About 4 years ago my wife cheated on me multiple times. She said she wanted to stay together and rebuild and I agreed mostly because we have kids together but it really messed me up. I started drinking way more, using cannabis, and developed a terrible porn problem. I luckily didn’t act out in reckless sexual behaviors but I tried to. I tried getting on apps and hooking up with people but it didn’t work because obviously people can sense desperation and a lack of confidence. I developed insomnia, physical pain, and body dysmorphia and this was how i handled it. I tried therapy but it was not helpful. Many of the therapists leaned heavily on me that I must have done something to cause my wife to cheat when I didn’t. Anyway, idk what my plan is because i’ve had so many plans that have all failed. Think i just need support.
Welcome. You have found an awesome supportive community. We are addicts of all varieties. Read around lots and join in when youre feeling comfortable
Welcome. Lots of people on here with different addictions and problems. Have you tried an AA meeting or something similar? You’ll meet a lot of like-minded people in person who have all struggles with addictions and mental health issues. That’s my best suggestion. If you’re trying to quit substances still I would get some medical help to detox because doing it yourself is dangerous. Therapy has been helpful for me so that would have been my other suggestion, but your experience hasn’t been too good it sounds like. An IOP would be helpful since it’s group and individual therapy and my experience was no judgment from anyone honestly. Just remember to give yourself some grace right now too. Early on it’s really tough. You have this whole community as support too
Hi, a lot of your story resonates with me. Currently divorced almost 7 months and finding myself again. Over a year without porn, 10 months without cannabis. Approaching 600 days without alcohol. This forum, getting to the gym, and al-anon are what I credit my sobriety to.
We all have bullshit in our lives. Traumas that we didn’t ask for, pain of all sorts, unfortunate cards we were dealt. But the only person who can roll up their sleeves and go about the hard work of turning it into a garden is you. We’re here to help. You don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t use any illegal substances. Mostly it’s just trying to escape the mental pain.
How did you overcome the emasculation, humiliation, loss of self respect/esteem?
I needed to find my strength and set goals. Gym, running, yoga, mediation, 12-step work, meetings, quit lit, finding my creativity. You name it, I’ve probably done it. Taking action, even one small step in the right direction is progress. And I recognized I’m not going to do anything perfectly. I had to find a voice within myself that motivated me rather than just degrade me. Therapy helped a lot to assist with the negative self talk.
My ex cheated a lot. Old me thought that I was doing something wrong to deserve that. She did too. Now I see her as the one who is incapable of honesty in relationship rather than me being unlovable or not enough.
Sure, I made plenty of mistakes. But I’m not that man anymore. I know better and will continue to become better. Even if I fall along the way. I figure I can sit and wallow in it or I can find the determination to change my situation. Only one of those is gonna get me anywhere. No one is coming to save me.