Porchas Journal/Everyday rants!

I’ve seen a few folks do this and I can imagine it will be an amazing help to write down the daily ups and downs of recovery.

I have already done a wee post on my story, 30 something girl with kids and cat, more of a binge drinker than an every day one but realised rock bottom was coming up fast and I have no desire to hit it.

Today is day 4, to be honest apart from the need to eat every couple of hours I haven’t been craving.

All my jobs are done for today, kids have done some schoolwork (if I ever needed an excuse to drink, homeschooling would be it!) supper is in the slow cooker, I’m planning to spend the rest of the day reading a good book while being interrupted every few minutes by the kids :rofl:

But the weekend is coming up fast and as always thats when I’d find an excuse to drink. “Hey its the weekend let’s have fun”

My resolve is firm right now, I have a plan to treat the weekend just like any other day of the week.
Get up, make a cuppa, do the washing, clean house, etc etc.
Hopefully the weather is good and we can get out the house too.

I just really hope I can do it! The first weekend has to be the hardest right??

12 Likes

Hello! I was a weekend drinker too. Yes those thoughts sneak back in; “I’ve done so well! Let’s have a few this weekend.” Don’t listen; they’re tricking you! The first weekend can be hard; the first few, actually. And sometimes out of the blue they sneak in, so we need to be on guard and have tools in our toolbox to avoid that first drink. Reaching out here is a good one. Keep up the great work :hugs:

3 Likes

You got this. I believe in you. I was a weekend drinker as well. It started out only Fridays and Saturdays, then Sundays creeped in. Sometimes I’d try to justify a drink (or 5) during the week because of a rough day at work. Lockdown happened and i began drinking almost daily. I would then skip my morning workouts, because really, who wants to run with a hangover??
I’m at 46 days now, and I can tell you it definitely gets easier. The first couple of weekends just make sure to keep yourself busy. You got this!

4 Likes

Thank you all, it would be so so much easier to keep busy if lockdown wasn’t happening.
I am going to do some research into what activities we can do at the weekends once things are open again. Theres only so much walks round the park we can endure!
But for right now I’m ignoring that devil on my shoulder quite well thankfully :black_heart:

1 Like

Day 5 (Friday):

Had to go to the post office today which is a problem because the only post office is in a grocery store and the line is right beside the alcohol fridges!

Heart was pounding as we got ready to go, having palpitations all the way down the road but I relaxed enough to enjoy a nice walk with the kids, even got a wee bit of snow while walking, kids loved trying to catch the snowflakes on their tongues :heart:

I think because the kids were with me standing in line wasn’t as bad, we picked up some snacks for movie night along with a nice grown up elderflower juice for mumma to enjoy. So so glad I avoided the temptation to buy booze.

Now settled in for a Friday night movie night without a glass of wine. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow with a clear head :relieved:

I can do this!!

4 Likes

Sound alot like me. Kids virtual school. A cat. A dog. Binge drinker. Can go a few days then clean the house make dinner and reward myself with getting trashed. I felt guilty but felt I earned it. This went on for years. I was starting to black out every time. My kids started to notice I was drunk. Then I wake up. Could barely walk. My head burning. Starving because I never eat while drinking. Was it worth it. Wasting one day because I couldn’t remember anything. Wasting another being sick all day nursing myself. It’s like a form of torture. Don’t drink tonight. Eat some snacks. Make a fancy coffee or tea. Snack snack away until bedtime. You’ll wake up in the morning with tears in your eyes. You got this! I’m 48 days and not looking back. Xoxo

5 Likes

I’ve always been a big reward drinker. I deserve it! And every time I get the awful headache hangover. And if I think I deserve a really big reward, I get that headache at 3 am and have to drag my ass into the shower and sit with the hot water running over me for 20 - 30 minutes trying to escape the pain of the headache. Only to come out of the shower still headachey and then wide awake :scream:

I haven’t had to do that for a year. Now that’s a reward!!
:pray:t2::heart:

1 Like

My first weekend I kept my wine glass full with tons of sparkling water. And long hot relaxing showers around wine o’clock before dinner.
:pray:t2::heart:

2 Likes

Thank you guys.
I can relate to the reward thing, its so ingrained into our lives, had a bad week: drink, had a good week: drink, have a birthday: drink, its the weekend: drink.
Never ending cycle and its always on TV and movies.

I’m thinking of starting a list of things to reward myself with that doesn’t include booze.
Chocolate
A new film
Clothes
Book
Etc.

2 Likes

If we ever get back to normal I’m getting my mani pedis every other week. And foot massages.
That’s what I’m talking about. :smiley:
:pray:t2::heart:

1 Like

Oh that sounds amazing!! I have been looking on amazon at foot baths, the money saved on alcohol should really go to the kids but santa has just been and they need nothing just now :woman_shrugging:

1 Like

Day 6:

Woke up today clear headed and happy, it was amazing to wake up on a Saturday morning like that, its been so long!

Snow and rain all day today so it was a lazy day watching films with the kiddos.

Thought about going to the shop to buy booze about 20 times, it’s been hard to resist and knowing the shops are still open for another few hours its still really hard :pensive:
But I keep saying to myself “you don’t need booze, you are better sober” over and over.

Cracked open a bottle of sparkling water into a wine glass, love that a wine glass still makes anything feel fancy :rofl: So tonight it’s sparkling water, popcorn, sweets and a good book.

Tomorrow will be another day of waking up without a hangover, I’m determined about that!!

3 Likes

I always battled in my mind! It drove me crazy. There wasn’t any room to think about other things. So I cut the crap and said I just won’t have any. Sure I might want it! Really bad but I decided I won’t. And that made the voice in my brain get quiet. No bargaining talk.

2 Likes

Day 7&8:

One week down! So proud and feel like it’s a massive accomplishment especially since yesterday was a particularly hard day.

It was the anniversary of a very special person’s death and was so so hard to get through without some liquid courage.

Today however has already been tons better, woke up completely refreshed, went down to the shop with the kiddos for supplies then we came home to build snowmen :smile:

Snowmen made, we are now lazing the day away with hot chocolates, snacks and films.

I know there are still hard days to come but one day at a time is working so far :black_heart:

1 Like

Day 8 take 2:

Why tonight am I struggling?? I keep looking at the clock thinking I have these amount of hours to get through the night but I also have time to go to the shop and get booze :pensive:

Got some ginger beer in a wine glass, it didn’t help. Made tea, it didn’t help.
Now onto infused water to see if I can just get through this night, just one night, its not hard

1 Like

Day 9:

Much better day than last night! House is slowly getting in order, making better food than I did, kids are happier, I am happier.

Maybe I’m in the rose tinted goggles phase but I shall enjoy it while it lasts if I am! :black_heart:

1 Like