, lyrics, or anything other written word you’d like to share?
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Midway through the depths of my soul
On a path to connect with that little girl
Who I once was, and who I am truly
Before addiction disrupted my reality
Fraught with anger and self-destruction
For once in my life I’m gathering clouds
Rather than building dirt mounds
Allowing them to cave in on me
I’ll rest high above them in a clear sky
Drifting closer to knowing myself again
There, wisps of clouds caress my cheek
They ask why I’m so timid and meek
As they carry me through whispering wind
And I reply "I never took a stand"
Symbolically I bit the barrel of a gun
I felt forced to abandon my intellect
To fade into the abyss, hiding my wreck
I wasn’t awake enough to see it coming
I had lied to myself, I felt like nothing
I’ve decided to reclaim what once was mine
I’m gathering pure, fluffy white clouds
To brighten my day, no static sounds
That reside down in the dirt grave
I’ve spent a better part of my life within
I pledge to remember who I am again
-unknown
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“Always On Your Side” (Sheryl Crow)
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
My demons and my angels reappear
Leavin’ only traces of the man you thought I’d be
Too afraid to hear the words I always feared
Leavin’ you with only questions all these years
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn’t how it’s really meant to be
No it isn’t how it’s really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I’m left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I’m always on your side
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn’t how it’s really meant to be
No it isn’t how it’s really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin’ me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
Nobody’s Home" (Avril Lavigne)
Well I couldn’t tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn’t help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What’s wrong, what’s wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You’ve been rejected, and now you can’t find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can’t find.
She’s losing her mind.
She’s fallen behind.
She can’t find her place.
She’s losing her faith.
She’s fallen from grace.
She’s all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
“Right To Be Wrong” (Joss Stone)
I’ve got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I’m stepping out into the great unknown
I’m feeling wings though I’ve never flown
I’ve got a mind of my own
I’m flesh and blood to the bone
I’m not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
I’ve got a right to be wrong
I’ve been held down too long
I’ve got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I’ve got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
You’re entitled to your opinion
But it’s really my decision
I can’t turn back I’m on a mission
If you care don’t you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don’t smother me with negativity
Whatever’s out there waiting for me
I’m going to faced it willingly
I’ve got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I’m stepping out into the great unknown
I’m feeling wings though I’ve never flown
I’ve got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I’m not made of stone
I’ve got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
I’ve got a right to be wrong
I’ve been held down to long
I’ve got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I’ve got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
I’ve got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minute she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee into a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see?”
“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, “What’s the point, mother?”
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity… boiling water – but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after being through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked the daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a break up, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
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Sweet Forgiveness" (Susan Tedeschi)
Sweet forgiveness, that’s what you give to me
When you hold me close, and you say: "That’s all over."
You won’t go looking back, you don’t hold the cards too stacked
Darlin’, you mean what you say
Sweet forgiveness, you help me see
I’m not near as bad, as I sometimes appear to be
When you hold me close, and you say: “That’s all over,
and I still love you.”
There’s no way that I could make up,
For those angry words I said
Sometimes it gets to hurting,
And the pain goes to my head
Sweet forgiveness, dear God above
I say we all deserve, a taste of that kind of love
Someone who’ll hold on to our hand,
And whisper: “I understand, and I still love you.”
Today
I live my life a mayfly
Who doubtless, from the prudent sky
Where passions soar
And stories try
Has many trying words to say
Bit must endeavor on his way
Because forever…
Is just a day
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I have 3 journals from high school and my early 20’s full of poetry and song lyrics. I don’t like to reread them too often. It’s depressing. 
And what the hell is “ephemera?” Making me look words up, gah!
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Here’s one I really liked that I wrote in one of them:
"A humanist in choking sea
Called for help and presently
Received in full intensity
Advice.
“You must swim if you would be.
Rescue breeds dependency;
Self-reliance makes one free!”
"That’s nice!"
He said.
And floated easily
And dead.
It’s from The Singer Trilogy, back in the day.
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@Melrm I think a wonderful idea for a topic! I’m imagining many people struggling with addiction have writings and journal entries over the years. Back in high school and college I wrote many poems and pseudo-songs to deal with life. Most of them were of depressing “emo” themes, and written pre-addiction. A few were during, and I may post them at some point. Thanks.
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I had to look it up also! 
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From The Rubaiyat:
LIII.
I sent my Soul through the Invisible,
Some letter of that After-life to spell:
And after many days my Soul return’d
And said, ‘Behold, Myself am Heav’n and Hell.’
XLVIII.
For in and out, above, about, below,
'Tis nothing but a Magic Shadow-show,
Play’d in a Box whose Candle is the Sun,
Round which we Phantom Figures come and go.
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Faith of faiths:me
It is not our wounds that define us,
Nor the struggles of our day,
But the choices made when hope is grim,
And fear is far too great!
For the egos blind and the heart is dumb,
Both are casualties of war.
So let them die a godly death,
And thus the spirit listens more.
See faith itself will stand alone,
When nothing else remains.
Bitter sweet this truth is just,
In the freedom that we gain.
A thousand deaths we’ve lived to see,
And yet tomorrow isn’t promised,
That is what they call the grace of God
When the hand of Gods upon us.
So remember this if nothing more,
For life itself has beckoned…
Does love itself…serve a purpose?
And give meaning to the question.
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Darkness Falls
By yours truly
In the conquered light of sunset
When day and night war as foes
And the phoenix flees from among her perch
I find my many woes
For hell it seems has been unleashed
To answer twilights calling
As demons howl and phantoms screech
" this is the darkness falling!"
When darkness falls a thirst within
Arises from its slumber
But this thirst I fear is like no other
For it craves the voice of thunder
And so I roam these restless streets
Like fiends who plague perdition
All alone to search and seek
A peace with no existence…
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If you believe you can.
Or believe you can’t.
You will usually be right.
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The wind may come
And the wind may go
But man does this little leaf blow!
^^^Wrote that while on inhalents lol as far as I’m concerned it’s a masterpiece lmao
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Well @Don_Cocan you sure came through…I’m adding these to my journal.
And the last one…lmao. I’m glad I didn’t write under the influence. 
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With every word I implore you to listen with the entirety of your soul, until you can hear eternity whispering its ever prominent promises of endless joy and happiness through the verses I have been chosen to deliver to you. Where your perspective and my reality collides as two worlds crashing into one another only to merge and create another chapter in this melting pot we call Life.
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